The Prophesy
by mscatmoon
Summary: As we continue with the twists and turns and surprises of the HB saga, everyone learns a bit more about what their role in the Prophesy will be. There are hellos and goodbyes, beginnings and endings. Sequel to "Complications."
1. Frozen Tears

**Summary**: Here is the next"chapter" in the continuing HB saga. Shane and Sara return to Resurrection, where an unexpected tragedy awaits. Meanwhile, Josef is battling with some demons of his own. The chapter _after_ this one will be all Mickbeth (and Josef, of course) but this one has some key pieces of the puzzle that will be expanded upon later, so it's definitely not one you want to miss...

**P r o p h e s y**

By Cat Moon

.

Chapter One:

**Frozen Tears**

**.**

_I'll be there should the sun go down, life you up to a higher ground_

_Let me in, let me be the one_

_I'll be there should you fall from grace, wipe those teardrops from your face_

_I'll see no mare damage done_

_Baby, let me be the one…_

_--Be the One, Poison_

_._

The scenery hadn't changed, the roads were the same and the landmarks were like old familiar pairs of shoes. Even the smells; pine trees and wood smoke and crisp fresh air, settled into awareness as if never absent. Despite all that, to the occupants of the F-150 everything had a surreal quality overlaying it, some sort of hazy film distorting the fabric of time. It had been only two weeks, but it felt like _years_.

The two people who returned to Resurrection were not the two people who had left. I should know this very well: I was one of them.

XXX

Sara yawned, jet lagged, as we pulled up in front of the house and got out. I grabbed her four bags out of the back of the truck and trailed her to the front door. For some reason entering the house was like a dose of ice cold water, some bizarre kind of déjà vu.

By the time I got there, the mother and daughter reunion was in progress. Ethan was in the hallway to greet the returning sojourners also.

"Didn't you have _two_ suitcases when you left?" Alisha asked Sara.

"Beth and I did a little shopping," she answered.

"Girls and their shopping, huh?" Ethan quipped, elbowing me in a display of manly opining. "Thanks for looking out for her. I hope she wasn't too much trouble."

I had to grin at Sara. "Whatever gives you that idea?!" She grinned back.

"I know my daughter. Thanks for putting up with her."

_Putting up with her?_ Okay, I admit, it's comments like these that have always tended to piss me off. She may be trouble with a capital T (and god knows I love that about her) but she's not some kind of burden. How can they not know what an amazingly special daughter they have? And me, I'm over here on my knees in the dirt thanking all the deities that _she_ puts up with me.

"Well, she put up with _me_, so I guess we're even," I finally settled on saying.

With a surreptitious squeeze of my hand, Sara headed up the stairs, breaking into song as an irreverent comment on my words.

"You're a real tough cookie with a long history of breaking little hearts like the one in me," she sang as she climbed the stairs. "Before I put another notch in my lipstick case, better make sure you put me in my place… hit me with your best shot, fire away…"

I managed to shake myself out of the urge to stand there and stare after her like a lovesick puppy, and made my own exit. I'm admitting it to myself now, only going further than that is still coming slowly. I hang on every word she says. I love her voice, and the way she smells and her smile, and the look in her eyes… There are no words. Yeah, I've got it bad.

XXX

Those old familiar shoes? You think they'd be comfortable because they're broken in, but when you slip into them they feel weird, the fit is all wrong, stretched out and awkward. You try to walk and find yourself staggering like a drunk because, while they were right for you before, something has changed and now they no longer fit your feet. You find you like your new shoes much better.

The irony isn't lost on me: _I'm_ the one who brought up keeping the change in our relationship quiet… but now I'm thinking – no way. I'm done with playing those games. Whatever possessed me? Maybe this Alaskan air is like some kind of drug over you, makes you insane. The L.A. smog snapped me right back to my senses. All I want to do now is look at them and say, "we're doing each other – deal with it," and walk out. In the interest of tact though, I expect we'll try to ease them into the idea gradually.

Then there's what the universe does while you're making other plans…

XXX

Sara:

I'd changed for bed and was unpacking when my mother came into the room. The irritation was an old familiar feeling. My parents, especially my mom, had never felt the need to announce themselves before coming into my bedroom. Maybe they figured teenagers don't need any privacy, I don't know. All I know is it drove me nuts until I was able to get a lock for those times when I _needed_ the privacy…if you get my drift.

_First time they walk in on me and Shane doing it, that'll teach 'em to knock,_ I thought with a wicked grin. Yeah, I'm bad. This is news?

"Unpacking?" Mom stated the obvious, so I didn't bother answering. It's just that thing parents do when trying to start a conversation with their kids but don't know how to. "You'll have to show me all the things you bought later."

"Long as I don't get any lectures about the revealing nature of my choices," I said with a grin, holding a sexy, low cut mini dress against myself.

"How about a reminder that a good icy shot of arctic breeze up the thatch will make you rethink your wardrobe choices?"

OMG. Okay, I guess parents can shock too! "Mother! Oh my God!"

"Got your attention now, I see," she commented with one her her knowingly smirks. "Did you have a good time in L.A.?"

"Fantastic!"

"Is that Shane's voice?" she asked of the music coming out of the stereo.

"Yeah, I think I taped every one of their shows," I admitted with a smile. Funny, I had changed so much, but my parents were still the same. It was a weird feeling.

I bent over to put some jeans away in the bottom drawer of her dresser. My nightshirt must have ridden up some, because when I straightened my mom was giving me a strange look.

"What's this?" Mom asked, pulling the top up to reveal the Wild Child tattoo that was on my right side, below the navel line.

"That would be a tattoo," I said, meeting mother's knowing eyes.

"And Shane knows about this? He let you get this?"

Let me? I'm not sure why, but instead of making one of my usual comebacks, I just sat down next to her on the bed. The jig was up, as they say. Everyone was well aware that Wild Child was Shane's personal nickname for me, so if he was okay with me getting it tattooed on my body and in a suggestive place… the implications were pretty clear.

"It's my body and my decision, but yeah, he knows about it."

"Uh, well. Just…wow." I could tell she was trying to process this new development.

"You're not gonna freak out on me, are you?" I asked warily. I'd been too busy to even think about how my parents would react to the information.

She surprised me by sighing and reaching over to brush the hair away from my face. Her words weren't exactly expected, either. "I've known you had a crush on Shane Alexander for a long time now," she admitted. "I thought you'd outgrow it, he's so much older… and then when you went to college, and started dating boys… I figured you had."

"That's where you had it wrong – it wasn't a crush. But he was always the perfect gentleman you expected, never touched me until now."

"For some reason I believe that," she responded, sounding surprised.

"Because you _know_ him," I insisted. "He's a _good_ man. He's amazing. I mean…you have no idea." Now that I could finally talk about it in the open, the words just came pouring out. I wanted her, needed her to understand. "I don't have the words to tell you. If you want me to have a man who's going to treat me right then there's no one in this whole universe more perfect for me than him. There's no one who's gonna _love_ me more," I told her with certainty.

"I don't know what to say to that. I admit I knew how you felt, but I never thought he…"

"Why?" I challenged, cursing the tears that came to my eyes. The moments of doubt had been blessedly brief but were always raw. On the Shane side…and on my parent's. "Because you couldn't imagine someone like him loving a dumb, obnoxious kid like me?"

"No!" my mother denied, taking my face in her hands. "You're beautiful and smart, and I knew that someday some man would see that and grab you up and never let you go."

"And so he did," I told her, slightly mollified. "You just didn't know it had already happened." It was so frustrating that she didn't seem to see how perfect we were for each other, how in tune. All the things we'd shared over the years made our bond more than obvious to me.

"I don't quite understand it myself so I don't expect you to, but there's a part of me that's _not_ surprised to hear of this…development in L.A. But there's another part of me that IS." Mom shrugged. "I'm not sure quite how to feel about it," she admitted.

"You could be happy for me," I suggested. Casting around for _some_ way of making it clearer, my eyes landed on the stereo. I scrambled to fast forward the tape, finding the place in the show I wanted. "Maybe this will explain it to you."

I pressed play again, and Shane's voice came back into the room. The audience was just a low murmur in the background as he explained how he knew when he heard the words to the song he _had_ to sing it. Talking about so much more than just a song…

"This is a song I just discovered, and I didn't want to, I fought it."

He laughed; I believe he was also talking about how he had to resist his feelings for me for so long.

"But I just… I _had_ to cover it. I think maybe… Some of you will know why."

_"Wasted days and wasted nights; I feel lonely. I walk these streets and wonder why I ever listened to them say you are not the one for me – they're all wrong. They don't see the things I see in you…" _

The song said it all, as if it had been invented just for us. I don't know if I'll ever be able to hear it without getting misty-eyed.

_"When everyone turns to go, I won't leave you, when everything new gets old, I won't listen when everyone says I'll be better alone; I say this heart has a mind of its own…"_

When the song was over and the guitar had faded, his voice spoke again. "This heart has a mind of its own. I think that says it all. Thanks for listening."

That says it all, all right. As the applause started, I hit the stop button. "He told me that every day without me is a wasted day," I added quietly. I had made my case, and there wasn't really anything left I could add.

I'd like to think my mother was moved by the song, she seemed to be. "As long as he takes good care of you," she finally said. "If he doesn't, he's going to have one pissed off mother to deal with. And I'm going to have to have a little talk with our Shane…" she added with an eyebrow wiggle that predicted dire, uncomfortable squirms ahead.

I groaned, but accepted the hug that followed, feeling like maybe we were finally going to start understanding each other better.

"Hey," mom said in a 'changing subject' tone after she finally let me go. "I'm going down to Fairbanks tomorrow; I want to pick up some things at the mall. Want to come with me?"

"Maybe," I answered, stifling a yawn. "But probably not, I think I'm just gonna sleep all day. I need a vacation from my vacation!" Possibly a cliché, but never more true in my opinion!

She laughed and kissed me goodnight. At the door, she paused. "Oh, and uh, I don't think we'll tell your father about this quite yet."

"Duh," I wholeheartedly agreed.

XXX

I was feeling pretty good when I arrived at the office the next afternoon. After a nice long restorative rest in deep freeze, I was feeling refreshed and more or less ready to get back to the grind. It's always tough after a vacation. Especially one that's apparently lasted a lifetime.

Greg was in his usual place behind his desk. I'd greeted him and was on my way to my office when the look on his face registered – as well as the disturbing emotions coming off him. It stopped me in my tracks.

"What?"

"You didn't hear?" he asked me.

I didn't like the look on his face. "Hear what?"

"Alisha Adams is dead."

I felt the words like a kick to the gut. "Damn. How?"

"Accident on the interstate on the way to Fairbanks. Semi lost his brakes."

And I'd slept through it. "Why didn't she call me," I wondered to myself, reflexively glancing down to the cell phone clipped to my belt and my mind on Sara.

Greg glanced at his watch. "They probably just got the news not long ago. I caught it on the police band."

I grabbed my jacket again. "Can you hold down the fort here for awhile longer? I'm gonna go over there and, uh, offer my condolences."

Greg nodded, but his expression told me he'd picked up on the hesitation in my choice of words. We hadn't talked about the change in my relationship with Sara since our little discussion at the hotel in L.A. It had become kind of a 'don't ask don't tell' thing with us, but I knew we'd have to have that talk, soon. That one and a few others as well. Like about my upcoming resignation.

XXX

My step was heavy as I walked up to the front door. One of the hardest events of being human, losing your mother, and I couldn't relate to it, had no frame of reference. My own family was a thousand years dead, and I have a vampire's perspective on time and attachments. But I could feel her pain, and hopefully take some of it from her.

I rang the bell and didn't have a long wait. Sara answered, looking shell shocked. Immediately her arms were around my waist. I held her tightly, sensing the suppressed grief underneath the utter disbelief that comes from sudden tragedy.

"I'm so sorry, baby." She looked up at me then, and when I met her eyes I had to take her face in my hands and kiss her. Love, reassurance, comfort, I tried to pour everything into the intimate touch. When the kiss ended I pulled her back into my arms, letting her rest there.

Too preoccupied with Sara, I hadn't paid any attention to the footsteps I should have heard. It registered belatedly and I looked up – into the shocked eyes of my friend Ethan.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't get my gun and blow your brains out?" his voice hissed, low, dangerous.

_'Cause… it wouldn't work?_ "Because then your daughter would lose both parents. But if that's what you want…"

How do you tell a parent that you're the lesser of the evils and if it weren't for you, his daughter would probably have ended up giving head to the lead singer of some boy band in the back of the tour bus? You don't.

"Her mother asked you to look out for her, to protect her. She trusted you. _I_ trusted you." His feelings of betrayal were in his voice.

Sara pushed herself out of my arms to face her father and defend me. "He's the only reason I even came back to this one horse town! I almost _didn't_."

"Do you love her?" It wasn't really a question, it was a challenge.

The phrase 'damned if you do, damned if you don't comes to mind. Somehow, despite the fact that we were already talking of centuries, those exact words had never been spoken between us, and I'd be damned if this would be their circumstances. "Sara will always be safe with me," I stressed carefully.

His eyes flashed another challenge. "You saying you haven't fucked her yet then?!"

This situation could get out of hand really easily. I had to keep control of it. When what I _really_ wanted to do was pop him in the mouth for doing this in front of her. "I'm not discussing this with you; it's not the time or place."

Obviously he didn't like that answer either, because he started closer. Aggressive humans, kinda sad actually. I held out my hand, keeping my other arm around her, and made sure the warning in my face was clear. "You gotta calm the fuck down. Sara just lost her mom, you're upset, hurting. Don't be stupid."

"Hurt him and I'll leave – you'll _never_ see me again!"

I held onto Sara a bit tighter. Her protectiveness warmed me, but I had to cut this confrontation short. I didn't want her to say anything she'd regret later either, no one needs to live with that kind of guilt.

"Sara!" he started forward again and she pressed herself tighter against me.

_Whoa_. "Okay. That's enough," I declared to Ethan. "It's okay," I said into Sara's ear. "It's gonna be okay. He won't hurt me, you know that." Translation: he _can't_. "I'm gonna take you upstairs so you can get some rest, okay?"

"I don't want to rest!" she protested.

Maybe it had sounded a bit condescending, but I needed to break things up. "Well, _I_ need a time out here, okay?" Not sparing another glance for Ethan, I got her up the stairs. I could feel his glare without looking back.

Sara's movements were hesitant, somehow vulnerable, unlike her more typically self-assured body language. I went into the bathroom first and she followed me, as if not wanting to be too far away. It wasn't a surprise, under the circumstances. I rifled through the medicine cabinet, finding a bottle of Alisha's sleeping pills. Half of one would take the edge off. I filled the Dixie cup on the sink with some water, and shepherded her into her bedroom.

We sat on the bed together, and I held out the pill and water.

She looked me in the eye challengingly. "I don't need that."

I pressed it into her hand; we both noticed it was shaking. "Yes, you do."

What others may not know is that just because Sara tended to show her emotions more subtly, didn't mean she wasn't feeling them. That's because I'm the one that can _feel_ them too.

She grudging settled into the bed, and pulled me down beside her by the hand. "I can't believe she's…_gone_," she whispered. Tears that she hated revealing pooled in her eyes. The unreality of the situation was fading.

Just like that. One moment here, the next not. The fragility of the human life. And someone you've shared dinners with for years, and talked and laughed with is gone forever. As a vampire, you're never quite sure how to feel about that. Over the centuries the humans come and go, but you'll probably still be here. Love them more for it, or love them less for it? It's all in that delicate balance in between.

"I wish I could turn back time. I don't understand why _she_ had to…" She couldn't say the word. A little girl, lost with her rug of security having been yanked out from under her. I thanked God she already had another one in place. Me.

"I wish I could tell you, baby."

I didn't have an answer for her, and I prayed she wouldn't ask the one question I didn't want to answer: what if I'd been there? Thankfully, vamps don't 'multiply ' as indiscriminately as humans. Turning someone…it isn't to be entered into lightly. If the one turned doesn't take to the undead life, you're probably gonna end up destroying them anyway. Then of course there's the whole "consent" issue. If they can't give it, it should be a no-go -- and even if they _do_, you as the potential sire need to use good judgment. Sara, for instance, will make an awesome vampire. Josef and I got a bet going about who's gonna make the better vamp, Sara or Beth. But I think he knows I'm gonna win, hands down.

She often avoids questions I expect her to ask though, so I can only hope this is one of those times. I think it's probably the hardest part of being a vampire. Knowing humans _have_ to die.

And even if I could have waved my "magic wand" and taken her pain away, that would be wrong. Pain strengthens us and is part of who we are, it's a part of growth and experience. So, I just held her.

"I can't take your pain away, but can I cry with you instead?"

Her tears came a little easier at my words. So we huddled on the bed together and let the tears have their due. Eventually, she slipped into sleep.

XXX

"You were wrong to pull that scene in front of Sara. She just lost her mama, she needs comfort and love. What she didn't need is that hostile scene playing out."

Ethan and I faced each other across the kitchen table, a bottle of Jack Daniels and two glasses between us. I felt for the guy, I really did. He loved his wife. He woke up that morning with a beautiful marriage and a perfect family, sweet innocent daughter – now he felt like everything was gone in the blink of an eye. We'd been friends for years. He was forty-five; I look to be in my late thirties. I didn't know how we were gonna get past this. I didn't know what to say to him.

"I'm so damn sorry about Alisha."

"Is that all you're sorry about?"

I gave him a level gaze. "Yes." I don't back down, and I don't lie. Never have, never will.

His hostility had faded some, and that was worse because now I could see the pain and devastation in his eyes. His hands shook as he poured a tall glass of whiskey and downed half of it at once. "This could be bad for your career."

_So now we get to it._ I wasn't sure if it was a threat or just a statement of fact. "She's of legal age, she not a minor," I said as gently as I could.

He met my eyes again. "You're old enough to be her father." _No, I'm old enough to be her distant ancestor, actually. But let's not go _there_._

The reality is that age doesn't matter much when you're many centuries old and won't be getting any older in human years anyway, so she can catch up eventually if that's her wish… but that wasn't something he could understand. Not now, maybe not ever.

Something felt like it was hurting, and I didn't know why my chest felt tight. The overpowering desire to _not_ be sitting there swamped me; I wanted to be anywhere else. I wanted to be upstairs watching Sara sleep. I don't want to be here.

"I don't know what you want me to say." I took a generous swallow of JD and let the burn distract me.

"I've known you for over three years -- my family has welcomed you into our home as a friend. I thought she was like a kid sister to you, but all the while you were the wolf in sheep's clothing at the dinner table?" He shook his head as if the concept was beyond him. "I've known you to be a good man, an honest one. You've risked your life to protect the people of Resurrection and sworn to keep them safe. No one in town has ever had a word to say against you. We asked you to watch out for Sara in L.A. because you were the _one_ person we _knew_ we could trust her with. You come back from L.A. and I suddenly you're--you've --with my nineteen year old daughter. So I'm asking myself, was I wrong? Could everyone have been so wrong about you? And I'm wondering why, why you'd risk everything. Your career, our friendship. Your reputation."

My mind is blank; I have no words to say that he'll understand. I kick back the rest of the glass and pour myself another.

"Drinking on duty?" he asked in a deceptively mild tone.

I shake my head, at least I have words for this one. "I took myself _off_ duty." As a vampire the booze wasn't a problem (unless it was Randy's shine), but there were other reasons I was in no condition to be on duty.

Ethan nodded and too late I saw the trap sprung. "Now see, that's what I'd expect. Always responsible. Makes me wonder if maybe we're _not_ wrong. If that's true…"

I rubbed my face with both hands. I knew what he was looking for, and I couldn't give it to him yet. There was only one person who had the right to be the first to hear those words from my lips.

_I'll love you forever, my beautiful Sara._

"She _won't_ get hurt." A vow, a promise.

"If she does?" he countered.

"If she does you can blow my brains out." _I'll even supply the silver ammo._

Ethan nodded, once. Satisfied, for now, but I knew the damage to our friendship would take a long time to repair. He rose unsteadily. "If you'll excuse me, I have some burial arrangements to make."

I wanted to ask him if he needed company, support during this difficult time. But I knew I could no longer provide it. Sometimes we make sacrifices without realizing the extent of them until later. He went out, alone, to pick out a casket for his wife. I went the only place I could – to Sara.

XXX

I sat in the chair beside Sara's bed, softly strumming the guitar I'd pulled out of the truck. The instrument felt natural in my hands as always, as if it was a part of me. I knew the sound would comfort her, even in sleep. Music is the gift I was born to give, sounds weird since it took me hundreds of years t_o_ get there but since it came into my life I can't shake the feeling.

Can't shake rock and roll and can't shake Sara, and no, I can't shake Josef either. I don't attach to many things, but when I _do_…god help me.

Eventually Sara's eyes fluttered open, and when she saw me a small smile curved her lips. "Shay…"

I smiled back. "Hey." Putting the guitar aside, I leaned over to give her a kiss. "How you doin'?"

Her smile faded as the memory came back, and I wished I hadn't asked the question. "I feel lost."

And I felt a lump in my throat. I guessed I could identify after all, because I was feeling a bit lost myself. I stretched out on the bed beside her, and she immediately moved into the circle of my arms. I could have told her she'd always have her memories, but that might be a lie. Hell, I only vaguely remember my own mother. It was so long ago.

It was slightly disconcerting; my independent, strong Sara, clinging to me. "You're not lost. You're here with me." Her arms tightened at my words, so I did what I do best. I started singing to her.

I w_anna be the one to shelter you, should the rains come down never let you drown, I'd pull you through. I wanna hear you when you scream, be your prince when you dream. Hold you close when you cry…_

"You are," she whispered.

Yeah, I know. "That's a promise. I know you're hurting, but you're not _alone_. I…" I would have liked it to be a different time and place, romantic and special rather than sad, but the words needs to be spoken, now. I lifted her head up and met her eyes. "I know you already know this, and I guess maybe I've gotten in the habit of _not_ saying things in the last three years, but we don't have to do that anymore. I love you, Sara. I want you with me, for eternity."

The tears that came to her eyes now were happier ones. "And I love you. Where else would I be?" She reached behind my neck and pulled my lips down to hers.

"Mom knew," Sara said abruptly awhile later, and I didn't have to ask what.

"You told her?

Sara shook her head against my shoulder. "She saw the tattoo last night and figured it out." I was gratified by the ghost of a smile that followed.

"Whoops." Speaking of, I had an even more incriminating one on my arm, and it would have been only a matter of time until I was caught with my 'sleeves up'. Is that what they call passive aggressive?

"We had a long talk. She was okay with it."

"I'm glad." And I was. That was one blessing, they'd had a chance to talk and she hadn't died with that secret between them. I knew Sara was too.

"Not like Ethan," she began, using the given name to distance herself.

I stroked her cheek with the back of my hand. "Listen to me," I told her firmly. "You've both lost her, and you're both hurting bad. Please try not to hurt each other more, because you'll both regret it."

"Tell _him_ that," she shot back.

"I have, and I will again," I promised.

She subsided against my chest. "I want to think about something else, just for a little while," she added as if feeling guilty for wanting a break from the pain.

Time to distract her with a lighter topic. It was something I had to admit I'd wondered, but had never asked. "So tell me something, when did you decide you wanted to get in my pants anyway?"

"I used to sneak out of the house to watch you guys play, remember?"

We both smiled at the memories. "You'd climb out of the window. I used to worry you were gonna fall and break a leg or something."

"For some reason you never pissed me off like all the others. Why is that?" She was just teasing, we both knew why.

"Maybe it was my rock star sex appeal," I suggested with an eyebrow wiggle.

She shook her head in denial, turning my attempt at levity around. "I think it was all over the first time I watched you sing."

One night amidst thousands, for two souls to connect. I don't care what anybody says, music IS magic. A light touch of lips turned into several minutes of silent communication. Damn, we're good at this.

"You finally gonna tell me when _you_ knew?" Sara asked me pointedly.

I grinned mysteriously. "Gotta keep some of my secrets for later."

"Ack!" she responded, smacking my arm in frustration.

In reality, it was a hard question to answer. It was one moment flowing seamlessly into another, the months and years forging our connection until it was hard to remember I time I _didn't_ know deep down in my soul that she was mine.

XXX

I slipped down the stairs the next morning and paused in the hallway. I would have liked to sneak out, but decided to face it like a man. He knew I'd spent the night, surely saw that my truck was still parked out front. Normally, out of respect, I wouldn't have stayed. This wasn't a normal situation though, and Sara needed me. So here I was.

When I walked warily into the kitchen, Ethan was at the table with a mug of coffee in front of him. He looked up at me with dull eyes.

"Good morning."

"Coffee?" he asked, gesturing toward the coffeemaker with his cup.

"Uh no, it'll keep me awake. I was up all night talking with Sara, I need to go home and get some sleep." Okay, so I did put a bit of emphasis on the word _talking_. Things were awkward enough as it was.

"She's okay?" he asked grudgingly.

"As can be expected," I said. "Look, do you have any family that can come? You shouldn't be alone."

"My sister Pat is coming to stay with us for awhile. She's arriving this afternoon."

"Good." I thought maybe I'd make my escape, but his next words stopped me like a brick wall.

"Did you ever think of her as a little sister?"

Now there was a loaded question, and this was another conversation I _didn't_ want to have. I probably hesitated too long.

"How long… I mean, when…" his questions trailed off uncomfortably.

"I never touched her." Hoping he'd accept that as answer.

"And what do you see her as now?" Ethan pressed.

Just a rephrasing of his previous line of questioning, but this one I now had a willing and ready answer for. "The woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I've been with a lot of women," I admitted. "But I've never been in love like this – before now."

There was a lessening in the tension on his face, maybe a little progress. "And she's my daughter."

"I know. And yeah, you were pissed off last night, but it strikes me that you didn't seem all that _shocked_. I would have maybe expected more…I don't know, disbelief." I shrugged. "Just something to think about."

Just like that, the dynamic of our relationship had changed I realized. We were no longer friends. Another man had come into the picture and taken his daughter. That can be difficult for fathers to deal with under the _best_ of circumstances. This was far from it.

XXX

Sara:

_It's hard when someone you love dies. Everyone is __**looking**__ at you, expecting you to act a certain way, but you don't know how to act and all you can be is self-conscious. Nothing has prepared you for this, so you just want to hide away from the world and its expectations for a while. Even if that includes your father._

I was ashamed, but I barely looked at him as I moved around the kitchen, fixing myself a bowl of cereal. I guess we were probably further apart that day than in any of our previous difficult years. I felt awkward; I didn't know what to say to him. I'd just lost my mother, was I expected to comfort my father who had lost his _wife_? Just a few weeks' previous I might not have had a clue. Now that I was with Shane I had a whole new, unwanted and intimate understanding of what that kind of pain would be like. Despite my constant raging against my age, at that moment I wanted to go back to a time when mommy and daddy were just mommy and daddy, and not _people_.

He watched me for a minute, and then seemed to shake himself as if waking up. "You're hungry! I can make you some breakfast, eggs, or something…"

"It's okay. I'm not really hungry, I'm only eating because I promised Shane. Cereal is all I want." I sat down at the table and forced myself to shovel a spoonful into my mouth.

"Oh. Uh, Aunt Pat is coming this afternoon. She's gonna stay with us for awhile."

"Okay."

The uncomfortable silence resumed as I ate, but since the words weren't any easier it was okay. He rose and rinsed his coffee cup in the sink, wiped the counter with the dishtowel. Funny how mundane things can seem so alien. How could anything be normal now?

He came over to my chair. "I guess I'll, uh, go get dressed now." I noticed he was wearing the pajamas I'd gotten him for Christmas last year under his robe. Caddyshack, because he loved that stupid movie. I remembered I was originally gonna get the Southpark ones that said, "Respect my Authority," but for some reason had gone with the gopher instead. Why would a dumb memory like that make me want to cry?

I let him hug me, and hugged back. I guess that was enough for now.

XXX

The next few days were difficult, but we all got through them. I met Aunt Pat at the wake, and it turned out she was one family member who was genuinely pleased that I was the man in Sara's life. It was a nice change. I'd met Pat a time or two over the years, but just in passing. I could tell it was good for Sara to have her there, they seemed pretty close.

The night before the funeral was…strange. I think it was profound in some way that I can't begin to fathom, just a gut feeling. Sara had spent as much time with me as she could, I knew she was reluctant to let me out of her sight but as she had several more family members coming into town, we decided that's where she needed to be.

Josef showed up on my doorstep out of nowhere, acting very weird – and I don't use that term loosely in relation to him. He didn't tell me what was bothering him, and I didn't push. Pushing Jay-Jay is a chore I don't relish and I was wore out enough from the difficult week that I just let it go and prayed it wouldn't come back to bite me in the butt sometime. Like me, if he doesn't want to tell you something he won't and it's best to respect that unless you've got a compelling reason not to. Despite the weirdness and the fact that I knew he was upset about something, there was a noticeable lack of the angry tension that had too often marked our relationship of late, and the relief of that was an added incentive. Nope, all things considered I wasn't about to complain at all.

This whole experience, and the weeks preceding it had make me think about a lot of things. Change, especially. It gets us all, human and vamp. Even vampires can get _used_ to things, comfortable in their current environment after several years have gone by. When you start to realize you'll miss your temporary life when it's time to leave, if you experience that longing to stay…

That means it's time to leave.

XXX

Funeral's are uncomfortable for a vampire. It's one of the times we are most keenly aware that we really are a different species, with vastly different perceptions of life. We pay our respects to the dead the same as everybody else though.

Even Josef was subdued and reverent when we arrived at the cemetery. I caught Sara's eye as we walked across the street to join them, but then I also caught something else… a conversation between a ragged looking Ethan and his sister. It looked like she'd pulled him aside. I don't make a regular point to eavesdrop, but when I hear my name and I have a vested interest in knowing the details of a conversation, don't put it passed me.

"I think he's a great catch. He's mature, secure…" Pat was saying. "Better than some nineteen year old majoring in Art and flipping burgers who spends all his spare time playing computer games, isn't it?"

Ethan didn't seem to have a comeback for that, it took him a moment to respond. "What about the age difference? When she's forty he'll be pushing sixty. He could die twenty years before her."

Pat took her brother's hand and squeezed. "And she could go first," she told him gently, with the briefest of glances at the casket. "Standing here today, would you wish you'd never married Alisha?"

"No!"

Would it have comforted this father to know that wasn't likely to be a concern for us? That we were just beginning our journey together, and it would undoubtedly span centuries? I didn't know the answer to that, and we were a long way away from asking it, if we ever did. It was good to have one person in the family on our side though. It made me more hopeful that Ethan and I would be able to repair our friendship.

"And he could die _hundreds_ of years before her," Josef murmured almost too low for _me_ to catch it.

My head whipped around to stare at him. "That's cynical even for you, isn't it?" Although we know too well it _can_ and does happen, vampires don't usually worry much about dying. There aren't thousands of us dying every hour, from sudden tragic accidents, or long horrible sicknesses. And unlike those immortals in that stupid Highlander saga, it isn't our overriding goal in life to kill each other off.

Josef actually looked surprised to find I'd heard him. "I apologize for eavesdropping," he said instead of answering. Which was also out of character for him. "And not to worry. You _won't_."

There was an odd finality in his voice. Funny how I'd known him for four hundred years, and I was standing there trying to figure him out. The only conclusion I could come to was that he was still upset over what I'd told him in L.A. How at one time I'd been tired of living. I wasn't trying to imply I was suicidal – far from it – just a little wisdom from someone who's lived for over a thousand years. Living forever has stages and rites of passage that human psychologists couldn't even begin to imagine.

"This is what life is about, isn't it?" Josef gestured around the grounds. "Love, and death."

Wow. I raised my eyebrows at him, then reached over and felt his forehead. "Have you gotten too much sun?"

"You call that sun?" Mr. L.A. gave a sunglass-covered nod toward the light that marked early morning north of the Arctic Circle in April. We'd be lucky if the temperature reached fifty so it was quite comfortable right now for a vamp, not even forty yet, but the day – the day would be sixteen hours long.

"What about money?" I asked.

"I'm not…totally unaffected by it all," he said with a quiet honesty.

I reached up and gave the back of his neck a squeeze. "Oh, I _know_ you're not," I responded, for a moment dropping the banter myself.

Then he gave me a cheeky grin. "But money definitely helps."

"Good. I was beginning to worry."

We joined the others, and I gave Sara a long hug, totally uncaring at this point about public appearances.

"What are you doing here, bub?" she chided Josef quietly, accepting his hug and kiss. Something about her voice told me she might have had something to make the event a little easier to endure.

"Paying my respects to the Adams… and Whitley families," Josef returned with a tiny smile. "I was very sorry to hear about your mother."

"Thank you," Sara said, equally formally.

I touched Josef's elbow and addressed Ethan. "Ethan Adams, this is Josef Kostan… my brother." I 'm sure Josef and Sara both gave me surprised stares at that, but I kept my attention on Ethan. It had always been our big secret, and there were plenty of good reasons for that. Or so I always thought. I guess maybe that was another legacy from Max; 'don't let anyone know anything they can use against you' was definitely a biggie in our little make believe "family." And if you haven't guessed by now, I've got a huge Achilles heel with _Josef's_ name on it (no, the irony of mentioning Achilles isn't lost on me, either, given the sometimes physical nature of our relationship). Funny, now it was probably _less_ true than it ever had been, and I suddenly had the impulse to underscore his place in my life as something other than just an old friend. Maybe I owed him that.

Ethan also couldn't help but show his reaction at meeting a hitherto unmentioned family member. "Well, this is a surprise, I have to admit. It's nice to meet you," he said as they shook hands.

"Only half brothers of course," Josef told him, shooting me a bemused but pleased look. "And we've been estranged," he added with that hint of usual Konstantin charming sarcasm. "My deepest condolences on the loss of your wife."

"Thank you."

For the next few minutes more introductions went around, and then the service started. Sara plastered herself to my side and stayed that way until the end. At one point – when her father broke down crying – she buried her face into my chest and held even tighter, but otherwise she got through it okay.

XXX

After the service was over, the three of us walked over to Josef's rented sports car. "You sure you don't wanna came back to Ethan's house with us?" I asked.

Josef shook his head. "I'm going to head back."

"Don't work too much!" I chastised as we hugged goodbye.

"As a matter of fact, I'm thinking of taking your advice. Take up a hobby."

"Nothing I have to bail you out of jail for, I hope," I grinned.

"Actually, I might take flying lessons," he said with an answering grin.

"What, fly the plane yourself when you can hire someone to do it?"

"Yeah, that's what I thought too, but--" He shrugged as if to say, what the hell, and turned to Sara. "Keep this guy out of trouble."

"Always do," she responded with some of her usual personality peeking out. "Except for the _good_ kind of trouble, of course…"

Josef took Sara by the shoulders. "You'll do," he pronounced, and kissed her on the forehead.

"Wow," Sara said as we watched him drive away. I think she felt like she'd just gotten praise from on High.

XXX

It was definitely a day of surprises. After Josef left, I escorted Sara over to the limo, where Ethan was waiting for her. Sara hugged me, visibly reluctant to separate. Then an amazing thing happened -- two amazing things, actually. I put my hand on Ethan's shoulder in a gesture of support, and somehow found myself in a three-way hug. We stood there like that for a moment, giving and receiving comfort.

Ethan looked from me, to Sara, to the limo and back at me again. "You uh… why don't you ride back with us," he offered.

I smiled at him. "I'd like that. Thank you."

Sometimes we don't appreciate how strong the bonds of friendship can be until we thought we've lost them. Yeah, we still had a ways to go yet, but for the first time I knew we'd get there.

.

**Epilogue**:

.

Fate and irony enter our lives in many intricate ways. A spur of the moment decision, turning left instead of right, and the course of our lives and future is once again altered.

No one at the gravesite that memorable day saw the man standing in the shadows, or heard the clicking of the camera as photographs were taken. Of the family. And photographs of Sara, and Shane.

And Josef.

.

**end chapter One: Frozen Tears**

**Note**: I kinda wanted to write the scene where Aunt Pat and Sara talk about Shane, she seems to be quite a lively character, and I get a feeling maybe that's where some of Sara's personality comes from… but to be honest I wanted to get the story finished and didn't feel it was mandatory to the plotline, not even sure it really belonged. And it's hard when you have so many ideas in your head you want to get written down, but so little time to actually write. I may go back and write it later on or include it in another story down the line.

Songs:_ Be the One_, Poison. _Hit Me With Your Best Shot_, Pat Benatar. _Fallen_, Bret Michaels.


	2. True Love Lasts Forever

Chapter Two:

**True Love Lasts Forever**

**.**

_Cleansing rain, washes away dirt and secrets …blood_

_And tears._

_As if the world had never seen such darkness and mourning… pain_

_And regret._

_Returning sun, warms the heart and spirit…blood_

_And soul._

_--Mourning Rain, by JK Fitz_

_._

"Shit!" Beth swore, looking down at her now muddy shoe. So intent on the crime scene in front of her, she hadn't noticed the puddle until she stepped in it.

The rain had let up, but it was a cloudy and overcast day. Normally the crime scenes she covered were at night, especially now that she was married to Mick and keeping mostly vampire hours. Beth found herself yawning, now unaccustomed to being up before noon.

_At least there's no sun…_ Beth had to giggle to herself at the thought. At this rate, by the time she became a vamp she'd be fully prepared. She was even getting used to the smell of blood at breakfast.

Yellow police tape was affixed to the bushes around the body, and the lab team was still processing the scene. A tip from one of her sources had told her this, whatever it was, was _big_. Beth was always on the lookout for juicy crime stories, hoping to avoid having Maureen stick her with fashion shoots or celeb stalking.

Spotting Josh Lindsey, she determinedly made her way over to him. He was engrossed in conversation with two other men, but when he saw her he dismissed them and turned to her. "What are you doing here?" he asked, although he knew her penchant for showing up wherever she smelled a good story.

"Covering this story," she challenged. His demeanor wasn't as friendly as she'd expected it to be, and it caught her off guard.

"What story would that be?"

"You tell me. I heard it was a revenge killing, done by a pro." Of course that's just what she'd gleaned by overhearing the talk of the officers on the scene, but he didn't need to know that.

"I'm sorry Beth, but you have to leave."

"Maybe _we_ can help," she tried, placing subtle emphasis on _we_.

"No, you can't," Josh told her with finality. "This area is off limits to everyone except authorized police personnel. You have to leave now."

Beth was shocked at the cold shoulder vibe she was getting from Josh. "But I thought… I mean, what about quid pro quo?" The last thing she expected after his talk and 'agreement' with Josef was his outright refusal.

Josh glanced around at the others in the area, then his gaze came back to lock on her. "Look," he said just a little louder than necessary. "Just because we had a few good times in the past doesn't mean you get any special reporter privileges. Now either you leave or I'll have you escorted out."

Stunned speechless, Beth automatically followed his command. As she made her way carefully around puddles and back to her car, she caught sight of Carl Davis. She would have detoured over to him, but when he saw her he immediately turned and walked briskly in the other direction.

Okay, that's weird," she told herself as she unlocked her car door and slipped inside. Of course the reporter in her was determined to get the answer to their odd behavior.

XXX

Lt. Carl bit into his chili dog, savoring the mouthful before washing it down with a drink of root beer from the paper cup in front of him. He regarded Beth shrewdly. "I know you have an ulterior motive for buying me lunch."

"I don't get to see much of you these days," she responded, trying out an innocent expression even while knowing he wouldn't be buying it. "I miss my friend. Of course… I also wouldn't turn down any information about that dead body up at Griffith Park this morning."

"Friends, huh? How come the only time I ever hear from you is when you want something?"

"I'm married and I have a jealous husband?" she tried. They both laughed. "This is different. Something's going on with Josh. He… he just didn't seem to be himself." And she knew Carl well enough to know he wouldn't even have been there if he didn't want to tell her.

Carl wiped his mouth with a napkin, sighing. Then, surprisingly, it all came forth without more prompting. "You could say that. You want to know what this is about?" Beth nodded. "Tejada. That's what it's about."

Beth's eyes widened. "The leader of HEM that Josh has been after for years?"

A ruthless drug and weapons dealer who'd so far managed to elude the authorities for years; he had a reputation for being especially merciless with those who crossed him. Much of his success could be traced to the fact that even his own people were terrified of him. To take him down would be a huge boon to the career of an A.D.A., although she knew Josh's main interest would be in getting the predator off the streets and saving lives.

"This one is nasty, Beth. Really nasty. Look, I'll be honest, I'm telling you this because I think Josh is in way over his head. I'm…concerned."

Which meant worried. It triggered her own unease, since Carl wasn't prone to exaggeration.

"Why? What happened?"

"Josh has become obsessed with nailing this guy. Yeah, Tejada needs to be behind bars no question, but Josh arrested him during his daughter's _sweet sixteen_ party. Tejada certainly views that as an act of disrespect and he was bound to retaliate. The dead man was one of the officers who carried out the warrant."

"A message." Beth felt her throat go dry, and took a drink of her lemonade.

Carl nodded. "It was totally unprofessional for Josh to take him in like that. It should have been done with a clear head, quietly in his office or something. Instead he made it personal. It was a show of aggression on Josh's part and Tejada knew it."

"Do you think Josh is in danger?" It was a disturbing thought. He may have been her ex, but they'd sharing something special, once, and she still had fond feelings for him.

"I know he is. Maybe you can talk some sense into him, because no one else can."

"You think he's listening to me these days?" she asked.

Carl gave her an assessing look. "You two seem like you're okay with each other now."

"Maybe," Beth said, thinking back to Josh's behavior at the scene. "He as much as told me to go to hell this morning," she admitted.

Carl shrugged. "I don't know… if I was him I'd probably be worried that you'll go get everyone in trouble by doing a story on this."

"You both know I'm a reputable journalist," Beth dismissed, annoyed. "I'm well aware that I can't air the story until the case is wrapped up."

"Then chalk it up to him not being himself." Carl wadded up his food wrapper and tossed it at the nearby garbage can, muttering a victorious yes! when it sailed neatly inside. "Or lack of sleep – he practically sleeps in his office these days – or pressure from above."

"If you're worried then I'm worried," Beth decided. "I'll see what I can do."

"Just don't get involved in the case," Carl warned as they rose and made their way out of the eatery. "Leave Tejada to the professionals. He'd have Mother Theresa murdered if he figured he had reason."

Beth shivered despite the summer temperature. "I'll definitely keep that in mind."

XXX

Mick let himself into the apartment, looking forward to a quietly relaxing evening with his wife. The case he was on was going nowhere, and he was definitely coming to believe the missing man was missing on purpose. If he couldn't stand the grating, condescending, snobbish wife even for the brief update meetings they'd had, he couldn't imagine having to _live_ with her. He shuddered in sympathy. Poor bastard was probably in Vegas shacked up with a showgirl.

Mick stopped short, all thoughts of the case flying out the window at the sight that greeted him.

Beth stood there in the middle of the room. She was wearing obscenely tight, leopard print spandex pants, and a black leather top with a plunging neckline that had him salivating. Her hair was teased out; it looked like she'd probably used a whole can of hairspray. A "backstage pass" was hanging from around her neck, obviously created on her computer considering it proclaimed: Micky Johns Tour 2008. ALL ACCESS. Aerosmith was playing on the stereo. He remembered the discussion they'd had back when Shane was visiting, about a groupie/rock star fantasy.

Mick cleared his throat. "I guess I'd better get out of this duster and Henley then, huh?" he said when he finally found his voice.

Beth smiled at him. "I'll be waiting."

Mick took the stairs two at a time.

In the bedroom, he saw the pile of clothing Beth had left for him on the bed. His momentary sigh of relief at the jeans – no way was he interested in trying to stuff his hard on into tight leather pants – turned to disbelief as he held them up for inspection. He'd never seen that many holes in any rocker's jeans. Some of them were definitely in places that would get him arrested should he walk out the door with it on. The pile didn't include underwear either, he noted. A black tank top a size too small completed the outfit.

Mick quickly changed, taking a moment to comb his hair forward to make it look a bit longer and more rocker-like. Then he took the stairs back down again, three at a time this time. He was pleased with the arousal he saw in Beth's eyes as they appraised him from head to toe, lingering on the middle.

"Hi Micky," Beth purred in a breathy voice. "I loved the show tonight. But I was hoping maybe you could put on a private show, just for me?"

Mick stalked smoothly forward, tugging slightly on the pass around her neck. "I don't know babe, shouldn't _you_ be putting on a show for _me_?" He countered with rock star cockiness.

"Maybe," she answered, running both hands down his arms and back up again, lingering over his broad shoulders. "But you see what my pass says."

"All access."

"Do I have all access?" she whispered in his ear, just before her tongue snaked out to lick it.

Mick shivered, losing the plot already. Wasn't _he_ supposed to be the one in charge? He was the rock star and she the groupie. He struggled to remember how it went from his Nighttroller days, but his brain was clearly unwilling to cooperate.

"We could go back to the bus and talk about it," he suggested. Good thing he'd gotten out of the music business, he was making a sad excuse of a bad boy rocker.

"Hmph," she pouted. "I suppose I should give you a… taste of what you'd be getting into."

Beth slid down and undid his jeans. His sigh of relief at the extra room turned into a groan as she drew his erection out and stroked it with her warm, soft hands. It felt so good… And the tongue that came out to tease felt incredible. The mouth that closed around the head… And when she began sucking he felt his legs weaken and cast around for something to brace himself on, but they were in the middle of the room and there was no support to be found. He locked his knees and balled his hands into fists to keep from grasping her head, his nails digging into his palms.

Mick was almost lost in the pleasurable haze when she released him and got to her feet. "How am I doing so far?" she asked teasingly.

And just like that, he was back in the game again, the shock of losing the hot mouth and getting the cool air instead clearing his senses slightly. He trailed one finger down the neckline of her top. "I hope you're not a cock tease, because there are lots of girls waiting for me backstage."

"Can they do to you what I can do?" she murmured, her hand finding his cock again.

Hell, no! "I think the question is, can another guy do to _you_ what I can?" He gave in to the irresistible urge and lowered his face to her cleavage, his tongue licking the breasts that were spilling out and delving between them hungrily. He continued his assault, his fingers rubbing the peaks of nipples that seemed to be begging for attention. Attuned to her as always, he drank in the intoxicating scent of her growing heat as it mixed with the smell of leather as if it was a potent perfume made just for him.

"Only you," she moaned, and the affirmation hiked up his arousal a notch.

In a move almost too fast for eyes, he had the top off and was swirling his tongue around her nipples, giving them little nips as she gasped and tried to get closer.

"Oh god, I'm so ready," she whimpered. "Aren't you ready?"

"I'm always ready to take you," he told her, letting the vampire out, thrilled as always when her response was arousal. Never even a hint of fear. As he become more comfortable with himself, it got easier to show that part of him to her. It was liberating.

The time for play was definitely over; they were both desperate for the main act. Arms wrapping around each other and mouths meeting for frantic kisses, they moved toward the stairs. Sucking on the tongue in his mouth and grinding his body against spandex, Mick decided they weren't up to such a dangerous undertaking as traversing the many steps leading to the second floor. He pushed her down onto the fourth step, sliding her pants down her legs. The vampire in him growled, pleased to see his mate wasn't wearing underwear either.

Ever mindful of her comfort even with the desire burning through him, Mick reversed their positions so he would be the one with the step digging into his back. As she braced herself with hands on his shoulders, he took her hips and lowered her down onto him.

They both gasped at first contact. Mick stilled but kept his hands on her hips, letting her take him inside at her own pace, straining with the effort to keep from thrusting forward. Finally, they were fully joined, but for a brief moment as she immediately began a slow steady rise and fall. They quickly found the rhythm together, helping each other choreograph the erotic dance of their bodies.

As he got closer to the edge, Mick drew her to him. Confident now in the control he finally realized he possessed, he touched just the tip of fang to her breast. Just a little pressure… and a drop of blood pearled there. He licked it away, the flavor exploding inside of him from just that one taste. He sucked on the wound, just a little, never too much, and Beth was crying out and he was plunging over the edge and they were both shaking with release.

"God bless rock and roll."

XXX

"Mick?"

"Hmm?" he said, distracted by the comforting weight of her body pressing into his as they lay on the couch together later. They were watching a movie on TV and cuddling on the couch, which was his favorite non-sexual pastime.

"Have you ever heard of Chemma Tejada?"

His attention focused at her words. "Leader of HEM? Yeah, he's been in the news enough. Tell me you're not doing a story on _him_," he cut right to the chase.

"No. Well, maybe, after he's arrested, I don't know yet. Josh has been building a case against him for months."

Nothing like the name of your wife's ex-boyfriend to kill a mood. "I can't think of any crime lord who's more dangerous."

"Carl thinks Josh is in over his head, and that Tejada will come after him."

And this has to do with me, how? Mick knew better than to voice the words in his head though; it would most likely piss her off. "I'm sure as a smart D.A. he'll get himself some protection." It was a valiant attempt, but doomed to fail.

"They think Tejada already had one of the officers who served a warrant on him killed. And Josh is acting really weird. I've never seen him like this."

Mick finally gave up feigning ignorance. "What do you want me to do?"

Beth looked up at him, clearly relieved. "Talk to him, at least."

"You want _me_ to talk to him??" his voice raised an octave in surprise. "He's going to listen to his ex girlfriend's _husband_?"

"He might listen to a wise vampire." Mick snorted his opinion of that. "Maybe he'll agree to letting you help him nail Tejada, or just being his bodyguard until he can get the man in jail without bail. You're not as vulnerable as he is as a human, and you have certain…avenues not open to him."

Sticking tighter than glue to his former competition. Sounded like fun. He also didn't see how that would work, since it would take months to go to trial and get a conviction, and men like him had long reaches, even in prison. Telling her that would only worry her though. "I'll talk to him," he capitulated.

"Have I told you that I love you?"

"For _that_, you're going to have to prove it to me."

So she did. Repeatedly and with gusto.

XXX

"Well, here we are, at last," Josh said after he'd ushered Mick into his apartment.

"I hope you're not going to make a pass at me," Mick joked.

Josh chuckled slightly at the joke, clearly uncomfortable. He motioned Mick to a chair and took a seat on the one across from it. Do to the delicate subject their conversation might touch upon, it was taking place at Josh's apartment rather than the D.A's office. Mick figured it made _him_ more comfortable but Josh probably less, which was just fine.

"I guess we never did have that 'talk,'" Josh began.

"No, we've both been pretty busy," Mick agreed. "I hope Josef didn't scare you _too_ much?" he asked with a small smile. He'd been afraid that he would be uneasy too, but was actually finding the situation amusing.

For some odd reason, jumping right into 'It' seemed to put Josh more at ease. "Just put the fear of G—uh, Kostan in me."

Mick's smile widened. "Yeah, Josef has that effect on people." Then he let the smile abruptly vanish. "But let me warn you that his bite is _worse_ than his bark."

"Pun intended?" Josh inquired faintly.

"Absolutely. That's not what I came here to talk to you about, though. I trust Josef covered all the important areas and we're clear, there. And I don't think there's much you and I can say to each other about," he hesitated just a second, "Beth."

"Then why are you here?" Josh asked curiously.

"Your friends are worried that you're trying to pull a lone wolf routine with the Tejada case, and for some reason I can't quite understand myself, I was elected to have a chat with you." Beth said talk to the man, she didn't say he couldn't be honest.

"Wow. Uh, yeah, actually I was going to talk to you about that anyway."

Now it was Mick's turn to be surprised.

"Tejada already had the wife of a prosecutor killed to get a case dismissed. That's his MO, threaten the family. I'm afraid Beth may be a target even though we're not together anymore. I'm not seeing anyone steady right now, and if he thinks I'm even still friends with her…"

"I won't let anything happen to her," Mick stated in a tone that left no doubt.

Josh paused, and then said quietly, "I know you won't.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"I guess you're entitled."

"Why did you arrest Tejada during his daughter's birthday party?"

Josh's face hardened. "To hit him where it hurts and let him know this is one DA he's not going to intimidate."

Mick continued as if Josh hadn't spoken. "'Because it seems a little suicidal to me."

"You think I'm suicidal? Don't worry, I plan to nail this bastard and I can't do that if I'm dead."

"That's my point. You think meeting this kind of man on his own moral low-ground will work?"

"It's what he understands," Josh countered.

"Once when I was a kid and I was playing outside, I saw this big hornet's nest out by the eve of the back porch. I thought it would be a good idea to get a stick and poke it… It wasn't," he finished meaningfully.

"Ah, but if your aim was to arrest one of the hornets, you'd have to get him out of the hive to do it."

"Only if you have on the proper protective equipment."

"Can we dispense with this metaphor nightmare?"

"Will you accept some help and protection so I don't have to hear from Beth about it?"

"Beth sent you?" Josh's tone and expression changed considerably.

Mick sighed. Suddenly the awkwardness he'd been looking for was there. "Beth doesn't want to see you dead and neither do I. This city needs honest, committed DA's like you. And I'm uh, pretty much impervious to the things that'll get you killed."

"You'd do it even if I _don't_ agree, wouldn't you?" Josh asked. Mick's purposely casual shrug was answer enough. "If it means Tejada gets behind bars for good sooner, and I don't have to worry about Beth being in danger because of me… yeah, I'll do it."

After talking strategy for a few minutes, Mick took his leave to make preparations for his "new case." They were both obviously relieved that the forced meeting was over.

"Was that story about the hornets really true?" Josh asked as Mick was leaving.

He paused at the door. "I was a stupid kid."

"And you wouldn't do anything like that now?"

Mick's sly grin said more than his words. "Well, I never actually said _that_… It can be fun," he admitted. "But then I'm not a fragile human."

"I'm betting no one is totally indestructible, not even vampires," Josh said softly to the closing door.

XXX

_80% of private detective work is surveillance. Sitting and waiting. Then there's the 15% boring leg work, computer research; the grunt work. That leaves only 5% tops for the really exciting stuff. You remind yourself, when tempted to chuck it all and take up bungee jumping or FMX, that you're doing it to help people. That's the most important thing, the one that gets you up out of the freezer every evening and sees you through the cheating spouses and embezzling CEO's. And you know you're helping there too, even if it's not a missing child or an abusive stalker._

_Even an ex-rival whose life has been threatened._

Mick found himself parked outside of Chemma Tejada's house (or was that mansion? Illegal drugs definitely paid well), doing the waiting game. Since Josh would be safe in court all afternoon, he'd decided to use the time to do a little snooping, on the off chance it would turn up some information as to Tejada's plans. Part of the reason was also Beth's refusal to seriously consider any possible danger to herself at this point, arguing that Tejada always gave a warning first, and so far there had been no sign he even knew she existed. Mick was taking no chances.

When his cell phone rang, Mick dug it out of his pocket, eyes never leaving the house in front of him except to glance at the screen to find out the caller.

"Josef, I'm kind of busy right now…"

"Yeah, I know, babysitting little Joshie," came his best friend's amused voice over the line.

"You checking up on me now?" he asked archly.

"Don't want anything to happen to our pet D.A. now, do we? He's not even house broken yet."

"So you're saying you don't think I can handle that job on my own?" Mick inquired mildly.

"Don't get your territorial panties in a bunch, I know you feel that as _your_ wife's ex, it's your duty to keep his ass safe." Mick could _hear_ the smirk. "But I'm the one that made the decision to let him in on our little secret. That makes him, unfortunately and thanks to you I might add, partly _my_ responsibility."

"I'll remember that when I need help taking down two dozen of Tejada's ruthless henchmen."

"Remember, I'm a lover not a fighter," Josef reminded him.

"Yeah, and I know way more about _that_ than I want to, believe me!"

Mick just had time to hear Josef's suspicious, "what do you mean by that?" as he pressed the end call button, grinning widely. It wasn't often he was able to get one over on Josef, so the opportunity to tease him was irresistible. Knowing he'd stew on that puzzle for awhile was very satisfying.

Even if he could almost imagine he heard the whisper of a voice saying, _remember the hornets_ in his ear, and the faint echo of evil laughter. He shrugged it off and got back to the hard work of watching and waiting.

XXX

It was only a few minutes later when phone rang again. Mick sighed, picking it up from seat where he'd left it. This time the caller wasn't Josef.

"Hi Shane," he greeted, surprised at the unexpected call.

"Hey Mick, how's it going, man?"

"Everything's good on this side. How's Sara?" Mick asked, his voice colored with sympathy for the girl, who'd just lost her mother in an auto accident.

"She's…doing okay."

"That's good to hear. What can I do for you? I'm actually in the middle of a case right now…"

"Ah, sorry, maybe I should call back later."

But something in his voice had peaked Mick's curiosity and it was unusual enough for Shane to be calling that he wanted to know why. "No, it's fine, there's nothing much going on this minute. Surveillance," he explained shortly, "Guy's in the shower and jerking off. Not something I want to listen in on."

"Voyeurism can be fun," came the predictably pervy answer.

"I'll pass thanks. I'm much more interested in why you called." And the more reluctant Shane seemed to be the more Mick wanted to know.

"Okay, this is gonna sound like a bizarre question, but… have you noticed anything strange about Josef lately?"

"Uh, no, he seems same as ever to me… Strange how? What's going on, Shane?" he asked outright when the pause on the other end lengthened.

"He's been acting strange –and believe me, I've known him for 400 years so I know what I'm talking about. I've been kinda distracted lately, with what happened to Alisha and all, but now that I've had a chance to think about it, I admit it's bugging me."

"You need to give me more than that," Mick told him. "I've known him awhile too, and I haven't noticed anything."

"Okay." He could hear Shane take a deep breath. "He showed up on my doorstep unexpectedly last week, acting… well, a bit, uh frantic. He refused to tell me why or what was going on. I know something was bothering him. I let it go though, because… well, I just wasn't in the mood to push him on anything. Then at the funeral, he gets all philosophical, tells me this is what life is all about – love and DEATH. Before he left – after being here a grand total of eleven hours by the way -- he told Sara to keep me out of trouble. Kissed her forehead and told her "she'll do" – like he was, I don't know, passing me over to her or something."

Mick sat forward in the seat, not quite believing what he thought he was hearing. "Are you trying to tell me you think Josef is what, suicidal or something?" The concept was totally incomprehensible to him.

There was a brief silence on the line. "You said it first, not me, so you made the same connection," Shane finally said. "I _know_ it sounds crazy, but the way he's been acting is weird, too. Then when I put it all together… I'm just worried about him. I was hoping you could kinda keep an eye on him for me."

Mick's first reaction was to dismiss the foolish notion immediately, but the knowledge of how close Josef was to his brother/sire/whatever made him more cautious. "I can do that," he agreed. "But whatever would make him suicidal?" he asked in a deceptively offhand tone.

"I have no idea," Shane said after an almost infinitesimal pause and Mick knew he was lying. "You know Josef, who can understand him most of the time? Look – it's absolutely crazy and totally impossible, and I'm just being paranoid. I don't know why the stupid idea ever entered my head."

But it did. And that was telling, if nothing else. "I just heard from him a few minutes ago and he sounded fine. I'll keep an eye on him," Mick promised. "And I'll let you know if I notice anything out of the ordinary."

"Thanks. Hey – did the guy come yet?" Shane asked, changing the subject back to teasing.

"Goodbye," Mick said forcefully and hit the end call. The last thing he needed was an image in his brain of Tejada jerking off – it might put him off sex for a month!

Circumstantial evidence just led to a probability factor, not concrete proof. On the other hand, if you put enough of it together and it equaled one particular conclusion, you had to weigh it seriously. If you believed it had shown you the truth in one instance, did that mean in another set of circumstances it would also prove true?

Mick sat and watched, and thought about Josef, Josh, and suicide.

XXX

_Sometimes it's good to have time on your hands to think. Ideas come to you that might not have, otherwise. Sometimes even brilliant ideas, if I do say so myself…_

Mick hit the speed dial on his cell phone as he pulled out onto the freeway, headed for the courthouse. Josh would be finished there for the day, and it was time to do the bodyguard part of his gig. His hours at Tejada's house hadn't yielded any clues as to the man's plans concerning Lindsey, but most likely they – whatever they were – were already in motion. The afternoon hadn't been a total loss however, since he'd come up with a perfect solution to his current dilemma: how to keep an eye on Josef without him knowing about it, and guard Beth when she refused to be guarded, while also protecting Josh round the clock. Mick couldn't be in three places at once, but…

As soon as he heard his friend's voice, Mick began talking. "Hey Josef, remember when you offered to help me with this Josh thing?"

"I did?" came Josef's mock confused retort. "I don't recall that…"

"Actually, I _could_ use your help," Mick continued, ignoring him. "There's a chance that Beth could also be a target for Tejada, because of her prior relationship with Josh. You know Beth though, she refuses to consider the possibility. I'm probably just being paranoid, but if there's even a remote chance she might be in danger… I was hoping you could keep an eye on her for me."

"And what makes you think she'll let _me_ guard her, when she won't you?"

"She will if she doesn't know you're guarding her. Let's just say I've got a plan in place. In fact, I have a feeling she'll be headed over to your place within the hour."

"A plan, huh?" Josef muttered suspiciously.

"Trust me. Just keep her safe for me, brother," he finished, with quite sincerity.

Josef heaved a put-upon sigh, but it was mostly for show. Mick knew he cared a lot for Beth. "Well, it's better than babysitting Joshie."

"Thank you."

He ended that call and hit the next speed dial. After a few rings, Beth picked up. "Hey, babe."

"You sound entirely too chipper for this time of day," Beth observed. "Tell me the case is wrapped up and Tejada is behind bars."

"Wish I could. Actually, I have a favor to ask you."

"What do you need?" Beth's tone immediately became all business; she was probably thinking it was going to be something related to the case. He could picture her picking up a pen and grabbing a piece of paper, reading to jump into the investigation.

"Sorry, but it's not related to this case. In fact, it's going to sound very strange but just hear me out…"

"Okay…"

"I need you to spend some time with Josef for me while I'm busy with this. Kinda keep an eye on him." He waited for her expected reaction, and wasn't surprised.

"You want me to do _what_?"

"I told you it's gonna sound crazy. Shane called me today, and he's worried about Josef. He said he's been acting really odd lately, he thinks Josef might be, well, depressed."

"We are talking about Josef Konstantin, right?" She continued skeptically.

"It seems Josef showed up in Resurrection recently, and said and did some things that sounded a bit…ominously final."

Now Beth's incredulous silence came through loud and clear. "You don't believe that, do you?" she finally asked.

"It's hard to. But Shane's known him longer than I have, and you know there's all sorts of subtext going on there that we don't know about. If he's concerned, there _must_ be a reason."

"Are you sure this isn't just a ploy to actually keep an eye on _me_?" Beth asked suspiciously.

"I'm telling you the absolute truth about that," Mick assured her with sincerity. "You can call Shane and ask him," he offered. "Have him fill you in on the details."

"Well…okay. I don't for one minute think he's suicidal, but I know he's been having a rough time lately. I suppose he could be having trouble handling everything, what with the situation with Sarah and all. Maybe I can subtly try to get him to talk about it…"

"That would be great!" Mick enthused. "I love you."

"Love you too."

He rang off, leaving them both in the capable hands of the other and him sitting pretty. "I love it when a plan comes together," he murmured to himself, ala the A Team's Hannibal.

XXX

_If I should stay I would only be in your way_

_So I'll go, but I know  
I'll think of you every step of the way  
And I will always love you  
Will always love you…_

_--Parton_

.

As Mick entered the safe house, he gave the place a once over, his eyes missing nothing: weak spots, possibly entry points, noting everything he needed to in one quick glance. Whitney Houston was singing "I Will Always Love You." Josh was on the couch, going over a thick file of legal briefs while movie "The Bodyguard" played on the television in the corner.

Mick nodded toward the TV when Josh glanced over at him. "I hope that doesn't give you any ideas, I already told you I'm not sleeping with you."

"It's playing on cable all night. Do all vampires have… an odd sense of humor?"

An enigmatic smile hinted at Mick's lips and he shrugged slightly. "I obviously hang out with Josef too much." He took his gun out of the shoulder holster, and placed it the drawer of the desk in front of him.

Josh nodded toward the gun. "Do you really need that thing?"

"Probably not. But there are times when it's not convenient to show our true nature in public."

"I see."

Mick prowled the room, feeling uncomfortable with the surroundings. "You should have stayed at my place; it's a hundred times more secure than this flimsy excuse for a safe house."

"Oh yeah, just what I want to do, spend time as a houseguest at Beth and her husband's place." Josh muttered the words too low for a mortal to hear; obviously he didn't realize about vamp hearing. "There's some takeout Chinese in the—oh yeah, you wouldn't be interested in that, I guess."

"I'm fine, thanks," Mick answered.

"So, um, where _do_ you get dinner?" he asked nervously when Mick had finished his circuit of the room and settled in one of the chairs.

"Blood bank," he answered shortly, wondering how much explanation Josef had given him, didn't seem like a lot, unsurprisingly. He couldn't help remember those first few weeks with Beth and her constant questions. He realized he'd been almost anxious to answer her. She never judged him, right from the start, and was excited and curious by his world. This time, all he felt was reluctant.

"Do you ever drink Beth's blood?" Josh asked in a rush, as if trying to get it out before losing his nerve.

Mick looked at him sharply. "I don't think that's any of your business."

Obviously getting the first asked gave him impetus to continue more confidently. "Did you think it was my business all those months ago when she came home from the desert with two puncture wounds in her wrist?"

The two faced each other across the space between them, questions asked and answered by their eyes. They'd both known they were rivals for weeks before Beth had broken up with Josh, it had been an unspoken mutual understanding, apparent in the way they sized each other up.

"I'm only going to say this once: Beth saved my life in the desert, after I almost died protecting your witness. And there was never anything...physical between us until she broke up with you." Well, technically the night before, but he wasn't going to get too literal. And that's if you didn't count the intense bond the feeding had forged. But comparing vampire intimacy to human was a bit like trying to compare apples and oranges.

He almost missed Josh's next question, his attention taken by the visitors he heard arriving outside.

"Why were you dying?" Because you needed blood?" Josh pressed, as the door opened to admit Beth and Josef.

"Because he was willing to die before he touched Lenny," Beth told Josh defiantly, having heard the last part of the conversation. "In fact, he was going to die rather than taking my blood. I insisted."

"Yeah, but don't get the idea we all have the boy scout here's scruples," Josef quipped as he crossed the room, throwing Mick a quickly masked but troubled look. He made himself comfortable next to Josh, slinging a pretend casual arm around his shoulder, but letting his hand brush the man's neck meaningfully. "If we get hungry enough, even _you_ would be tasty."

"I hope you're not hungry," Josh managed, clearly uncomfortable with the powerful vampire's closeness.

"Don't tease the humans," Mick scolded. "What are you two doing here, anyway?" he asked, but clearly happy to see them both.

"We got bored," Josef explained. "And since we know you don't properly take care of yourself when you're on a case…"

On his cue, Beth took the black bag she was carrying into the kitchen. Mick recognized the bag; it was the one he used for transporting blood. She returned moments later, handing him a white plastic McDonald's cup.

"Oh, that's just wrong on so many levels," Josef said, shooting the cup a disgusted glance.

Mick gratefully drank the blood, trying to ignore Josh's too interested gaze and grateful for Beth's choice of opaque drink holder.

"Ooh, I love this movie," Beth pronounced when she noticed what was on the TV, sitting down in the other easy chair and her attention going to the screen.

"We're not watching a 'chick flick' are we?!" Josef asked, shooting a suspicious type look at Josh.

"You have no taste," Beth told him. "Along with "Ghost" and "Titanic" this is a classic love story."

"No, Casablanca is a classic love story," Mick countered.

"That too," Beth had to agree.

"I've always been more the "unconventional love story" type myself," Josef added with a secret smirk. "And you may think the Titanic is a great love story, but it wasn't so great if you were onboard, believe me."

Three gazes, with various levels of shock, settled on Josef.

"What?!" he asked crossly. "And don't get me started on "Ghost." Stupid idiot got himself killed trying to play hero in front of his girl, didn't he? Humans are so tediously predictable."

"They all have beautiful love songs associated with them," Josh noted, trying to join the conversation, but was ignored.

"And what is your favorite love story then?" Beth asked Josef.

A small smile hinted at Josef's lips. "My own. As difficult and complicated and crazy as it is," he added in a whisper Mick had to wonder if was mean to be overheard.

Beth's loving gaze slid involuntarily to Mick. "Well, there's that," she had to agree, her eyes drinking in his familiar profile.

"Is there anything you believe is worth dying for?" Mick asked Josef, watching his reaction closely. He'd made a lot of assumptions over the last several weeks, but lately he had to wonder if making _assumptions_ about Josef Konstantin was a wise idea.

An answer flickered for only a second in his eyes, and then it was gone before Mick could even try to interpret it. "No." Then he jumped up and headed for the kitchen where he got himself a glass of blood. When he returned, he regarded Mick intently. "Now, I know you've been running around in the sun all day, so you're going to get some rest while I keep an eye on the children." It was clearly an order. "There should be a delivery of ice arriving for you any minute."

"Fine," Mick conceded with more grace than he actually felt. "Enjoy your chick flicks…" was his parting shot as he headed for the bathroom. Beth followed after him; it was obvious they didn't want to say a 'proper' goodnight in front of Josh.

"I've decided I really _don't_ want to know anything else about vampires," Josh told Josef when they were alone.

"Good choice."

XXX

The next morning Josh was up early for court again. He and Beth sat at the kitchen table having breakfast. Mick was in the shower. Josef was sitting on the couch, glass of blood in his hand and staring up at the ceiling, clearly having grown board with his assignment.

Beth's gaze kept flicking to Josef, wondering about what Mick had told her. He had plenty of reason to be stressed and upset, what with the new hope for Sarah Whitley that had to be weighing heavy on his mind, but was it _more_ serious than just that? He _did_ seem to be not quite himself, but she couldn't put her finger on exactly why she felt that way.

"So," Josh began, as he put the morning paper aside. "Weird is definitely normal now, huh?"

"Don't listen to Josef. He's a cynic, even for a vamp. As you get to know them you'll find they have more in common with us than not. They love and laugh and hurt…"

"And hold stupid conversations about movies?"

"It'll start seeming normal to you soon, too."

"I think even normal is somehow bizarre in this circumstance," Josh admitted. He pinned her with an intent gaze. "Look at me and tell me you're happy like this, in their world."

Beth gladly complied. "In their world is where I belong. There's no doubt in my mind. When something is this right for you, you feel it inside. No second thoughts or regrets."

Josh nodded silently.

Beth's attention was captured by the vision of Mick walking out of the bathroom, buttoning his shirt, hair still wet and a towel slung over his neck. "Ready to go, Josh?"

Josh rose and grabbed his briefcase, downing the last of his coffee. "Yep."

The other three trailed him out the door.

"What are you two going to do today?" Mick asked Beth, stopping on the top step and sliding an arm around her waist.

"Sleeping," Josef pronounced. Patting his pockets, he sworn. "Hold on, I left my cell inside." He went back into the house to retrieve it.

"We'll see you again tonight," Beth promised with a smile, leaning in for a kiss.

"I miss you," Mick told her when they broke apart, which led to another kiss, which led to his pulling her tighter into his arms and giving her a proper good morning.

Standing by the car, Josh watched the two obviously deeply devoted lovers. It was a bittersweet knowledge, that he couldn't ask for a better man to be taking care of Beth, yet it reminded him of what he'd lost. He couldn't help wondering, usually in the dark of night in his bed alone, if there had been anything he could have done at any point to change the outcome. Had it been inevitable ever since the moment she first met Mick at that crime scene? Had he lost, even then? Or had his missed an opportunity somewhere along the line?

Lost in his thoughts and the scene before him, Josh never noticed the racing of an engine until the car was literally on top of him. He was grabbed; a gun shoved into his ribs, and pushed unceremoniously into the trunk. The car sped off.

XXX

It was one of those moments that seemed to speed by in a blur of activity. There was a stunned pause as Mick and Beth realized what was happening, and then exploded into action.

"Oh my God, Josh!" Beth yelled, taking off for Mick's car with him and Josef on her heels.

The three of them jumped into the car, and Mick peeled out from the curb, taking off after the kidnapper's sedan. They sped up when they realized they were being followed; Mick pushed harder on the gas pedal to keep up with them.

"Hurry!" Beth urged.

"I can't believe you let him get snatched right under your nose," Josef groused.

"We'll catch them," Mick said shortly, his attention on the road.

"It's not Mick's fault!" Beth defended, knowing her husband well enough to know he was already feeling responsible for what happened. "Josh didn't stay close to us; he walked down to his car."

"Can we argue about this later?" Mick suggested.

"Turn right up here," Josef told him, as the sedan up ahead made a turn.

"Thank you Mr. Back Seat driver."

"Hey, if we were in my Ferrari we would have caught them by now."

A tense silence fell as Mick maneuvered through the streets following the sedan and trying to come up with a way to stop them without endangering other motorists. Approaching a traffic signal the car suddenly picked up speed. Knowing what they had planned, Mick mentally crossed his fingers. The sedan flew through just as the light turned red.

"Hold on!" Mick warned, flooring the gas pedal as he tried to make it through the intersection. Unfortunately, luck wasn't on their side. A UPS truck appeared in front of them, blocking the way. Jerking the wheel hard to the right and hitting the brakes, he just avoided the collision by a hair's breath. The Mercedes screeched to a shuddering stop at the side of the road. The sedan had vanished even from vampire sight.

"Do you see them?" Mick asked the other vampire.

"No."

"We can't stop now!" Beth insisted. "We've got to find them!"

Mick shook his head. "We can't just drive the streets blind and hope we spot them."

"Should we call the P.D.?" she asked.

"I have a better idea." Mick turned sideways in his seat to address Josef in the back. "We can have Ryder track Josh's cell phone."

"No, we can't," Josef answered. "He's out of the country for awhile."

"What? Why?!"

"Let's just say he hacked something he shouldn't have hacked and leave it at that."

"Dammit!" Mick punched the steering wheel with a fist.

"Griffith Park!" Beth exclaimed after a moment of frustrated silence in the car.

"What?"

"It's worth a try," Mick agreed and pulled back into traffic.

"Tejada had one of the officers who served a warrant on him murdered and dumped in Griffith Park," Beth explained to Josef. "There's a chance that might be where they're taking Josh too."

"It's a big park," Josef muttered.

"So start praying," Mick informed him.

XXX

This time, luck decided to be on their side. The kidnappers, probably assuming they'd lost their pursuers, had slowed down to a normal speed. Not wanting to call attention to themselves they were obeying traffic laws and stopping for red lights. When Mick turned onto North Vermont Avenue heading up to the park, he spied the sedan several cars ahead.

"There they are," Josef noted unnecessarily.

"I see 'em," Mick said, easing off the gas now that they were in sight.

"Maybe that praying stuff works," Josef commented.

"I'm gonna hang back now, I don't want them to know we found them."

"It looks like they're heading for the same spot where the…officer was found," Beth said nervously.

"Don't worry, we got 'em," Mick reassured his wife as the two cars made their way up the winding road into the park.

"Let me out," Josef suggested. "I'll follow them on foot."

"Good idea." Mick slowed the car and Josef jumped out, vanishing into the trees.

"They must know we're behind them by now," Beth said as they got to the point where they were the only two cars.

"They know," Mick confirmed as the sedan slowed, then stopped. He pulled up several feet behind them."I want you to stay down," he told Beth vehemently. "No crazy moves just because you're with vampires. We can handle it." He may not have any reservations left about turning her, but the promise of the prophesy was never far from his mind these days. If there was a possibility that the future had a family in mind for him, he wanted to make sure nothing happened to change it. "Promise me."

"I promise," Beth told him, ducking down at his words.

The gunmen were overconfidently assured that they could take on two would-be rescuers as they calmly checked their weapons. They had no idea they were completely out matched by the two unarmed vampires.

Mick got out of the car, spying Josef behind a tree to his right. Giving his friend a slight nod, he rushed the sedan, knowing Josef would be doing the same.

They reached the car just as the two men were getting out. The element of surprise took them totally unaware as the vamps used their inhuman speed to reach them before they could even blink. Josef grabbed the passenger and pulled him out of the car, yanking his gun out of his hand and sending him flying through the air. He hit a tree and slumped to the ground, injuries rendering him immediately unconscious.

Meanwhile, Mick quickly dispatched the driver, slamming his head into the steering wheel hard and letting him fall sideways onto the seat, also out cold.

"That was pathetically easy," Josef complained, as Mick grabbed the keys out of the ignition. "Humans just don't provide any challenge whatsoever."

"I like easy. Easy's good," Mick said with a grin as Beth came running up to them. He tossed her the keys, and she opened the trunk to a very relieved looking Josh.

"Are you okay?!" she demanded as she pulled the tape off his mouth.

"He's okay," Mick assured.

"Thanks," Josh exclaimed with a relieved smile.

"Let's get you untied and out of there. Mick, can you get the ropes?"

That was the moment when, without warning, three shots rang out and Josh's body lurched violently as bullets slammed through the back seat of the car and hit their target.

Beth screamed as Mick shoved her to the ground out of the line of fire. Both vamps grabbed for the assailant, nearly ripping him in half as they each tried to yank him out of the car from opposite sides.

"Make a wish," Josef growled, but let go and left him for Mick to deal with.

Mick snapped the guy's neck and tossed him aside.

Beth scrambled to her feet, bracing herself for the sight of Josh dead and covered in blood…

Instead, Mick was helping him from the trunk. "How bad is it?"

Josh winced in pain as his feet touched the ground and his legs almost buckled. He was held up by both Mick and Josef as he looked down at the dark stain on his pants leg.

"Guess I took a bullet in the leg and my side hurts like hell from where the other two hit, but I'd be dead now if you hadn't made me wear that bullet proof vest," he told Mick.

"You could have told me!" Beth said, hitting Mick hard in the arm and glaring at Josh. "You scared the hell out of me." She then hit Josh in the side for good measure, pleased when his wince of pain told her she'd gotten his sore spot.

"At least you listened this time," Mick told Josh. "Beth, go ahead and call for the cops and an ambulance while I check his injuries."

"Um, no offense, but I can wait for a doctor…" Josh began nervously as Mick lowered him to the ground and started ripping his pants leg for a better look at the wound.

"Trust me," Mick assured him. "I know what I'm doing; I was a medic in the war."

"What war?" Josh asked with curiosity as he tried not to react to the fingers prodding his wound.

"World War II," Mick answered with an ironic tone and slight grin.

"Wow," Josh murmured, seeming to see Mick in a new light. Shock was setting in and he was starting to feel sick. He hoped he wouldn't embarrass himself by throwing up all over his rescuer.

"Whatever you do, don't ask him about the Battle of the Bulge," Josef cut in, then started mimicking his friend. "Man, it was so cold that winter I can remember…people dying left and right…hell on earth… blah blah… boring story."

"Shut up Josef," Mick said mildly, but shot him a grateful look for his help taking Josh's mind off the pain.

Josef ignored him. "Now, if you really want to hear about hell, ask me about the plague…"

XXX

To the relief of everyone involved, it was over. Josh was taken to the hospital to be treated for the gunshot wound in his leg that had just missed hitting a major artery. He also had two broken ribs and bruising from the bullets impacting the vest. The Tejada goon who was still alive was willing to make a deal with police and provide testimony against him. He was arrested and held without bail due to the attempted murder of a D.A.

XXX

And so life returned to normal – at least as normal as it ever got for the vampires. The next evening while Beth visited Josh in the hospital, Mick and Josef were relaxing with drinks at their apartment.

Mick had yet to determine whether Shane's worry had any basis in fact. Deep in thought, he kept shooting looks at Josef. Josef of course, noticed.

Finally, he broached the subject himself. "Something must be on your mind, because I know I'm gorgeous but I somehow doubt that's why you've been staring."

Mick chuffed a laugh, and then turned serious. "Just wondering if everything is okay."

Josef raised one eyebrow. "And you're wondering that, why?"

Mick made his decision. Now that there was no excuse to keep Josef around while he figured it out, he had to switch to a more direct approach. "I got a call from Shane the other day."

Josef's expression showed his surprise. "Is he okay?" he immediately asked.

Mick nodded. "It's _you_ he's worried about."

"Me? Why wo—oh."

Well, that reaction answered _one_ of his questions. "Oh, hmm? I hear you've been acting weird lately." Knowing Josef's penchant for evasion and secrets, Mick knew he needed to be _very_ direct. "Now I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the idea, but on the off chance you _might_ be thinking of offing yourself, I need to be sure you're not."

Josef stared. Blinked. "Shane thinks I'm suicidal??"

And then he started laughing hysterically.

"Well, that's a comforting response," Mick noted.

After a few more moments of laughter, Josef managed to sober. "Trust me Mick, I'm not. He misinterpreted, that's all. "

"What did he misinterpret?" Mick gave a shot at asking.

Josef didn't even bother to lie, just didn't answer. "I'm touched Mick, really. When you get tired of the PI gig we can get you a job on a suicide hotline." He began chuckling again.

"Well you'd better call him, and have either an explanation or a good lie waiting for him."

The words stopped the chuckles. "Crap."

"You might try the truth for a change," Mick suggested.

"Highly over-rated," Josef responded. "I didn't realize he was such an idiot. Maybe he has a bigger ego than I thought he did," Josef mumbled to himself.

"Tends to prevent misunderstandings," Mick continued knowing he'd be ignored again, but that was okay. Josef would always be Josef, and he was beyond the whole honesty obsession. He'd come to realize that was actually comforting.

"Can I ask you a question?" Josef said out of the blue awhile later.

"Sure," Mick said, wondering what was coming.

"_How did you know_?" The intent look Josef pinned him with gave his meaning more clarity, harking back to a recent phone conversation when he'd teased Josef about his love life…

_"Remember, I'm a lover not a fighter," Josef reminded him._

_"Yeah, and I know way more about that than I want to, believe me!"_

"I'm a P.I. remember? A good one."

Josef inclined his glass in a toast. "I'm impressed."

"What I said back there," Mick continued after a pause. "I didn't literally mean I don't want to know. I just mean, um…if you ever want to talk to someone, about anything, you know…" Maybe he'd known for awhile, subconsciously, and that had subtly morphed into _knowing_ somewhere along the line… but he still didn't pretend to have a real clue about Josef's relationship with Shane. It was more like a fact of nature. It just _was_.

"I'll take that under consideration. Thanks." There was no trace of snide sarcasm in Josef's tone, just a genuine thank you. Both of them now secure in the knowledge that their friendship was unchanged and strong enough to withstand unexpected personal revelations.

It was Josef who again broke the comfortable silence. "The other night you asked me if I believed there was something worth dying for. Well the answer is _no_. Especially not love. You don't die for love; you _live_ for love, no matter what, no matter how. You kick and you scream and claw for every second you have. Love is worth living for."

"After five decades, you still surprise me," Mick told him.

"I surprise myself sometimes," Josef responded with a wry smirk as he rose from the chair. "Well, I'm going home and hit the freezer early. It's been a tiring few days in Josh-land." He grabbed his jacket and slung it over a shoulder, heading for the door. Instead of leaving, he paused there. "I've probably never told you how much I value your friendship, but never doubt the truth of it anyway. I owe you," he added in a lighter tone.

"No you don't," Mick told him quietly, still too stunned by his words to think of a proper response.

Josef grinned with more than a hint of the devil lurking inside. "Yeah, I do. For manipulating Beth and I into keeping an eye on each other. It was a brilliant plan worthy of Konstantin and I'm proud of you – but I have a reputation to maintain. So someday, somewhere, maybe when you least expect it, I _will_ even the score." With those final words, Josef took his leave.

And Mick sat and thought about hornets.

.

**end chapter two: True Love Lasts Forever**


	3. Saving Grace

**Important A/N**: okay, after thinking about this for a long time, I've finally made a decision. Some of you may suspect that there is more to this universe than you have seen here. The hints have been there and with the previous chapter, "True Love Lasts Forever" it was made rather obvious that there's more to Josef and Shane's relationship. Up until recently, I have been keeping the "supplimental" stories out of the main universe so that they weren't necessary to the understanding of it. It has developed now though to the point where they are so intertwined that's no longer possible. I do not feel comfortable posting them here, so you won't find them here at this time. If you want to read them you can find them at **Live Journal**. I'm mscatmoon. They are also on a couple of Moonlight websites. Two of them are directly tied to this particular chapter and further explain some things. "Forces of Flight" and "Saving Shane" are missing scenes from this chapter. Be warned: they have explicit slash m/m content. Don't seek them out if that kind of thing offends you!

**With this chapter, this universe will begin to have obvious slash elements.** I am attempting to make them non-explicit and keep that stuff by itself...but I don't know if my muses will cooperate in future. We'll have to see. If they don't, I'll have another decision to make at that time...

.

Chapter Three:

**Saving Grace**

By Cat Moon

.

The room was bathed in darkness, save for the half dozen candles placed on various surfaces for effect. The sounds of his nighttime filtered in through the partially opened window. Afterglow, candle glow; there was a warmth inside of him that belied his perpetual vampire coolness. Wrapped in the arms of the woman he loved, the smell of sex and them perfuming the air, he was content as he'd never been in his entire life before – alive or undead.

No voices intruded on this perfection, only the faint echo of their earlier cries of passion. Their bodies and hearts silently communicated with each other in the stillness of the evening. In the solitude of his mind, Mick prayed that he never took this for granted, no matter how many centuries they had together. Beth called him her guardian angel, but she truly was the savior of Mick St. John. Life didn't get any better than this.

He felt Beth's mouth curve into a smile as he placed a kiss there, his hands moving lazily over her skin as other parts of his body contemplated waking up again. The second time could be even better than the first, languid, relaxed, urgency spent but desire never dulling. She would welcome him inside as if he'd never left, and the sweet sharp spike of pleasure would cause her to cry out again, unless the sound was swallowed by his kiss…

The jangle of the telephone cut harshly into the sanctity of the moment, intruding and insistent.

Giving Beth a wry grin, Mick reached over to snag the receiver, thinking that he really needed to remove the telephone from the bedroom entirely. The minute he heard Greg Bannister's voice though, he was instantly alert, knowing it couldn't be good news.

"Sorry to bother you Mick," Greg began, "but I couldn't get a hold of Shane's emergency contact, Josef. "

"What's wrong?" Mick asked.

Two words, and all traces of romantic notions vanished. "Shane's missing."

Mick sat up, running a hand through his hair. He could feel Beth's inquiring look as he switched into his all-business persona. "Yeah, Josef's vacationing in San Diego; I'll try to get a hold of him. In the meantime, give me the details."

"Don't have many. He's vanished without a trace, just didn't show up anywhere after his shift. Sara hasn't heard from him, either, and you know that's cause for alarm. I have an APB out for him, but no clues, nothing to go on."

Mick's detective mind began processing the information. Shane was even less likely to worry Sara by taking off without word than he himself would with Beth, unless she wasn't telling the truth about that. Josef had left a strict "do not disturb" message on his voice mail, so it wasn't surprising he was incommunicado, although there might be something there… There was also the possibility that Shane's disappearance was vampire-related. Any way you looked at it, it called for the services of a vamp detective.

"I'm going to get a flight up there as soon as I can," he told Greg.

"I'd welcome the help," Greg said.

Greg was a good man, and not too proud to accept help when it was offered. Mick respected him. "I'll call you back when I have my flight info."

"What's going on?" Beth asked as soon as he'd hung up.

"That was Greg, Shane is missing. I'm going to head up there and see if I can help find him." Mick got out of bed and began gathering his clothing, intent on a quick wash up and then being on his way.

"I'll go with you," she said expectedly, starting to get out of bed.

"What about your story?"

"Damn," she muttered, subsiding back onto the mattress. She was in the middle of a hot story (thankfully for Mick, nothing dangerous this time). "I can't go until I finish this up. But I'll see what I can do to help from here. And I'm going to call Sara, I know how she must be feeling and I can probably reassure her some."

Mick stopped at her side of the bed, giving her a lopsided grin, enjoying, as always, her go-get 'em attitude. Beth was like a bulldog. A cute, blond, pixie nosed bulldog…

"You know I hate being left out," she told him peevishly.

"And sexy, and stubborn, and a force of nature…" Mick continued his thoughts out loud.

"And you be careful!" she demanded, as he reached out to frame her face in his hands.

"You too, Mrs. St. John," he told her, giving her a kiss to curl her toes, before heading reluctantly into the bathroom to get ready.

**XXX**

_In a normal missing person's case, the first forty eight hours are critical. Investigators know that if they don't find the person by then, the odds of a good outcome are not in their favor. With every second that goes by on the clock your chances are ticking away. Think of being a vampire as having the added complication of a unique disease requiring special medication. After the first twenty four hours the urge to feed starts getting pretty strong. Give it seventy two and you're into dangerous territory for everyone concerned – and that includes the whole vampire community if you lose control and do something in front of someone you shouldn't. Shane didn't have my well honed guilt complex. I wasn't sure whether I should be comforted or worried by that fact. I could only hope that wherever he was, if he was alive, he had access to blood, somehow._

Mick was at the airport when he finally managed to get Josef on the cell. Rather than engage in small talk, he got right to the point. "Shane's missing."

"What?" came the suddenly serious voice on the other end.

"No one's seen or heard from him in almost twenty four hours. He didn't say anything to Sara, and there's no trace of him. Greg called me because he couldn't get a hold of you."

"He wouldn't just leave like that on his own, Mick. He wouldn't leave Sara." Josef sounded worried, and a bit plaintive. And when Josef Konstantin was worried, you'd best be, too.

"I know," Mick said softly.

"I'm on my way. Where are you?"

"I'm at the airport. There isn't a whole hell of a lot of daily flights to Alaska and I just missed one, but I was hoping I could use your plane, if it's available."

There was a minute pause, and then Josef said something that spoke to his faith and trust in Mick and his PI skills more than a shout from the rooftops. "It's there. The pilot will be there in minutes or he'll be fired. I'll get a commercial flight up as soon as I can."

**XXX**

In atmosphere at the sheriff's office was somber when Mick arrived several hours later. Greg was behind his desk, and Sara sat in a chair in the corner, wearing an oversized sweatshirt that said "Property of the Sheriff's Department" and headphones on her ears. When she saw him she jumped up and ran to him, her arms going around his waist. It was a testament to how upset she was. That and the eyes that had looked at him when he walked in. The light that was usually there was dulled. He didn't know whether it was Shane's disappearance or a combination of that and her mother's recent death, but he knew he never wanted to cause Beth's eyes to look like that.

Mick hugged her tightly. "We'll find him, I promise," he found himself saying, praying it was true.

She stepped back. "I know he'll be okay. I just…" she shrugged.

Mick met Greg's eyes over her head, communicating silently.

Greg perceptively picked up on the message. "I'm going to call your Aunt Pat to come and take you home," he told Sara. "There's nothing you can do here, and Mick and I need to get to work." Pat Adams was Ethan's sister. She'd come to town for Alisha's funeral, and decided to stay for awhile to lend her presence and support to the grieving family.

Sara turned toward Greg, some of the fire returning to her gaze. "First of all I'm fully capable of taking my own self home, so you don't need to patronize me. Second, since I know him better than either of you, there might be something I _can_ do."

Mick formulated his response for a moment, before deciding. "Damn girl," he copied Shane's common expression, and then added a Josef finish. "One Nora is enough. Have pity on us. What do you think Shane is going to do to us if he comes home to find out we weren't taking good care of you?"

As Sara gave in and left the building, Mick never realized how prophetic those words might turn out to be.

"Okay," Greg began when the girl was gone, all business despite his obvious concern about his superior and friend. "I'm not any closer to solving this than I was last time we spoke on the phone. I pulled some old files, there's nothing in them that arouses any suspicions. His last contact was when he called in to say he was going off duty."

"I hear Shane is, um, especially skilled in fighting and self defense," Mick began, carefully skirting the issue of his superhuman abilities. "It wouldn't be easy to get the drop on him." Very difficult indeed, unless one knew exactly _how_ to do it. Which strongly narrowed down the possibilities to him either accidentally being killed or incapacitated in some freak happening, or to someone who knew what he was having a hand in his disappearance. None of them were comforting scenarios, and the last was, using Occam's razor, the most likely.

"I don't even know where to go from here," Greg admitted, rubbing fingers over his scalp in frustration. "I've been all over this county several times already. I've questioned almost everyone in town, and interviewed the only suspect I even remotely had. There's a missing person's report and an APB. I don't know what else to do."

"You said you interviewed the only suspect. Who was that?" Mick asked with interest.

"Ethan Adams," Greg admitted to Mick's wide eyed reaction of surprise.

"What's the story there?"

"I found out about it when I, uh, sort of tricked Sara into telling me what happened…"

. . .

Greg had watched Sara pace the office, her hands fidgeting nervously with her IPOD. Not surprisingly she'd been the first one to notice Shane missing. He'd had to admit that it was totally out of character and highly unlikely for Shane Alexander to just leave town without so much as a goodbye. Truthfully it was impossible to imagine him leaving without Sara. Not under his own steam. And had been what they were both afraid of.

"Is there anyone you can think of that he's had trouble with lately?" Greg had probed. "Anyone at all who might have a beef with him?"

Sara had averted her eyes then, even as she'd shaken her head no. He'd known she was holding something back.

"Sara," he'd continued in what he'd hoped was a reasonable voice. "You need to help me here. On an investigation the police work by _eliminating_ suspects, that way we can narrow it down and focus on the likely."

"Well, yeah, but look – I _know_ he wouldn't do anything to Shane."

"So tell me who it is, that way I can cross him off the list right away." He'd felt a momentary stab of guilt at lying to her, but he wanted to know who his suspect was. He had been stunned by her response, at first.

"My father.

"What happened?" Not that he hadn't had a clue what was probably coming.

"He knows about us, he found out when he walked in on us kissing, and he wasn't too happy at first. He sort of, uh, threatened to kill Shane – but he's over that now, he's really coming around." She'd looked at him with conviction, then. "He'd never touch Shane. Because if he did, he knows he'd never see me again."

"Thank you."

Be that as it may, Greg had still needed to talk to Ethan. He was the only suspect. So, an hour later he had found himself escorting Ethan into the station.

"We can talk in here." He'd led the way into the conference room, shutting the door. It was a conversation he wasn't looking forward to having, a delicate situation involving people he knew and was friends with. "Would you like some coffee?"

"No thanks, I'd rather know why you called me down here."

"You know Shane is missing."

"Yeah, I uh, I know. Sara's…" His voice had trailed off. "I already told you everything I know, when the last time I saw him was, all that stuff."

It had had to be done this way, he needed to see Ethan's reaction. "I heard you threatened to kill him."

Ethan had looked at Greg incredulously. "Are you telling me I'm a suspect in his disappearance?!"

Greg had looked away momentarily.

"Yeah, I threatened to blow his brains out," Ethan had admitted. "How would you feel, if you were in my place?"

Greg shied away from picturing Shane with his daughter Mara. It was an uncomfortable thought, even though she was a few years older than Sara. "Probably the way you are now. But I'd like to think I wouldn't resort to violence."

"Don't presume to know how I feel now. Shane's missing, and I look into Sara's eyes, and…" he'd paused, visibly choked up. "I remember how I felt when I lost Alisha. I wouldn't do that to my daughter."

"I believe you. And I'm sorry for asking you these questions, but the sheriff is missing and I intend to find out what happened to him."

"He has to be all right," Ethan had said then, and Greg had a feeling there were a great many people who shared that prayer…

. . .

"You believed him, then?" Mick asked when Greg finished filling him in on the events of the previous day.

"Yeah, I do. He wasn't involved in Shane's disappearance."

Mick trusted Greg's judgment, especially since he knew these people well. Still, he'd check the man out himself later if other avenues didn't pan out. "What about his truck, you still haven't found it?"

"Nope. How does a man just drop off the face of the earth?" Greg asked rhetorically.

"Do you know his approximate location at the time of his last call in?"

"Yeah, he said he was over on County Road 108, heading back into town. Presumably on his way home."

"Take me there." Maybe, if he was able to find the general location, his vamp senses would be able to tell him something about the circumstances. Something that would give them a clue to go on.

How could a vampire just drop off the face of the earth?

**XXX**

Shane:

I've heard about humans having occasional dreams where they know they're asleep but can't wake up. They'll try to force themselves to move, to yell, anything to wake up, but it's as if they are frozen. Some of them are living the nightmare, like the late Christopher Reeve, who was paralyzed from the neck down due to an accident. Then there are the horror accounts of anesthesia gone wrong, operations done on patients that are awake and aware of every cut of the scalpel, unable to do anything but lay there and suffer the unimaginable pain.

Even for a vampire, being paralyzed is not a pleasant experience. There's the feeling of helplessness, of vulnerability. The panic when you realize that nothing will move, your body won't obey your brain's commands. It's unsettling in the extreme. And it's what happens when we're staked through the heart.

I'd like to add one more thing, and that would be my personal humiliation at having someone – especially someone human – get the drop on me. I had quite a few hours to contemplate the situation, as I lay there in the dark in the back of the van. Normally I don't dwell on the past. Sometimes however, it's useful to go over your past mistakes and come up with strategy for the future.

It was a normal morning; I was on my way home from work. 'Daytime', but the cover of darkness still hung heavy over the Alaskan sky. When I saw the van parked haphazardly off to the side of the road, hood open, I pulled the Sheriff Dept. F-150 up behind it and got out to offer assistance. Have I been too distracted lately, or was there just no reason for anyone, not even _me_, to suspect anything? The guy who came out from around the front seemed relieved to see me. He told me about the engine trouble they were having and asked me to take a look; he thought it might be a dead battery and maybe I could give them a jump start. I questioned his use of the plural at about the same time I heard the back of the van open. Maybe there was a second of suspicion on my part, but it was already too late. He was explaining that he and his friend were on their way to make a delivery and gesturing behind me as he introduced his 'friend'. I turned around and wham – that's when his accomplice shoved the stake into my chest.

"You're the delivery," he told me as I lay on the road in shock.

The percentage of the human population that knows of the existence of vampires isn't extraordinarily huge; we try to keep it that way. The ones that know dangerous secrets, like how much of the popular folklore is just a load of crap and the real ways to kill or incapacitate us, is even smaller. Small enough to get our instant attention. These guys wanted to take me alive, and they knew how to do it. They also seemed to know that it was important not to show any nervousness or fear – I would have picked up on it. Their ability to remain calm and cool when capturing a vampire that they were nowhere near a match for was revoltingly admirable. If I had been them, I'd have been scared shitless – and with good reason. I consoled myself with the knowledge that they _would_ be, before it was over.

Lest you think they're friggin' geniuses, they made mistakes, too. The back of the van they chose was closed off to the front so the idiots couldn't see me. The luckiest one for me… I've never ran across a human who realized it (and many vamps don't either, it's the kind thing you usually learn by experience), yet to me it's pretty obvious. You don't have to be a doctor to know that everyone's internal organs are not in the exact same place. They can vary from the pretty pictures in the medical books quite a bit. Enough, in this case, so that he didn't get my heart dead center. He also miscalculated how deep to go.

Here's another overlooked concept: Evolution of species. Or adaptation to environment… and my personal favorite – or not – changes in DNA. Centuries ago the average lifespan of a human was vastly shorter than it is today. I'd think of more examples for you, but I've got a stake in my chest and I'm not feeling particularly scholarly. Humans change, evolve. Frankly though, I'm just as glad not too many people have realized that vampires are not all created equal. It's like having a secret weapon; they can never be too sure of you or sure what'll work and what won't. Keep 'em guessing and keep smiling.

As the hours and miles went by, I passed the time getting as much information as I could from listening in on the conversations in the front of the cab and working on making my recalcitrant arms and hands obey my brain so that I could pull the stake out of my body and get free.

I also worked very hard _not_ to think about Sara. As the day drew to a close I knew she'd be frantic wondering what had happened to me. The girl's been through so much lately, she didn't need this, now. If I focused on her enough I'd feel her pain and the idea of her hurting, well, it makes me a little crazy.

The conversation up front was fascinating but not totally illuminating. I did hear a name I haven't heard in decades. Fitzgerald. Apparently they were taking me somewhere for the purpose of getting information out of me, about Charles Fitzgerald. How they'd connected _me_ to that name I had no idea, but I was definitely ruing my decision in the 40's to take the same last name as Jay-Jay and do the brother thing. They wanted me alive, that much was obvious. I don't know how much info they had about the care and feeding of vampires, but I was just as glad that wasn't going to be an issue. I wasn't totally paralyzed and I _was_ going to get the stake out and turn the tables. In my mind, there was no alternative.

Patience. Focus. Determination. As the night became the morning again I ignored everything else but those things needed for my immediate situation. My captors only stopped for bathroom/gas/snack breaks, and took turns napping. They were obviously in a hurry to get wherever they were going. Since I had no idea how far that was, I tried to speed up my own laborious movements. Hand around the stake, pull it inch by agonizing inch toward the surface.

Another day, another how many miles? Or was it two days now? I was starting to lose track of time, and that wasn't good – but the realization did give me the impetus to renew my efforts at removing the stake. Desperation moves mountains.

Then, finally I reached that glorious moment when the sucking sound signaled an end to my captivity. Hurt like a mother when I wrenched it free, but by the time I got my equilibrium back, the wound had healed and I was almost good as new. Well, maybe not exactly new, but nothing a good pint of O negative wouldn't cure. I'd heard them talking about having to check on me, so when the van started slowing down I knew I didn't have much time to come up with a plan.

It's a funny thing about pain. When you heal as fast as we do, it becomes more bearable. Like humans, all vamps have their own pain tolerance threshold, but as a rule we aren't as afraid of it as humans. I've often wondered why that is, and no, in all these centuries I've never figured it out to my satisfaction. Maybe there's some primal instinct at work; survival being paramount and the presence of pain a signal to the brain that it's in danger. Since we don't have as much to fear from pain, we're better able to tolerate it. That's not to say we enjoy it (and no, this is not the time or place for a discussion of masochistic vamps). So it was with definite reluctance that I plunged the stake back into my body again – this time completely missing my heart so I wouldn't be paralyzed, but close enough so that they wouldn't notice any difference and would think I was still in the same position as before.

It wasn't long before the back door was opened, and they were leaning in, both peering at me almost comically stupidly. You know, like a couple of kids who see a wild animal lying unmoving and think it's a good idea to have themselves a real close look. So, you know, I've seen those old slapstick movies too, so I thought it was apropos to grab their heads in each of my hands and bring them together forcefully. They crumpled to the floor of the van, unconscious. I didn't see any little cartoon stars around their heads though. Pity.

**XXX**

"Tell me again, why you think finding the exact spot Shane was last heard from will help us find him?" Greg asked as Mick returned after making a quick circuit of the area.

"Well, I won't know till I find it, will I?" he improvised. He'd been hoping that he might be able to pick up something with his vamp senses, but so far all he'd gotten was frustrated. He couldn't even be sure where it had happened – whatever _it_ was.

"Uh, yeah, okay, that makes sense, I guess."

"I wonder if he has enemies," Mick mused, thinking maybe a call to Josef with the question was in order.

"You saw the S.D. files."

"I mean from before he moved here," Mick said carefully. He didn't know Shane's exact age, but in that many centuries a vamp could collect quite a few, if not careful.

At that moment, the radio in Greg's cruiser squawked to life. He went over to answer, and after a brief conversation with the dispatcher, came trotting back to Mick. "They found Shane's truck!" he announced. "Some kids came across it while playing, in an old abandoned barn."

"Let's go," Mick said, heading for the car. It was their first – and only lead.

**XXX**

Sara let herself into the house, shivering a little at its emptiness. Her family had wanted her to stay with them, but she'd finally had to get out. Her father was getting on her nerves, and even Aunt Pat was being unusually annoying. If she'd stayed another minute she'd have belted someone. Better to be here, where she felt closer to Shane.

Heading for the back, she keyed in the code for entry into the room he called his sanctuary. The front bedroom was for show, and for "entertaining." This was Shane's space. He didn't sleep in a freezer like the vampires in L.A., his whole room was set up with a powerful cooling unit, including a timer and remote control. He slept in the bed.

Sara stood there in the center of the room for a moment, not quite knowing what to do. Then she began a slow circuit of the room, soaking up the atmosphere. She absently re-arranged the flowers in the flower vase/bong she'd gotten him one Christmas that was on display on one of the shelves lining the wall. At some point he'd gotten new flowers, these were more lifelike and attractive than the ugly ones she'd gotten for a joke. It was pure Shane. There was a framed Kiss poster on the wall, but it wasn't the kind that could be bought, it was one of those announcements that used to be plastered up on every available lamp post and window in New York City to advertise coming shows at famous clubs like the Ritz. A framed Jerry Lee Lewis record album, signed by the legend himself in black magic marker held a place of prominence. There was a bottle of Jack Daniels and a glass on the nightstand; she poured herself some and sipped at it as she continued around the room, studying all the pieces of Shane's life that highlighted his favorite decades. There were a few other things scattered here and there, like the African mask on the wall and a Thor's hammer on a chain that hung from the dresser mirror that represented other times and places in his long life, but most of it was about the music.

Sara had the sudden urge to bring something of hers here, besides her clothes and other necessities, something to add to the décor. There hadn't been time for anything like that yet, it seemed something was always going on these days. She spent a lot of time there now, but usually they were pretty…occupied with other things besides interior decorating.

She ran a hand lovingly over his guitar, leaning against the wall in the corner. Considered putting it in its case, but wanted it where she could see it. Ever since Shane went missing she'd had an endless loop of his music playing in her ear, but now she put her IPOD aside and turned instead to the stereo. Kneeling on the bean bag chair in front of it, she flipped through the CD wallet looking for something to play. The chair was a glaring yellow, full of graffiti – some of it X-rated -- put there by the members of one of Shane's old bands. One disc caught her attention because it had nothing written on it to give away its contents. Curiosity piqued, she took it out and slipped it into the CD player. It would be something he didn't want to be heard because he hadn't labeled it. On the other hand, it wasn't totally secret because it was there in plain sight with the other CD's. If she had found it hidden in an underwear drawer or something, she wouldn't have touched it. This placement told her it was private – but fair game.

As the music started, Sara grabbed his shirt from where it lay on the bed and held it close. It was the one she'd taken off him, just the other day.

_She's got a smile that sparkles and eyes that dance, the smell of her skin suggests romance…when I see you there with your shoulders bare, turn me on sister Sara. She's my soul mate woman I've always felt…_

The first song got a thrilled smile out of her. She had no clue why the singer called his girl "sister" Sara, but it was very cute and apropos considering their past and how her parents had insisted in deluding themselves by thinking Shane was a 'big brother' figure for her.

_I looked for love wherever I could find it, was lost without a trace. I didn't see that love had already found me, till I saw your face. I feel so good whenever you're around me, oh darling, oh Sara, I don't know where I'd be without you…_

She curled into the chair and settled down to listen to the rest. With the second song, "Oh Sara," it was obvious this was his personal playlist, just like she had hers, songs that reminded her of him or their relationship. He'd had a copy of hers for a long time now, but the jerk had never shared his with _her_ though!

_Another restless night without you, secret feelings locked away. I close my eyes and think about you, memorize each word you say… emotions tear me apart; thoughts never spoken are here in my heart. Sara, oh I need you. Sara you take my breath away…_

Her smile faded with next songs, because she found herself overcome with emotion at the words to the songs he'd picked. The lyrics were so perfect Shane could have written them himself. How could a collection of songs by various artists feel so personal?

_Well I don't know why every time I touch you, you make my heart react. And when you go I never get enough of you, I have to face the fact that I never felt like this before, and I want you baby more and more. I've got you running through my veins and it's driving me insane…._

The singer poured his heart and soul out, his words of love and need, and it was obvious every one of these songs was chosen specifically. It was as if she was seeing inside of Shane's soul, it was the songs of their life. It was intimate and raw and she couldn't stop the tears that slid down her cheeks as she listened to the songs tell her how Shane felt. How he'd felt, those years of waiting.

_In the beat of your heart and the sound of your name, did you ever want someone to hold you does it still feel the same? I'm under your spell and you better not tell on me, in the heat of the night I don't care if it's right…_

It was all right there. The last three years of their relationship, everything they couldn't admit. And more. Confirmation of what she'd known deep inside but had to remain unspoken. More than he'd yet gotten around to saying to her. Putting to rest forever any doubts she might have had that it was more than just her imagination.

_There's a way you look that's so hard to forget you, there's a look in your eyes, you know I wanted you from the moment we met, and if you feel it too you ought to realize… that it's the right time, oh it's the wrong place to fall in love with me… the way you turn me on breaking every rule…_

"Ah ha!" Sara crowed aloud to the empty room, having also gotten an answer to a question he had refused to answer.

_Sara, why is this so hard to say when you already know?_

Good question. Maybe old habits die hard.

_I need you, baby, I need you so. Whenever you want me babe, I'll be there. Whenever you need me babe, I'll be there. No matter where you are, I'll be right by your side. I'd climb up the highest mountain for you, there's not a thing that I wouldn't do. I would go anywhere, if you need me girl, baby this I swear, oh I'll be there…_

Literally shaken from what she'd heard, Sara rose stiffly when the CD was finally over and crawled into the bed. He would be back. She knew he would, he'd promised he'd always be there and she knew Shane wouldn't break that promise. Still, she was so cold inside, felt like she'd never be warm. She recognized the feeling, it was the same one she'd had in L.A. when for that brief period of time her and Shane had been 'on the outs,' when she'd doubted her knowledge of him. This was much worse.

Sara slipped her earphones back on so she could continue to listen to his voice. It reassured her that everything would be fine. Surrounding herself with his voice and letting the image of him infuse her, she never heard the a/c unit kicking on to further drop the temperature. To drop it to a vampire's comfort level. Eventually she started feeling warmer again and fell into an exhausted sleep…

**XXX**

Greg did a search of the truck, finding no sign of struggle and nothing out of the ordinary.

"Dammit!" Mick exclaimed, earning a raised eyebrow from Greg. "We still have nothing!" He hadn't picked up much from the truck either, just the vague impression of the man who parked it there, and he'd never seen him before. Shane had to have been away from his truck when he was grabbed. And if Mick suddenly wanted to go and look through mug shots, how would he explain that?

"We've got more than we had," Greg encouraged. "Maybe there are some prints on the truck."

"If they were pros, they wouldn't leave any."

"Let's try to stay positive, shall we?"

"Greg—"Sadie's voice came over the police radio. "Are you there?" They didn't hold too much for formality in Resurrection.

"Yeah, what's up?" he asked as he reached through his open cruiser window and grabbed the mike.

"We got a call from Ethan. Sara's missing."

**XXX**

"Maybe she just needed to get away from everyone for awhile," Mick suggested as they were driving back into town. "Do you know where she might go?"

"Shane's," Greg stated the obvious, already heading in that direction. "She had some words with the family but she promised she'd be available, and I believe it because she wouldn't want to miss what might be an important call. She's not answering her cell. We'll try the house first."

**XXX**

Mick heard the heartbeat and breathing at the back of the house as soon as they entered. Too slow. Something was wrong. He had no idea what he'd find, but quick thinking and fifty some decades of hiding secrets had him suggesting that Greg check out back yard while he checked inside, just in case. The minute Greg was gone, he was headed in the direction of the sound, and upon seeing the coded access panel on the wall, instinct had his cell phone in his hand before he even reached the door.

"Yeah," Josef's voice answered immediately, devoid of its usual signature greetings.

"Tell me you know the code to the room at Shane's," he said urgently.

"1013," he answered. "Why, what's happen--"

Flipping closed the phone and entering the code, Mick rushed in when door opened. The cold hit him like a slap to the face. A nice feeling for him… not so good for the human girl on the bed. Without pause he grabbed her up in his arms and ran out of the house calling for Greg as he did so.

"Hypothermia, we've got to get her to the hospital," Mick explained tersely as the Deputy met him out front.

Greg jumped into the driver's seat of the cruiser while Mick got in back with Sara. As he pulled out with lights and sirens going, Mick assessed Sara's condition. Pale lips, blue. Pulse slow. Temp… she was maybe 89? That was in the moderate hypothermia range.

Mick shrugged out of his coat and draped that over her, wishing he had some blankets as well. His cell phone rang, but he ignored it for more pressing concerns not wanting to take his eyes or attention off of her for a moment. He monitored her breathing and heartbeat with his acute senses for any sign of dangerous change.

"C'mon Sara, hang on. You gotta be okay." She mumbled a reply, but even he couldn't make it out. Confusion and slurred speech were common symptoms.

The specter of an impossible decision loomed before the vampire. What if Sara's vitals started slipping further… if she was dying? What would he do if it came to that? His code of morals prevented him from turning anyone without their permission and he had no idea how she felt about the topic or if she'd ever discussed it with Shane. If he came home to find her gone… he'd be devastated. As far as Mick knew Shane didn't have the same attitudes the ones he himself grappled with, the older vamp was comfortable with what he was. Would he want Mick to turn her if it came to that? And then, if he _did_ turn her, and they found out Shane was dead… it would be devastating for _her_. Wake up to find out you were immortal but the man you loved was gone forever?

Mick realized the decision was so much harder now that he'd accepted himself and what he was. Before it would have been no, never, not even _with_ consent. 'Letting' people die was doing them a favor he could feel good about it; like he'd done the right thing. It was much more complicated now. Much easier to live in a black and white world; this one he inhabited now with its hues and colors and shades of gray required a whole new level of responsibility he didn't want to have over others' lives. Was this what it would be like from now on, watching humans die and having to battling himself every time?

He tightened his hold on Sara, pulling her closer against him. "Hang on sweetheart. For Shane. Hang on for Shane."

**XXX**

The mood in the waiting room was tense. Ethan sat on one of the ugly, uncomfortable chairs with his head in his hands, Pat beside him trying to offer encouragement.

"What the hell happened?!" Ethan demanded with the confusion of a worried father.

"We don't really know yet," Mick explained. His excuse to everyone, in lieu of telling them he'd found her in a vampire's freezer room, was that she'd been outside, unconscious. "Maybe she fell, hit her head or something."

"She's tough, she'll be okay," Greg assured him.

"He's right," Mick agreed. "It wouldn't have been good if I hadn't found her when I did, but we got to her here in plenty of time. Once her core temp comes back up she'll be fine."

Ethan looked up to give Mick a "who the hell are you" gaze.

"I was a…" _Medic during the battle of the bulge._ "I have some paramedic training," he settled for. When everyone went back to their silent waiting, Mick excused himself. "I just have to uh, use the john…" he told them, and headed off down the hallway.

Once out of sight, Mick detoured instead to the room Sara was in. He already knew she was going to be fine, and the doctor was on his way to tell the family now. Before that happened, he needed to compare notes with her on their alibi, and ask her a few questions of his own…

**XXX**

"Do you have my IPOD and my cell phone?" was the first thing Sara said to Mick when he appeared at her bedside.

"You _are_ pretty tough, aren't you?" he said with a relieved grin as he pulled the items out of his coat pocket and handed them to her.

"I feel so stupid," she admitted, clutching her IPOD tightly as she checked her phone for messages.

"What happened, Sara?" Mick asked. "I found you in the bed; the a/c was too low for a human."

"You don't think I—"she began incredulously. "I didn't do it on purpose! I've been feeling cold ever since… I just was listening to music and then I fell asleep. I didn't realize the a/c was on."

"Okay," Mick conceded. "Have you told the doctors anything about how it happened?"

"Oh yeah, I told them I fell asleep in my vampire lover's freezer and forgot to turn up the temp," she snapped crossly.

"We need to get our stories straight," he told her with deliberate patience. "It's cold enough here even though it's late spring, prolonged exposure could cause hypothermia. I told them I found you outside the house, unconscious. Maybe you fainted. Lack of food? Low blood sugar?"

"Got it. I was walking outside the house, felt dizzy, then bam – next thing I know I'm waking up here. Haven't eaten all day."

"A talented liar is a good trait for a vamp to have in a girlfriend," Mick teasingly complimented. Then he sobered. "By the way, I guess all the vampires in your life should probably know now, if anything should ever happen, anything life threatening, and Shane isn't there…"

"You'd best turn me if that ever happens, because if you don't Shane will kill you." And it was said in a matter-of-fact, definite tone that would have given him a chill if he was able to feel such things.

**XXX**

When his cell rang Mick excused himself and went into the hallway for privacy.

"If you don't tell me what's going on there right now, I'm going to reach through this phone and rip out your undead heart," was Josef's growl when Mick finally answered his cell.

Mick slumped against the wall. "Everything's okay."

"And you couldn't answer your phone to tell me this before, because?" the words were spoken calmly enough, but the words were dangerous, even to a friend.

"I'm sorry, but I was busy saving Sara's life."

There was momentary silence over the line. "She's okay?" And he'd ever heard Josef's voice sound so naked.

Mick rubbed hand over eyes. "Yeah, she's already arguing with the doctors to let her go. She had a little…accident with that freezer room Shane's got. "

"Ah, fuck."

"Yeah," Mick agreed, thinking again of the rough night he'd had. Why was it every time he came to Alaska he was faced with turning issues?

"We're just leaving the airport for Resurrection now. No word on Shane yet?" Josef continued.

The scream was ear splitting, and Mick actually dropped the phone. Everyone ran toward the sound just as Sara came running out of the room in a hospital gown and huge smile. "Shane's coming home!"

**XXX**

Mick peeked through the blinds from his vantage point inside the Sheriff's department. It seemed like everyone in town was milling about on the street near the office, waiting for their favorite lawman to return. His disappearance had worried them all, so when word had gotten out that he was arriving shortly, apparently they'd decided to take up a vigil. Shane hadn't given any details, just said that he'd had some trouble with a couple of guys but he'd turned the tables on them and was on his way back.

Sara, who now had her ear glued to the cell phone instead of the IPOD, turned to the others. "He just pulled into town," she announced.

Those inside filed out into the cool Alaskan air to wait with the rest. Greg scanned the crowd, perhaps thinking he needed to do crowd control so that there wasn't any riot.

A few minutes later the van pulled up to the curb and Shane got out, glancing around with a slightly bemused expression as the crowd cheered his arrival. Then he had an armful of Sara, and he was picking her up and they were kissing enthusiastically, uncaring of the audience, some of whom had now started whistles and cat calls.

"Welcome back," Greg greeted with a huge smile when the couple had broken for air.

"Sorry it took so long. There's a couple of idiots tied up in the back of the van," he told Greg. "Throw 'em in lock up. And uh, I think they're doing drugs so just ignore anything weird they might say. We'll give 'em a chance to come down before we interrogate them."

"You got it." Greg slapped him on back and started for van, stopping when a sedan pulled up in front of it.

Josef and another man got out, his tense face visibly relaxing when he saw Shane.

Then he saw Mick and his look abruptly turned murderous. "I should kill you!" Josef lunged for Mick, who took a step back with hands up in a placating gesture.

Shane reached out a long arm and grabbed Josef with one hand, Sara still wrapped in the other. "Whoa! What's going on here?"

"I'm sorry!" Mick said hastily. "I already told you, uh, why I couldn't call you right back," he censored his words as Shane didn't know what had happened yet and he didn't want him finding out in quite that way.

Josef glanced at Sara and the fight seemed to go out of him to be replaced with guilt. "No," he said. "I'm the one who's sorry," he told Sara imploringly. "I should have been here."

"You weren't here because you let me use your plane," Mick reasoned, trying to appease the mood that had now turned self castigating.

"It's okay," Sara put in. "Everything is okay."

"If Shane's not there I'm supposed to look after her," Josef insisted as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Huh?" Shane said, as they all looked on in confusion.

"Instead I was off fucking some fly boy!" Josef yelled.

There was a combination of awkward and speechless silence among those assembled on the sidewalk following his outburst. Shane glanced at the stranger that had arrived with Josef, who was shifting on his feet in a nervous gesture and shooting the Sheriff uneasy looks.

Finally Shane broke the silence. He smacked his own head with a hand in exasperation. "He's losin' it again," he muttered. "Get a fucking grip! Or I'm gonna start calling you Mick St. John."

"Hey, I resemble that remark!" Mick added jokingly, uncomfortable with his friend's very uncharacteristic outbursts and willing to help provide a lighthearted diversion, even at his own expense.

"It's not so bad," Shane told Mick, obviously on the same page and purposely keeping the banter light. "We're writing a song for you and your guilt. The MSJ Shuffle."

Josef turned in a circle, looking at everyone and seemingly not knowing what to do or say next. His eyes landed on Shane and Sara and lingered there. "I…need to take a walk," he announced suddenly.

Shane grabbed his arm when he started past.

"I'll be okay," Josef assured. "I just need some time alone."

"And then you're gonna tell me what the hell's going on? The truth this time?"

Josef nodded. "I promise. I'll tell you about it soon. Not _now_," he said with a meaningful glance at Sara. Then he started walking down the road heading out of town, and into the Alaskan wilderness.

**XXX**

The others milled about in his wake for a confused moment. Unexpectedly, the newcomer was the first to speak up. "Well, I'll just, uh, maybe there's a diner around here somewhere?" he said, gaze darting around the street. "I could go get something to eat."

"I take it you're the fly boy," Shane said, looking him up and down, his expression showing a bit of amusement when the man took a nervous step away. He was obviously making the guy very uncomfortable.

"I'm gonna go see if I can find one," Eric decided hastily. "I'm sure there's a diner around here…"

"Around the corner, on forth," Greg took pity on him by telling him, pointing the way.

With another nervous glance at Shane, Eric hurried down the street.

"What the fuck?!" Shane exclaimed. "I'm gone a few days and I come back and all hell's breaking loose?!"

"Pretty much, yeah," Mick confirmed.

"Well, I'm glad I didn't miss all the fun while I was gone," was his comeback.

"I'll get the prisoners," Greg spoke up, trying to get the subject back to business at hand and heading for the van once again.

Shane nodded. "Give me about an hour." He looked at Mick, including him. "We can have a chat with them, then."

**XXX**

Shane and Sara retreated to his office. They sat together on the couch, content not to talk much, but just soak up each other's presence. She was wrapped in his Sheriff's department issue jacket and his arms.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," he told her, not for the first time.

"I've had better days," she admitted. "But I knew you'd be back okay."

"You knew?" he asked curiously.

"I have faith in you."

_What the fuck do I say to that?_ he thought, moved beyond words. He settled on kissing her. As a distraction, it was always a winner.

When his own words finally came, Shane found he didn't want to keep them to himself no matter how maudlin they might sound. "In almost a thousand years I've never come across a woman I felt was worthy to stand at my side through the centuries. Until now. If I was the vampire King, you'd be my Queen," he added, turning it into a joke.

"Is there such a thing?" Sara asked, eyes wide, smiling.

Shane laughed. "No."

"Well, darn. I look really good in a tiara."

They both laughed.

"Maybe not a queen," Shane decided, "maybe Freya, the Norse Goddess of love. When I was dying, before I was turned, I wondered if the God Odin would call me to him in Valhalla. I forgot, half of all Vikings go to Freya in Folkvang."

_What the fuck am I suppose to say to that?_ Sara thought, now speechless herself. "No pressure there," she finally managed.

"I wouldn't worry. All you have to do is be yourself."

Apparently they were having a contest to see who could one up the other with mushy, embarrassing sentiments that caused speechlessness. Sara added them up in her head, realizing that Shane was definitely ahead, three to one by her calculations. She decided to bring out the big guns.

"By the way, I love your playlist." She'd already listened to it enough that it was committed to memory.

"My—"

"The one in the CD wallet, without any writing on it," she further explained, enjoying his discomfort.

"Uh yeah, I uh…"

"It's amazing," she said in a voice gone soft.

"I made it while you were off at college," he admitted, deciding to go for brutal honesty.

The reaction he got, however, wasn't one he'd meant to cause. "Fuck!" Her hand went to her mouth, tears springing to her eyes as realization dawned. "No…" she whispered.

"Hey, it's okay," he assured, making light of it. "It's in the past, doesn't matter now."

Undeterred, Sara rose to her knees on the cushion beside him, arms going around his neck. "I never would have left if I'd known," she insisted. "I wouldn't hurt you like that."

"Ah, God, baby…" he murmured, his hands tangling in her hair as his lips took hers. There was nothing to do now but kiss, no words left to say. "Oh Sara…"

She loved the way he said her name, as if it was the most important word in his world. "I love you," she whispered in between their kisses.

Shane gradually became aware of something else trying to make itself known through the haze of love and desire between them. It filtered into his consciousness, glaringly out of place and unpleasant. When it finally registered, it was like a bucket of ice water on his ardor. He pulled back from the embrace to look at her.

Why was the smell of Hospital clinging to Sara?

Alarmed, but making sure not to show it, he did a clandestine scan of her vitals. To his relief, everything seemed normal.

"What?" she said, wondering why he'd stopped.

Shane didn't want to bring up any topics that might upset her further tonight, so he decided that conversation could wait. He did intend, however, to find out what happened. Immediately.

Shane sighed, resting his forehead against hers. "I got some work to do," he explained apologetically.

"It's okay," Sara assured him. "I'll wait here."

"I'll be as quick as I can. Why don't you lie down and get some rest? I bet you haven't gotten much sleep in the last few days."

"On one condition," she said.

"What?" he asked quizzically.

"Tell me the reason I need to get some rest is because I'm gonna _need_ it later," she answered suggestively.

He grinned. "Count on it, babe."

**XXX**

When Shane came out of his office and immediately grabbed Mick to pull him aside, the PI had a feeling he knew why.

"What happened to Sara?" Shane asked without preamble.

Mick sighed. It wasn't news he wanted to be the one to break, but decided the best way was short and to the point. That seemed to be the way Shane would prefer it. He'd probably feel the same, if it was him, asking about Beth. "I found her in your room at the house," he began as gently as he could, knowing the reaction wasn't going to be good. "She'd accidentally fallen asleep and didn't realize the freezer unit was on. She had a touch of hypothermia, but she's fine now," he stressed to Shane's troubled expression.

Shane said nothing for a long moment, just looked at Mick. It was starting to unnerve him, when the older vamp finally spoke. "I owe you. If you _ever_ need anything, you got it."

Mick nodded in silent understanding.

Then Shane went outside to the back of the building and punched the wall as hard as he could, knowing as the pain blossomed in his broken hand that he'd be doing the same to the access panel at home later. He'd never use it again.

**XXX**

"We gotta talk," Shane said, perching on the corner of Greg's desk later. They were the only ones in the room, Sara was sleeping in his office and Mick had gone to get some liquid dinner.

"Yeah, I figure we're overdue for one of those," Greg responded, leaning back in his chair to regard his boss and friend.

"I'm resigning from my post as Sheriff," he began. "I have a feeling that won't be a total surprise to you, you know how I feel about the music and now I have a chance to go back to the life I love most. It's almost time for me to be moving on, anyway."

"The town's going to miss you," Greg said, nodding toward the window. "We all will," he added.

"But they'll have you," Shane told him. "You'll make a hell of a Sheriff. There are some important things you need to know first though. Things about some of the residents you'll be dealing with. Things about me."

Greg nodded. "Can't say that's a surprise. Lots of…odd things that maybe when taken on their own are meaningless, but when you add them up…"

Shane smiled slightly. "Yeah, I figured as much. I'm gonna come right out and say it, 'cause I'm not one to beat around the bush."

"I appreciate that."

"I'm a vampire."

Greg's expression said that the revelation had stunned him. He opened his mouth once as if to say something, and then closed it. Finally he said, "Okay, obviously you don't mean the Bella Lugosi kind."

"I think it's safe to say a lot of the stuff you've heard is BS. We're not monsters or soul-less killers. Call us… a different species, if you will. We do subsist on blood though, and we don't age."

"You're a thousand?!" Greg blurted in amazement.

"How the hell do you know that?!" Shane countered in consternation. Technically he was 1032, but he prefered to just round off so he didn't bother mentioning that.

"Remember that night awhile back, when I found you down at the Last Resort drunk as a skunk? You told me you were a thousand going on eighteen. I thought it was an odd expression at the time, so it stuck in my head."

Shane had to shake his head, impressed despite himself. "I always knew you were sharp. Listen, my age is kind of a touchy subject with me. I don't even share it with others of my kind."

Greg nodded, acknowledging the secret. "Like Mick and Josef?" he said, putting more pieces together.

"You realize this is highly sensitive information; we give out on a need-to-know basis. There's no going back, once you know."

"I understand. I think," he added. "Actually, I'm not sure. This is…"

"A lot to digest, I know."

"If it was anybody else I'd think they were crazy. But I've known you too long for that."

"There's a lot to talk about, but I'll give you a chance to get used to the idea first. I just wanted you to know that you won't have to deal with our special residents on your own, there are a couple of people in town who can give you a hand." Shane was thinking the new area blood supplier, Guillermo, was a good choice for part time deputy. He might be reluctant, but Shane was confident that Josef would make him yet another offer he couldn't refuse. "Plus they know if they give you any trouble they'll have to answer to me."

"Are they generally that much trouble?" Greg inquired, probably starting to wonder what he was getting himself into.

"No, not at all. But as a human – you're automatically outmatched. Don't worry," he added to Greg's furrowed brows. "It's not as bad as it sounds."

"I think I need a stiff drink and about eight hours sleep," Greg decided.

"Take off," Shane told him. "I'll finish up here." As Shane got up from the desk, Greg stopped him with another question.

"Does Sara know?"

"I hope you know me well enough to know the answer to that."

"I do. Just had to ask anyway."

Shane nodded in acknowledgement and then headed out front to meet Mick, who'd just arrived with 'dinner.' It was always best to tackle an interrogation of humans well fed.

**XXX**

Shane and Mick joined the prisoners in the interrogation room ten minutes later.

"Okay gentleman, let's have a chat, shall we?" Shane said, closing the door behind them.

The two men looked nervous and no doubt rather surprised to find themselves in a jail and not a vamp meal – although the more anxious of the two, a man named Tate, did have a bandage on his wrist.

Tate shrank back from them when they took seats across from the prisoners, a fact which didn't escape Shane's notice.

"No thanks," he said with a smirk. "I'm full. But thanks for offering."

"What are we doing here?!" the one named Phil demanded.

"You look like a man who thinks he's intelligent, I'm sure you can figure it out. I want to know who sent you and why you thought it was smart to try and kidnap a vampire."

Phil's eyes widened, and Shane correctly interpreted his surprised that the V word had been used so openly.

"Oh, by the way, this is a small town," the Sheriff explained. We don't have any fancy gizmos, oh like camera or recording devices for our interrogations. We do it the old fashioned way here."

"In other words," Mick smiled, showing fangs, "nobody's watching us." The threat was clear, even if it was delivered in a friendly voice.

"John Whitley hired us!" Tate blurted.

"Shut up, you asshole!" Phil barked at him.

Tate immediately fell silent, for the moment more intimidated by his partner than the vampires. That of course was easily rectified.

Shane got up and moved to the other side of the table, putting an arm around Tate's shoulder, leaning in close. The human tried to move away, but he was held in place. "Oh, come on now," Shane said about his obvious desire to put space between them. "It wasn't that bad. In fact you liked it, didn't you? That's the problem. How the hell does John Whitley know me?" he said into Tate's ear.

That was when the flood gates opened. "He hired Phil to go to the funeral. Whitley heard his granddaughter had died; he wanted to make contact with his only family again before he died too. Phil took pictures, and Whitley flipped out when he saw Charles Fitzgerald in them. When he couldn't find the guy anywhere, he told us to bring you to him, hoping you'd tell us where Fitzgerald is."

"What does he want with Fitzgerald?"

"Revenge," Mick guessed.

Phil spoke up then, apparently figuring he might as well since the story was coming out. "He said Charles Fitzgerald is a monster and had killed his daughter."

Shane's hand was a blur as it shot out, closing around Phil's throat. "Charles Fitzgerald is _not_ a monster, you got that?" he growled. "Human's like you are the evil ones."

Mick put a tentative hand on Shane's shoulder, not knowing how the interference would be received. To his relief, Shane subsided, letting go of the man and sitting back down.

"I'd watch how I talked about his brother and my best friend," Mick warned. "Next time I won't try to stop him, I'll help him."

"Okay, let's make a deal," Phil said hoarsely, still rubbing his neck. "You let us go and we'll keep your secret."

"Oh yeah, well, I'll have to think about it," Shane lied. "I'll tell you what, I'll give you my answer in the morning."

Without another word, he got up and left, Mick following him out.

**XXX**

"What are you going to do?" Mick asked when they'd left the interrogation room.

"Jay-Jay and I are gonna pay John Whitley a little visit."

"No, I mean about them," Mick hooked a thumb towards the room they'd just left.

"Call the cleaners."

In the morning, two women dressed all in black would arrive at the Sherriff's department to collect the prisoners. It would seem they were wanted on federal charges. No record of Phil or Tate ever having been in Resurrection existed, and they would never be heard from again.

**XXX**

The following night, everyone gathered at The Last Resort for some down time. The lights were low, the booze was flowing; Shane was sitting on the stage doing an impromptu one man show, guitar in hand and Sara next to him. Mick and Josef sat at the table closest to the stage. It was time to celebrate their relief for a good outcome to a tense few days.

Shane began to sing, his earthy, emotive voice weaving the words to a powerful song that resonated as apropos for a vampire somehow. Mick glanced at Josef. One finger tapped the table top along to the beat, his head nodding slightly as well. He had that little snarky/ironic smile on his face as if he found something in the words amusing, but the look in his eyes – that was another thing entirely. It was a look Mick had never seen on Josef before. The feelings it revealed were surprising, and almost tangible.

To Mick's further astonishment, Josef's voice joined in on the chorus, blending with Shane's amazingly well.

"Please take the demon from my head, won't you please erase the memories of the ghosts who haunt my bed…"

Shane's eyes showed a moment of surprise at the accompaniment, then pleasure as they met Josef's.

"I just want you to understand, I'm gonna be the only man to ever touch your soul. I ain't never letting go…."

Like dominos falling or a circuit tripping, Mick suddenly saw everything with new eyes. What he saw took his breath away.

As he watched them sing together, Mick swore he could almost _see_ four hundred years of history there in the space between them. A history he couldn't even guess at, in a number of centuries that he knew he couldn't yet imagine at his young age. Is that what Coraline had wanted for them, even as she destroyed the possibility? Was it how he and Beth were going to look at each other four centuries from now? It was weird watching this, knowing he was the only one seeing it; everyone else just saw a singer with his girlfriend at his side, his brother singing along. Mick glanced at Sara, wondering how such a strange and complicated situation worked itself out. Would he find out first hand someday, or would he and Beth be lucky enough to _be_ enough for each other forever? Somehow, it had never seemed like such a long time before.

Mick watched, mesmerized by the scene. If Josef knew what his face was revealing, he'd never allow it. Seeing his best friend in this whole new light was illuminating, it gave him insights into the complexity of the man he thought he'd known. Mick wanted to reach out, to touch his shoulder. Let him know about the profound happiness that had welled up inside at the knowledge that his closest friend had someone who made him look like that. It wasn't something he could do though, not now. It would mortify the reserved vamp. Maybe someday.

It was one moment, just a fleeting second when Mick felt thirty again and saw a twenty five year old young man in front of him, frozen in time. Vampires mature but maybe there's that core somewhere deep inside that remains forever their mortal age. In that instant, he met Jay-Jay.

_We're sad, and beautiful creatures too. We just try to do the best we can to make sense of it all. Beth is right: we live and laugh, love and hurt. We have souls, too. I know that know. I saw it with my own eyes. In Josef's._

**XXX**

The moment was over; Shane had gone into a more upbeat song and Josef turned his attention back to his drink. It was like the universe snapped back into Real Time again. Mick regarded him thoughtfully.

"You really _do_ have a good voice," Mick told his friend.

"Thank you. Of course I can't think of anything I'm not good at," he said, and managed to make it sound humble somehow.

Mick glanced at Shane again, then back to Josef. "I wouldn't have taken you for each other's type," he admitted. Physically, and personality-wise, they seemed very different creatures. Yet somehow, they fit.

Josef's eyes found Shane again. "He's my sire."

That said it all, and yet Mick sensed there was more, much more. His thoughts returned to his own sire. "You're lucky," he told Josef.

"Yeah, I am."

"This is a side of you I've never seen before," Mick ventured since Josef seemed to be in a rare open mood.

"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain," Josef quipped, quoting the Wizard of Oz. The words were remarkably reminiscent of the thoughts Mick had been having. So much said there; questions asked and answered.

Mick raised his glass in toast, eyes sparkling in amusement. "To the great and powerful Konstantin."

"Well, that part's true."

Shane came over to stand behind Josef's chair, resting hands on his shoulders. Josef leaned his head back into the vamp's chest to look up at him, and Mick had two simultaneous thoughts: it was a cute sight and he'd better not ever voice that opinion aloud.

"He's got delusions of grandeur," Mick told Shane instead.

"Yep," Shane responded mildly. He gave the shoulders under his hands a squeeze. "You ready to go, Emperor?" The three of them, Josef, Shane, and Sara, were heading off on a road trip, Shane having announced that they needed to get the heck out of Dodge for awhile.

Josef downed the last of his drink and rose with a grin. "Well, off to Oz."

"Somewhere over the rainbow," Shane quipped, and Mick had the feeling he'd heard every word of their conversation.

And maybe, the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

.

**The end**

1/24/09

**Notes**: I've also got a slideshow on UTube that goes with the story, for anyone who's interested in checking it out and actually hearing the song Shane and Josef sing (hmm...and to see what Shane looks like, too). It's very powerful. My name there is mscatmoon too. If you think you might be interested better check it out asap because I probably won't be leaving it up for too long.

In Norse mythology, **Freya** is a goddess of love, sex, battle and pleasure, and the most beautiful and propitious of the goddesses and was called upon in matters of love. She loves music, spring and flowers, and is particularly fond of the elves (fairies). Freyja had unusual parity with Odin, for they divided the heroic dead amongst themselves. Half went to live eternally in Odin's hall, and half in Freyja's hall Sessrumnir- and the goddess got first pick. Freya is viewed as a force for good in the world – protector of the weak, healer, granter of magic and source of love and peace. She listens to the prayers of men and women seeking love and helps them when she can.


	4. Prince Charming

**Important note**: I have now added all the "suppliment" stories to the series, under the title: Portrait of Eternity." They explain in detail the events surrounding Josef and Shane's complicated relationship. From here on out, the series will contain elements of a M/M/F relationship and some slash as well as the usual Mick/Beth and Shane/Sara. _If you don't like that kind of thing, stop reading now_. I write with muses, and they dictate the direction of my stories, not me. I decided to continue posting this series here because there are a lot of exciting things happening to Beth, Mick, Josef, Shane, and Sara in the future and I didn't want to just abandon any readers who might be interested. If it turns out to be the case that no one is interested any longer, I'll stop posting them here. For those who cannot deal with slash or m/m/f and intend to stop reading now, if you request it I will be happy to provide you with a summary of how the story eventually ends so that you can have closure. And thank you for reading and for all the wonderful reviews.

**WARNING**: For Josef/Sarah Whitley fans. I regret to inform you that there will be no fairytale happy ending here. I _strongely_ advise you to stop reading now. There are several Josef/Sarah stories around, I would seek them out instead. You have been warned, so if you proceed you do so at your own risk and take full responsibility (in other words, if you send mean reviews I won't shed a tear because I warned you not to read it). As stated above, if you're interested in how the series ends I'll be glad to tell you. This _wasn't_ the direction I originally intended things to go in. This story/chapter changed directions several times (and it shows) before I eventually had to do what the muses insisted.

.

**Prince Charming**

.

_"Love can show you a part of yourself you never knew existed."_

_"Or a part that you thought you lost forever."_

_"Then this happened. I guess the universe had a different plan for me. I guess who I am is who I'm supposed to be."_

Mick & Josef, Sleeping Beauty

.

The old man sat in his chair, canister of oxygen at his side. It was late at night, but when you're ninety three and going to be dying soon, sleep seemed like a waste of precious time. He was troubled. He hadn't heard from the men he'd hired, and now he feared it would be too late for him to see his one last duty fulfilled.

"I hear you've been looking for me."

The voice startled Whitley; he hadn't heard anyone enter. He looked up and his eyes widened at the sight in front of him. Even though he knew what the man was, it was still a shock to see a 20something man standing in front of him not looking a day older than he had in 1955. "Charles Fitzgerald!"

"I was, once," he acknowledged with a slight nod. "A long time ago."

Fear had him grabbing for his face mask to assist with breathing, but with the knowledge that his plan hadn't worked, he knew he had nothing to lose by speaking his mind. "You killed my daughter, you monster!"

"No. He loved your daughter, and she loved him," a new voice spoke, as two others stepped out of the shadows.

It was the blond vampire he'd seen in the photos from the funeral, and… "What are you doing with my great-granddaughter?!" he demanded.

"She's where she chooses to be," Shane answered.

"You've seduced another innocent young girl, you mean! Why my family? Why is it we're cursed like this?"

"They're not monsters," Sara told him. "And it's not a curse, it's a blessing to know these two special men. Vampires. I came here because I wanted to meet you."

"I loved Sarah," Josef explained. "What happened to her was an accident. I never intended to hurt her."

When the old man reached down beside his chair, Shane was there in a flash, hand covering his. "Whoa, there."

It was just an old, worn book he'd retrieved. "It's all here," Whitley explained. "The truth."

Shane took it and flipped through it, shooting Josef a glance. "It's her diary."

The implications of that were clear. If old man Whitley was privy to his daughter's personal thoughts and feelings in her own words and still felt no understanding of the circumstances, still believed Josef was a monster who had taken advantage of his daughter, nothing they could say would change his mind. There wasn't much _to_ say, at this point. The man was old, set in his ways. Even telling him Sarah wasn't dead and might be waking up soon… it wouldn't be a kindness. Mercy sometimes comes in strange packages.

"Did you tell anyone else about this besides those goons you hired?" Josef asked. "Show anyone the diary?"

"Who would believe me," Whitley spat. "They'd think I was just a senile old man. You're not fooling me though."

"I'm sorry you feel like that," Shane told him, crouching down to his level. "It must be a terrible way to live, with such raw hatred eating up your insides every waking hour. Your heart isn't good, is it? I can hear it faltering. Your lungs struggling to fill with air just so you can exist in your place of blackness for another day. Aren't you tired of feeling that kind of pain?"

Whitley just looked at him, beginning to be pulled into the spell of words the vampire wove.

"You know what has to happen now," Shane told him gently. And he did, the resignation was on his face. "It will be a relief, to finally be free of the burdens you've carried alone all this time. Are you a religious man, Mr. Whitley?"

The man nodded slightly.

"Then you might want to ask your savior to forgive your sins, and welcome you home to his arms. Would you like me to pray with you?" he asked kindly.

"Yes," the man whispered.

Shane put a compassionate hand on the old man's shoulder. "Pray with me, John. Dear Heavenly Father, forgive John Whitley for his sins and welcome him into your kingdom where he can live for eternity, free from the heavy bonds of mortality. Wash away the black hatred in his heart with your loving light. He's ready to join the loved ones that are waiting for him on the other side. In Jesus name we pray, Amen."

A single tear slid down Whitley's cheek. "Amen," he echoed.

With a single, slight nod from Shane, Josef gently turned Sara around so that they were both facing away from the scene, left to scrutinize the painting on the wall in front of them while Shane turned off the life giving oxygen. A hand over the face and nose cut off that air as well, and he waited, listening, until the weakened heart stopped beating altogether.

XXX

_They say the journey is more important than the destination, but sometimes the end of the road can turn out to be a crossroads; not an end, but an opportunity to make choices for a new beginning. They also say that plans are made to be changed. Whoever came up with **that** one was a friggin' genius._

"Call me as soon as you know something," Sara told Shane as she watched him get ready to leave the hotel room.

"Absolutely," he promised. Shane was on his way to meet Josef at the townhouse, where he'd be on hand during the turning of Sarah Whitley, in case he was needed.

"Wish I could be there, you guys might need the support." She wasn't totally happy with having to sit this one out at the Plaza.

"Thanks, babe, but you know it's not possible. A new turn has like zero control, it's too dangerous for you to be in the house."

"I know – you could turn me now too, Aunt Sarah and I could be newbies together, it'd be fun."

"Fun for the two of you maybe – probably drive _us_ round the bend," he said with a laugh and a shake of his head. "Besides, I don't think you want to miss the tour, do you?"

"Hell, no!"

"There you are, then." He glanced at his watch. "Gotta go." He drew her into his arms for a goodbye hug and kiss.

"Good luck," she told him when they parted.

"I'll pass that sentiment on to the one who needs it."

XXX

"Are you losin' it again?!" Shane paced the room in agitation. "There's so much wrong with your idea, I can't even begin to tell you! And even if you could pull it all off, you don't even know if it'll work!"

Josef leaned against the bar in affected nonchalance, face remaining impassive despite Shane's reaction. "Don't I owe Sarah a chance at a normal life?"

"Do you hear yourself?" Shane asked. "You want to go find Cynthia – because you _suspect_ she helped Coraline with that vampirism cure of hers. How you expect to convince her to help you, I have no idea. Why you'd trust her even if you could is beyond me. And this is of course supposing that the cure doesn't involve actually killing the donor, I hope?"

"Mick's been known to be wrong," Josef pointed out. "And we know there's more to the cure than just that, Max drained me and it didn't turn him human."

"No, just put him off his feed for a few days," Shane snorted in amused remembrance.

"It's my fault," Josef said quietly. "I'm just trying to fix it."

Shane walked over to Josef and took his face in his hands. "Listen to me," he implored. "Guilt makes for bad insight. If this was a business deal, you'd never make a risky move like that. And you don't even know if Whitley might _want_ to be a vampire. Then you'd have to turn her anyway." He released Josef, regarding him questioningly.

"Remember when we were both living here in New York as the Fitzgerald brothers? We got on each other's nerves as usual, had a big fight, and you left." He paused. "I met Sarah after that."

"Fuck," Shane exclaimed, turning away. "Why are you telling me this?"

Josef smiled slightly, despite the topic. "It's part of my new honesty plan."

"You're hanging around Mick too much," Shane decided.

"Do you think four hundred year old people can change?"

"Funny thing about change – I believe we can all do it, but most of us don't. Guess it depends on how much we want to, and what pay off we're getting for being the way we are."

"I remember all those nights we spent in the early days while you were teaching me the ropes, you always had some sort of wisdom for every occasion."

"Yeah, too bad it all went in one ear and out the other," Shane teased, then sobered, running a frustrated hand through his long hair. When he spoke again his voice was resigned and quiet. "Okay, look. Give it a chance. If she really hates being a vampire and isn't taking to the life, I'll help you track down the cure." He looked up, pinning Josef with his eyes. "You do know it could get us all killed."

Josef wasn't unaware of the reality of that, a cure for vampirism would be viewed as a threat by most of the tribe, and anyone wanting it would be deemed less than trustworthy. He'd been willing to take that chance, alone, but Shane's offer of help succeeded in clearing his head. He kicked back the remains of his Scotch and poured another, thinking about his "vision" again, of the things he'd seen. Reading her diary had shook him up badly, but no. He wasn't going to risk Shane for _his_ mistake, just so he didn't have to feel as guilty.

"You're right," he told Shane, taking a gulp of his drink, hoping for some bolstering from it. "I've been looking for a way out, anything to avoid having to face the outcome of my decision. Being wrong… it's never happened before; I don't know how to deal with it."

"Jay-Jay…" Shane drew Josef to him, resting their foreheads together. "Over fifty years have gone by. If you've moved on that's not wrong, it's just reality. It wouldn't be any different if you were a man whose human wife woke up from a coma after a decade. Except for one thing – she wasn't a victim of an accident or illness beyond her control; she made a _chioce_ of her own free will."

"And if she wakes up, and is thrilled to see her Charles and thinks it's 1955 and we're going live happily ever after, I get to break her heart by telling her it's 2008 and I have no idea how I feel about her now." His eyes glittered with unshed tears.

"You're losing your perspective," Shane told him gently. "You're worrying about what's going to happen, or not happen, imagining all sorts of possibilities ahead of time. Wasting time and energy, because until you actually go in there and give her your blood, and she actually wakes up – you have no clue what's going to happen."

"I don't remember you being so smart," Josef said, grinning a little.

"That's because you never listen to me," Shane told him, giving him a little shake.

"If I think it never should have happened?" Josef challenged, not quite ready to concede yet.

"Maybe there was a _reason_ for it," Shane countered. "A reason bigger than either of you, that you just haven't found out yet. Could be all _is_ right with the universe, and happening exactly as it's supposed to."

"The universe isn't supposed to screw Josef Konstantin," he informed haughtily.

"'Least not without asking _my_ permission first," Shane told him a grin.

Josef gaped at him like a landed fish at the display of possessiveness, even in jest, totally speechless for one of the rare times in his life.

When it became apparent Josef wasn't going to say anything, Shane tried filling in the silence. "I was just trying to lighten things up," he explained. "Relieve the tens—"

A mouth covering his silenced the rest of the sentence, and no more was said for quite some time.

XXX

"The tension has definitely been relieved," Josef told him, grinning, as they were sprawled on the couch awhile later.

"That's not what I—" This time a finger covered his mouth.

"Don't take it back."

Shane didn't seem to know what to say to that. "Who are you and what have you done with Josef Konstantin," he finally asked.

"I think the question is, what have you done _to_ Josef Konstantin."

"What would you like me to say to that?" Shane asked curiously, running a hand through Josef's hair.

"No need," Josef said brightly, "It was a rhetorical question." He jumped up and beckoned Shane. "I think it's time to get cleaned up," he announced.

"Are you stalling?" Shane asked suspiciously.

"You really don't want me to face Sarah with your spunk all over me, do you?"

XXX

The water was adjusted to comfortably cool, and the two vampires stepped inside the shower. The mood had shifted again, was more somber now, as Josef stepped into Shane's embrace. He just stood there, not talking or moving.

"Yeah, uh, I think it's gonna take us awhile to get clean, at this rate," Shane said, running his hands over the naked wet skin in front of him.

"There isn't enough soap in the world to do _that_, I'm afraid." Josef joked even though his thoughts weren't light. Inside, his thoughts were a chaotic swirl. _I wish I could stop time, stay this way forever. I wish this moment never had to end._

"I don't know if I can do this," he whispered, letting Shane think he meant just the Sarah situation, when in reality that was only a part of it. _Now that the time is at hand, I don't know if I can let you go…but I know I have to. _It had been a mistake to let the passion rise again, it just made what was at hand all the harder.

For long moments the only sound was the water raining down on their bodies. "Then you shouldn't," Shane finally said. "You keep talking about what you owe her – she does deserve a good sire experience. She'll sense your turmoil."

Shane was right, of course. He wasn't really in any state to function as her sire, and perhaps it was wise to be admitting that. "I'm not keen on putting it off any longer." He'd lived long enough with the unresolved issue looming ahead of him.

"I don't think prolonging the inevitable will help you either."

Josef stepped back to look at him. "You'll sire her?"

"I don't think I'm a very good choice either, under the circumstances."

Josef was quiet for awhile, thinking. He finally uttered one word. "Mick."

XXX

_Is this love that I'm feeling?_

_Is this the love that I've been searching for?_

_Is this love or am I dreaming?_

_This must be love, 'cause it's really got a hold on me…_

_--Is This Love, Whitesnake_

_._

Sara was surprised to see Shane return to their hotel room sometime before dawn and with Josef in tow. She was in bed, but unable to sleep was watching television to pass the time.

"What happened?" she asked from her place on the bed.

"Small change of plans," Shane explained as he tossed his keycard onto the dresser. "We're going to be waiting a day or so before the reawakening." He'd let Josef tell her the rest, in his own way.

Sara could sense the change in mood of course, she'd been around Josef now enough to get fairly good at it. She reached out and snagged his hand when he came close enough, pulling him down onto the bed next to her. "Watch T.V. with us. I found a good 80's rock station."

"Rock and roll again," Josef muttered, affecting distain. He watched the screen for a minute. "Whitesnake is pretty good, though," he admitted, listening to Coverdale rather appropriately singing "is this love that I'm feeling?"

Shane, who had sat down next to him, smacked him in the arm. "Hey! You _did_ steal my Whitesnake album!"

"I have no recollection of that," Josef responded with his best Ollie North innocence.

Then, after a few more videos, he told her of his decision regarding Sarah Whitley.

"Sounds like a good plan," Sara voiced her opinion after Josef had briefed her.

"You don't think that I'm pathetic for not being able to face it like a man?" Josef queried. His head was resting on her arm, and she'd drawn him close.

"No." She smacked him hard upside the head.

"You'll make a perfect addition to the family," he said wryly as he rubbed the offended area, referring to the way he and Shane had of beating up on each other.

"I think it takes a lot of courage to be man enough to admit when you need help with something. It's all gonna be okay," she assured him softly.

"Why is it when you say that I actually believe it?" Josef wondered to himself with some surprise.

"Because I'm wise beyond my years," was her comeback. "So don't you forget it."

"You wanna hit the freezer?" Shane said into his ear from his place on the other side.

"I think I'd like to stay here for a little while."

At times like these, he could almost believe in anything.

XXX

A very long silence followed an unimaginable question.

"Do you have the wrong number?" Mick's puzzled voice finally responded over the speakerphone in the study. "This is Mick St. John."

"Don't be a wise ass Mick," Shane told him. "We need you, man."

"I know what I'm asking," Josef told Mick quietly. It was huge, what and who they were asking it of. After Mick's experience with his own turning, he'd be the last one to consider siring anyone. Josef knew how tough it would be on Mick, if he agreed. Conversely though, it might turn out to be the best solution for everyone. Mick would get some experience under his belt before time came for Beth, which could only be a good thing. "And maybe that's _why_ I know you're the best vamp for the job. I'm not asking you to turn her, it'll be my blood; I'm just talking about you being a surrogate sire. I know I once said you weren't cut out to be a vampire, but I happen to think you'll make a great sire."

"Uh, thanks…" Mick murmured, obviously stunned by the compliment.

"If it sweetens the deal any, I'm prepared to call us even on the whole 'you setting me up' thing," he said lightly.

"I don't care about that crap," Mick said sounding offended. "You're my best friend, you idiot. I can't believe I'm even considering this," he admitted. "Okay, I have two stipulations: first, my wife has to be okay with it. If she can't handle it, the answer is no. 2nd: I do it _my_ way, no back seat siring from anyone."

"Fair enough," Shane agreed.

"You have my word," Josef told him.

"Okay, I'll call you later. Right now I have to have a conversation with Beth that I'm _not_ looking forward to."

"Good luck," Shane said. He'd need it.

XXX

"We need to talk," Mick told Beth, sitting her down at the dining room table.

"I'm not liking the sound of that," Beth responded, taking in the formal location he'd chosen rather than a more comfortable spot in the living room where they held most of their conversations.

"I got a call from Josef tonight."

"Did everything go okay?" she said anxiously.

He took a deep breath and just dove in. "There's been a change in plans; Josef has decided he can't act as Sarah's sire. He's asked me to do it."

"What?!" Beth exclaimed incredulously. "I don't understand, why can't he sire her?"

"It's…complicated," Mick mumbled.

"That's always been your excuse for everything," she accused.

"The sire's temperament and state of mind influences the experience of the fledgling, among other things. He's got…issues, and she would pick up on that. I guess he figured someone with my…background, would be especially empathetic to her situation."

"And Shane can't do it, because?" Beth asked pointedly.

"He has a tour to do, the shows have already been booked," Mick hedged.

"I understand that it's a very difficult time for Josef and I know it won't be easy on either of them, but I never would have expected him to back out just because something is difficult."

"I agree with his reasons," Mick admitted. "A traumatic turning…" He didn't have to say more, both of them knew too well the scars that could leave.

"What feelings would she pick up on?" Beth persisted. "What are these issues he's got that would be so traumatic for her?"

Mick squirmed uncomfortably. There were parts of this that hit a little too close to home for him, made him wonder about his own situation with new eyes. "Sarah wanted to become a vampire so that they could be together forever. Because she loved Josef, and she wanted to be with him no matter what the sacrifice. How do you think she's going to feel when she wakes up and finds out he's not in love with her anymore?" Emotion made his voice rough.

"He told you that?" Beth asked, surprised.

Mick folded his hands in front of him, trying to choose his words carefully. "Remember when I told you that there was more going on with Josef and Shane than what we knew?" She nodded. "I was right, there is. They're…they… there's a…physical component to their relationship."

"Physic—are you trying to tell me they're lovers?! Josef and Shane? Josef with all his gorgeous female freshies, and Shane's totally head over heels with Sara Adams."

Mick sighed. "I told you it was complicated." He smiled slightly. "I grew up during the 20's, but I've heard that these days there's such a thing as bisexuality."

Beth gaped at him, looking like she was considering smacking him. "For your information, I fully support the rights of those who live alternate lifestyles," she informed indignantly.

He had to grin visibly now. "Glad to hear it."

Beth glared at him a moment, then had to break down and smile herself. "Okay, so I guess that sounded kind of silly," she admitted.

"Josef's a four hundred year old vampire, you don't get much more alternative than that."

"I still don't understand. In fact, I'm probably more confused now than I was."

How was Mick going to tell his wife that the reason Josef couldn't be Whitley's sire _and_ the reason his relationship with Shane was so intense was because of the nature of the sire bond – but not to worry, in the case of him and Sarah it wouldn't be like that. Not to mention having to explain that sometimes, when you live forever, the rules of monogamy are very different. He was just only now slowly starting to understand some of these things himself.

"I think you need to talk to Josef. Come to New York with me, and at least hear what he has to say."

Beth paused, regarding her husband. "Do you _want_ to be her sire?" she asked then.

"I wouldn't actually _be_ her sire," Mick hastened to explain. "It'll be Josef's blood that revives her, if it works. I'll just be a sort of surrogate sire. And she'll know the truth from the start."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Do I want to? Hell, you know the issues _I've_ got. Up until a few months ago I swore I'd never turn a human being, no matter what." He gave her a meaningful look. "My opinion on that has recently changed. I also know what it's like to wake up to a new, terrifying world. If I have the opportunity to help make someone else's experience more positive… Not to mention that Josef's a good friend, and I owe him. Yeah, I'd want to do that."

XXX

Saks Fifth Avenue. Macy's. Beth hit all the biggies, dragging Sara along on her spur of the moment shopping spree. It was only hunger and fatigue that forced her to finally pause for lunch – at the Russian Tea Room.

"What the hell is up with you?" Sara asked, looking at all the bags, some of which she'd had to help carry.

"Me?" Beth said with forced brightness, sipping her cocktail. "I'm just passing the time while the boys have their important vamp meeting." Their voices were of course, pitched low so as not to travel beyond their table to any other ears.

"Uh huh," Sara said, clearly disbelievingly.

"And I've never been to the Russian Tea Room before. It's very nice, isn't it?"

Sara leaned over the table. "Check this out, this is so cool – do you know why we got such a great table and fast service? Just to see what would happen, I mentioned that I'm a close personal friend of Josef Kostan."

"Well, speaking of the devil… "Beth hesitated, uncomfortable but needing to bring up the subject, not sure how. "Look, I'm just going to ask you straight out. Doesn't it bother you? About him and Shane?" She could almost see the guard going down over the girl's face, and she knew Sara well enough by now to know that she would be defending them.

Sara shook her head. "You don't have a clue."

"That's why I'm asking."

"I know that if I want to be with Shane, I have to accept his nature. If I can't, what do you think would happen to my relationship with him? The bottom line you need to remember is that they aren't human, no matter how well they pass. Our rules don't apply here."

"So that's why you put up with it? Because you _have to_?"

Sara rolled her eyes. "I love Shane, all of him. If they're a package deal – well, I could do a hell of a lot worse. In fact," she said with a mischievous twinkle, "Having had two sexy men in bed with me, I'd say I'm pretty damn lucky."

"Uh… TMI," Beth said faintly.

"So you're freaked out by the idea of Mick helping Josef sire Whitley," Sara cut to the heart of the matter insightfully.

Affronted, Beth defended herself. "Look, I'm his wife. And I hear it's a rather intimate bond."

"Ask Josef about it, he'll be upfront with you," Sara echoed what Mick had said. "You fell in love with a vampire, and you have to accept _all_ that means. It's gonna be a long eternity otherwise."

"If infidelity is going to be a part of that… I don't know," she admitted.

"Good grief! Not everyone is the same, whether human or undead. I think you're jumping to conclusions, automatically assuming Mick's going to cheat on you at some point? Sounds like an issue you need to discuss with Mick, if you don't trust him…"

"I am not!" Beth defended, red faced at the implications. "It wasn't at all difficult for you to understand? The whole vamp sensuality, with swooning freshies having orgasms from donating blood and warped brother/lover/sire relationships…"

"I'd use another choice of words if I were you," Sara warned, eyes flashing and steel in her tone belying her diminutive stature.

"I'm sorry," Beth said contritely, heaving a breath. "Josef's my friend and I love him. It's just… all a bit overwhelming to me right now."

"Talk to Josef."

XXX

"Thank you for being willing to listen," Josef told her later that evening. They were in his study in the townhouse, where Beth had sought him out after her shopping expedition, needing more answers to her questions. "I know it's a lot for you to deal with. I'm sure it's confusing for you, so feel free to ask me anything you need to."

"Well, uh…" Beth began, a bit taken aback as she hadn't been expecting the open, candid attitude.

"Before we start, let me just assure you that I'd never do _anything_ to cause problems between you and Mick. You're my closest friends, and I cherish you both. You know that."

"I'm not totally clear on why you can't sire Sarah Whitley yourself." It was as good a place as any, to start.

Josef paused, thinking. Then he sighed. "You have to understand, it's not an easy thing for me to talk about, or even admit. I loved Sarah in 1955. She loved me for what I was, didn't care. From your experiences with Mick you know how… overwhelming that can be for a vampire sometimes. She was willing to give up everything – her family and her whole life, just to be with me. That's how much she loved me. I was lost in the romance of it all. And maybe… maybe I wanted someone for _me_, to be a companion. The centuries can get lonely."

Beth, touched at his words, reached out and covered his hand with hers. "It's understandable. No one could fault you for that," she told him, both supportive and prompting too.

"When she didn't wake up… it was devastating. I went through a lot of emotions over the following decades. Finally, I made some peace with it. It's been over fifty years, and I accepted that she was gone from my life a long time ago. And I'm a different person now than I was then. The truth is, I have no clue how I feel about her now, or how I'm going to feel when she wakes up – but I know I can't pretend she's still the love of my life in the same way she was then."

"And… there's someone else who's the love of your life now?"

A small smile hinted at his lips. "That's where it gets complicated. I can't explain it to you – because I don't have an explanation for my relationship with Shane. I'm not sure I understand it myself."

"Is it… because of the sire bond?" Beth ventured awkwardly.

Josef's smile widened at the realization of what was actually bothering her most about the whole thing. For this, he had an answer that should relieve some of her worries. "I remember when Shane and I first met," he began reminiscing. "It was before I was turned," he surprised her by adding. "There was just something about him… " He knew he was showing more in his expression than he normally would have liked, but she needed to understand. Siring didn't automatically include a romantic relationship; it still depended on the two people involved. "Yeah, I know, vamp appeal and all that, but it wasn't just that."

"Okay," Beth said brusquely, dismissing with a wave of hand, letting him off the hook but only to change the focus. "So where was this relationship during the time when you met Sarah?" she asked, struggling to figure out why he'd fallen in love with Sarah if there was already someone else.

Josef abruptly got up, turning away. His voice was rough when he spoke. "I've never told another soul what I'm about to say to you, Beth. I know what I'm asking of Mick, and you, and so I offer this. We are all a product of our time, even vampires to a certain extent. Shane… has very specific beliefs about certain things. To a modern, 21st century gal such as yourself it may not seem like a big leap from practicing bisexuality to being _in love_ with someone of the same gender… but for some people it's inconceivable."

Josef glanced at her, seeing the dawning knowledge and beginnings of pity. "Don't," he warned, pointing an angry finger at her. "Spare your feelings for someone who needs them, like Sarah. You don't need to feel sorry for me. Don't forget – I always get what I want, and I have eternity to do it in." These days, he didn't even think it was going to take that long.

"What about Sara Adams?" she said softly, tears in eyes but not quite sure who they were for.

Now it was his turn to look slightly pitying. "Sara is a very special girl," he said fondly. "I understand all about true love between two people. But the truth most mortals can't deal with is that you _can_ love more than one person at a time."

"Is that what living forever does to you?" Beth asked, revealing her true, personal reasons for her questioning. "Should I be expecting the same after a few centuries with Mick?"

Josef sat down beside her on the couch and took her hand. "I can't tell you where you'll be in a few centuries. I _can_ tell you that I know of a vamp couple who've been together for centuries and are still madly in love. And I can promise you that if your relationship does happen to change after several hundred years – not saying it will -- it'll be gradual, natural, and it won't be painful."

"Are you saying your relationship isn't painful?" Beth challenged.

Josef smiled widely, genuinely. "Mine? It's better than ever."

XXX

The goodbyes were more emotional than expected. Shane and Sara were leaving to join his other band mates for Stand's tour. Beth had work, so for the next several weeks she'd be seeing Mick only on weekends, when she flew in so they could spend a few hours together. No one was particularly happy about the situation, but all knew it was necessary.

Sara stepped up to Josef, taking his hand. "You gonna be okay?"

"I'm always okay," he assured her.

"Good. Don't make us worry about you!" she ordered, slipping her arms around him for a long, tight hug, then a kiss on the lips. "We're just a cell phone call away. If you need to, for any reason even just to talk – call us!"

"I will," Josef promised, moved by her concern.

Shane smacked him in the head, with a mischievous grin. "What she said!" Josef barely had time to roll his eyes before Shane reeled him in and, in front of everyone, gave him a real kiss goodbye.

Mick took the opportunity to pull Beth aside so they could have their goodbyes in private. It had been decided from the start that Whitley would do better to be in a familiar environment for the time being, and that meant New York. When Mick had first believed it would only be Josef moving there temporarily, he was less than happy to know his best friend wouldn't be around for awhile. Now instead he found himself saying goodbye to his wife.

"Do all vampires have kinky sex relationships like this?" she asked him, with a head nod toward the two who were still 'saying goodbye'.

"No. Uh…give me a break, I'm only eighty six. Turns out I'm not the expert on all things vampire."

"That's comforting." Not. "But you're right. Sarah Whitley deserves a chance to have a decent turning experience. I know you'll do a wonderful job." She put her arms around his neck.

Mick was warmed by her support and belief in him. "I know this is hard on you – it's not easy for me, either. But we don't exist in a bubble, just the two of us in the universe. There are other people that we care about, who share our lives. Friends we love, family. Yes Sarah and I will probably have a family-type bond. Remember when I told you sire bonds are like any relationship? Some amazing, some terrible? It depends on the two people involved. I'm married to you, and I took my vows seriously. I hope that you know you can trust me."

"I guess, if we're going to be together for eternity, I'd better learn to get over my jealousy soon," she responded, giving him a kiss.

"But then I'd have to get over mine…and I'm not sure I'm prepared to do that yet," he told her with a teasing grin. "After all, it's a foundation of our relationship. We were jealous before we were dating."

"Oh, that's right. Wait, did we ever actually date? I guess we're not the poster couple for _normal_," she admitted with a rueful laugh.

"I'll miss you," Mick told her, turning the conversation serious.

"You'll have your hands full. The week will pass by quickly. I'm the one who'll have to go home to that empty apartment every night after work…" It had started out light and teasing, but ended with her almost in tears as she realized the truth of the last part.

"Hey!" he admonished. "None of that. I'll see you on the weekend. And I'll call you every spare moment. You'll get sick of hearing from me."

"Never," she vowed, drawing his head down for a kiss.

It was a loud throat clearing that finally broke them apart. Josef was standing there, seeming reluctant to interrupt.

"Beth will miss her flight," he said quietly.

"I can think of worse things," Mick said, but let her go and stepped back. "I'll see you in a few days."

"A few days," she echoed, touching his lips with her finger before turned away to get into the waiting taxi.

Mick regarded Josef, knowing that the hang dog look he saw there was reflected in his own face. He clapped his friend on the back as they started back inside the townhouse. "We're a sorry pair," he told the vamp.

"Totally pathetic," Josef admitted sourly.

The next few weeks would probably test them all. Sometimes it's hard when romance comes face to face with reality.

XXX

Mick wasn't sure what woke him. It was still daylight yet, a good several hours before he should have been rising for the night. He climbed out of the 'guest' freezer, threw on a robe and headed upstairs. The house was quiet, but he sensed Josef's presence in Sarah's room. For some reason the hair on the back of his neck stood up.

He eased the door open, trying to be as silent as he could even though he knew the older vamp would pick up his presence unless very distracted. What he saw shocked him. Josef was standing by Sarah's bedside, detaching the unit of blood that was feeding her.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Mick demanded, although he already had a sick feeling he knew. Like any vampire, it was blood that had kept her alive and young for the past five decades she'd been in a coma. And without receiving blood regularly, she'd die, just like any vamp.

Josef froze at the sound like a deer caught in the headlights, but recovered quickly and answered readily. "What I should have done a long time ago. I just didn't have the guts to face it. I let myself be ruled by guilt instead."

Mick walked further into the room, ire building up. "Are you out of your mind?! After everything you put all of us through?!"

Josef moved towards him, and Mick steeled himself not to be affected by his expression. "Don't you see, Mick? The only reason she wanted to be a vampire was to be with me forever. The _only_ reason." He grabbed the collar of Mick's robe. "That's not enough!" he insisted adamantly. "You know that."

"What, so you're just gonna kill her then?!" Mick's face twisted with incredulous anger.

"If she doesn't want to be a vampire; if she hates me for what I did to her, she could be a threat to everyone. To the entire community."

"You don't know that for sure. I thought you said she deserved a chance?"

"Don't let Beth tell you it's enough," Josef insisted.

Mick shook his head, not wanting to hear any more.

Josef continued damning romance with the words of reality. "And make sure she knows what she's getting into – all of it. She has to want it for herself, too. If you can't be sure of that, don't turn her!"

"Okay, I get it!" Mick said, just to stop the flow of words and hopefully find a way to calm them both down.

"I know what you're thinking," Josef told him. "But my head is clearer than it's been in a long time. My mind isn't clouded by that sentimental crap."

"She still deserves a chance," Mick insisted. "If she's not adjusting to the vampire life, we'll know it."

"And then what? Revive her just to kill her again? That seems a bit cruel to me," Josef said, and his voice was controlled and unemotional again, in a way Mick hadn't seen much of lately. This was the old Josef, and Mick suddenly realized how much had changed about his friend in that brief span of time. "And will I get to do the honors?" Josef continued sarcastically. "Or will _you_ do it?" he said knowing quite well the angst with task would cause Mick.

"Josef, just…" He struggled to respond, having no idea how to reason with the other vampire. "Can we just let it alone for today? Have a good sleep and talk about it again tonight?"

"It's not going to change anything."

"Humor me, please?"

"Okay," Josef capitulated. "We'll talk later." His tone of voice made clear he expected to be the one talking, with Mick listening.

A battle of wills with Josef Konstantin was a losing proposition. He always won.

XXX

Mick wasn't proud of what he did next, but he was forced to admit that words from Josef's sire might carry more weight than a friend's. In fact, it was very difficult to go against a sire's wishes, as he himself knew only too well. So he called Shane.

Shane was apoplectic at the news. "We're in Jersey now, we'll be in Virginia tomorrow and we've got a two day gig there, with a day off. Put him on the plane. Can you handle things there? Good," he said without waiting for a response. "He shouldn't even be in the house with her. Put him on the plane _now_."

"If he refuses?" Mick asked.

"Tell him his _sire_ requests his presence," came the authoritarian voice.

"Easier said than done," Mick mumbled, hanging up. Perhaps it was the law of karma at work. Certainly Josef had ended up in the middle of a few Mickbeth dramas in the recent past. Now it was his turn to be on the other side of the fence.

XXX

It looked like neither one of them had any intentions of hitting the freezer. Mick found Josef in his study, going through some papers at his desk. There was a stalemate of sorts; Mick watched Josef in silence for a few moments, Josef ignored his presence.

"I talked to Shane," he finally began hesitantly, unsure of how Josef was going to react. "He'd like you to join the band on the road for awhile."

Josef looked up at him, and this time there was no reading his expression. It was a face that had won him more than a few hands of poker. After letting Mick wait nervously, the answer when it came was mild and sweetly agreeable. "Okay." He got up and moved to leave the room. "I'll go get ready."

He left Mick standing there, suspiciously wondering if it could really be that easy. Knowing Josef as he did, he was afraid of the answer.

Sighing in consternation, Mick caught up with Josef in the parlor. "You're taking this better than I thought you would," he admitted, hoping to bait the vamp into revealing his plans – whatever they were.

Josef rubbed his forehead, then moved to the bar and began fixing them drinks. "I know the two of you think I've lost it, but actually I feel more like myself than I have in a long time. My way is the humane way. You bleeding hearts want to do this, fine. I just hope you don't regret it." He handed one of the drinks to Mick.

"You're the one who started this whole thing," Mick reminded. He noticed that Josef didn't sit down until after he had claimed a seat on the couch himself first. Apparently it was a battle of body language as well.

Josef sighed. "It never felt _right_," he admitted. "I was just ignoring my common sense in favor of wallowing in my grief and guilt. Think of me what you will, but when it came down to it, my gut instincts wouldn't let me do it."

"So you just take off and I'm supposed to deal with her on my own?" Mick was slightly surprised that he was even considering staying, becoming Sarah's sire for real while Josef was off playing rock fan. It felt surreal.

"No," Josef answered firmly. "Mick, there's no reason you have to do this if you don't want to. You can back out of it; no one will think less of you."

"And what about Sarah?" Mick asked, although the answer was there in Josef's eyes.

"Look, I know you. I don't want to see you get hurt, and I'm sorry I dragged you into this. But you're here now. And you're a grown vampire, old enough to make your own decisions. Just know – like the rest of us – you have to live with the consequences, whatever they are."

"I've lived with my share of consequences, thanks," Mick snapped back, resenting the condescending attitude. "Maybe I've got a few things to teach _you_."

Josef shrugged. "Shit happens. It's a long eternity. And when I said 'living with' I didn't mean whining about how horrible you are, I meant accepting responsibility and moving on." He leaned forward. "I think it's great that you're accepting what you are – I've been waiting a long time to see that – but there's such a thing as going _too_ far in the other direction. It wasn't that long ago you would have never considered subjecting another to the vampire life."

"Sarah's situation isn't like mine," he argued, even as he acknowledged the truth of his friend's words to himself. Was he really so accepting now that he could go around siring people he didn't even know? "She knew what she was getting into, she chose it."

"Yes, she chose to become a vampire in 1955, so that she could be with _me_ forever. Now it's 2008 and I'm not there. Is that fair to her? I loved her too much to hurt her like that. She gave her life for me; I owe it to her to honor her sacrifice." He paused to let his words sink in. "You can't get the past back, it's gone. For her memory, I owe her peace now. Maybe it's time for both of us, you and me, to put the past behind us and move forward."

It was the last sentence that hit Mick the hardest; there was a kind of stark yet pure honesty in it. In the end it was Josef's decision to make, not his.

"What now?" he whispered.

"You go home to Beth," Josef said gently. "I stay here and deal with my consequences."

"I could hang around…" he began, disturbed by the thought of his friend going through that alone. Despite the unemotional facade, Mick knew it had to be a deep pain.

Josef rose, shaking his head. "This is something I need to do alone." He gave Mick's shoulder a squeeze on his way past. "But first I have to deal with getting a certain over-protective galoot off my back, thank you very much for that."

XXX

"Some Prince Charming I turned out to be," Josef said sadly to Sarah, as he sat beside her and stroked her hair. His eyes took in the figure on the bed intently, committing her peaceful image to memory. It would have to last him forever. She was like a sleeping angel, one who deserved to finally be given her wings and fly free of the bonds of this world he'd held her prisoner in for five decades.

"I never deserved you, I know that now. The universe…had a different plan for me, I just wouldn't listen. I was trying to be someone I wasn't and when you came along I thought that was my chance to wipe out everything that came before and start over."

It had worked, for a little while. He'd lived the fairytale everyone dreams of having, the kind singers write love songs about. Basked in her overwhelming love for him, thinking it would never end. For the first time in his centuries on earth he forgot he was Josef Konstantin and started to believe he really was his current persona: Charles Fitzgerald. In the end, Sarah may have known he was a vampire, but she didn't know _him_. They'd both taken a gamble on love and lost. One of them would live with the consequences for eternity; the other would have eternal peace. It was the least he owed her.

"Your love for me was pure and true, and in my love for you I let you go. May you rest in peace, my beloved Sarah Whitley."

A single, sure, downward stroke of a razor sharp blade; a prayer to a being Josef hadn't prayed to in centuries, and the bonds connecting the two were severed. One soul finally free, the other earthbound by choice.

XXX

Josef stepped out of the bedroom and closed the door softly behind him. The Cleaners would be arriving shortly; he'd made all the arrangements. Living as Sarah Whitley, she would die as Whitley Fitzgerald, beloved wife of Charles. For all intents and purposes, Charles had died in 1955 – the same day Sarah did.

And for the first time in four hundred years, Shane was able to "sneak up" up on Josef. When he walked into the parlor, they were there waiting for him, Shane and his Sara.

He sighed. "What are you two doing here?"

"Where else would we be?" Shane asked rhetorically.

They both opened their arms and encouraged him into a three-way hug, lending non-judgmental acceptance, support and comfort with their presence. Josef welcomed it.

"Wanna join us on the road for awhile?" Shane offered when they broke apart.

Josef shook his head, seeing through the offer to the concern underneath. "Between the vacation in San Diego, flight to Alaska, road trip, and arrival here I've been away from business for too long as it is. What I _really_ want to do is go home and get life back to normal."

"As long as you're sure," Sara told him.

"I'm fine," he insisted. "And I think maybe we need this time apart." He glanced at Shane meaningfully. "It won't be years this time."

"I'll expect you to show up for a few of the gigs at least." Shane's way of saying "hell no, it won't be years!"

"Count on it," Josef promised, grabbing his bag.

As the three of them left the townhouse, the vampires sensed the presence of another vamp. With a human companion.

Josef glanced at Shane, seeing his own surprise mirrored; he hadn't known Mick and Beth were going to show up either. They stood outside at the bottom of the steps, waiting.

"And what are you doing here?" Josef asked, trying to sound stern when he was actually touched.

"You're our best friend," Beth said simply, moving to hug him and not taking no for an answer.

Josef narrowed his eyes at Mick when Beth had finally let him go. "You're not going to hug me too, are you?" he asked suspiciously.

With an amused grin to the others, Mick did just that. Josef suffered the attention amiably.

"Can we go home now?" Josef wanted to know when he was released.

"Well, we're all here, it's nighttime in New York," Mick began. "Why don't we hit a jazz club before we leave?" His attempt to lighten the mood for Josef's benefit was transparent, but no less appreciated for that.

Josef thought about it for a moment. "Find one that plays the blues. It's definitely a night for blues."

"Blues it is," Mick agreed in a solemn voice.

As the five of them walked down the street together, Josef found himself in the middle surrounded by his friends.

His family.

.

**end Prince Charming**

.

A/N: try not to judge Josef too harshly, he's defiitely still in the middle of his "breakdown." Later chapters will delve into that more.


	5. Eternity

**A/N**: short epilogue to "Prince Charming" where we learn a bit more about the situation...

.

**Eternity**

.

Every little girl dreams of a beautiful church wedding. Her gown would be the same one her mother wore, saved for her special day, gorgeous flowing white lace. All her family and friends in attendance as she and her prince charming exchange promises to love each other forever. The ring he's bought for her is carefully placed on her finger with hands that shake slightly. Maybe he fumbles in his nervousness and almost drops it. She adores him so she laughs breathlessly at his clumsiness. They vow to love each other until death parts them. Their union is thus sealed before God, and they ride off into the sunset in a shower of rice.

She wore a plain cream colored dress and carried a simple bouquet. The Justice of the Peace was tucked away inside a nondescript building, just another of the many in New York. The only witness was a friend of the groom, and there was no guarantee God was anywhere in the vicinity. She had her Prince though, and it was the only thing that mattered. She slid a sideways glance at him. He looked excited, nervous as they awaited their turn to be married. He was handsome as always in his perfectly pressed, expensive suit. He caught her looking and smiled at her; they shared a moment of private laughter, feeling as giddy as two teens eloping.

It felt like her blood was made of champagne, bubbling inside her as her own excitement threatened to spill over. The new, glorious life they would have together was ahead of them, an eternity of unimagined delights. After tonight, even her blood would be changed. Her blood would be in him and his in her, and they would be bound together forever in a way even God couldn't outdo. She was ready.

And then it was their turn, and moments later the words pronounced them husband and wife.

XXX

The single piece of paper fluttered slightly as it was laid down in front of him on the desk. He glanced at it briefly, didn't have to look closer to recognize the words of the document. He knew them by heart.

"Why didn't you tell someone?"

He shrugged. "It was a long time ago. What would be the point?"

"She was your wife." A look passed between the two, significant, speaking of unlikely things shared.

He nodded. "And now she's not." He watched as the different emotions passed over the other's features, reading every one of them clearly. He calmly allowed the sympathy, marveling at how far he'd come in such a short time.

"I thought you'd changed your mind about secrets?" was the predictable response.

He waved a hand in the air vaguely, dismissively. "It's a matter of public record, it's hardly a secret.

Helplessness was reflected in the expression regarding him next, the one people get when they're feeling badly for you and want to _do_ something, but have no idea what.

He put them both out of their misery and gestured to the paper. "Do you think this makes it hurt more? It's just a piece of paper."

A shaking of head told him his unaffected response hadn't been believed. "She was your _wife_."

He abruptly stood up, tired and thinking longingly of his freezer. "And she's been dead for a long time. Hell, so have I, for that matter," he added wryly. "She's just flying high with the angels while I'm down here in the mud with the humans."

"You believe that?" his visitor said, clearly surprised at the religious overtones to his response.

"Doesn't matter what I believe," he responded flippantly, letting a smile stretch his lips. "Maybe I'll never find out first hand."

"Never is a long time."

"And so is forever," he countered. "But this," he gestured to the paper again, "is till death do us part."

"I'm sorry." A lame offer of condolence for a situation that no words could adequately do justice to.

"Do you know what Alexander Graham Bell said?" he inquired, putting an arm around his visitor and leading them to the door. He would see the cool relief of his freezer before the hour was out. "Did I ever tell you I met him? He was living in Edinburgh then. I knew his invention was going to be big when I heard about it. Made a bundle on it. That's how you play to win – be open to opportunities when you see them ahead of you, and don't let past regret poison your present."

"What did Alexander Graham Bell say?" the amused voice tried to bring him back on topic.

The light was flipped off and the door closed behind them, the Certificate of Marriage remaining behind as the only witness left to the joining of Charles Fitzgerald and Sarah Whitley in holy matrimony.

.

_When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us._

_--Alexander Graham Bell_

_._

**the end of Eternity**


	6. Sins of Omission

.

**Sins of Omission**

.

Fallen Angel

"Today I'd like to talk to you about the Sin of Omission. According to the Bible, it's the failure to do what one should have done. Paul refers to this sin directly when he states in Romans 7:19, "For I do not do the good I want, but I do the bad things I do not want to do."

In our struggle not commit any sins of omission against God; we sometimes forget that we must also apply those rules to everyone. I refer you to Matthew 25:40: "I say unto you, inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

Determining the right thing to do can seem very difficult, if we forget to listen to that still soft voice inside of us. There's an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other and they're duking it out, arguing so loudly sometimes you can't hear that voice. Selfishness, fear, even logic, none of these will help you. I say you _know_ what you need to do. If you ignore that, you are doing it willingly. I'll give you an example from my own life. When an anonymous benefactor offered to donate the entire amount to build this church, I was torn. The devil, my selfishness and greed, wanted a beautiful _real_ church instead of that run down storefront we were in. The angel insisted that I should be humble. We don't need a fancy building to worship in, God is within us. Do you think you know which one I needed to listen to? Neither of them! While they were fighting over my head, that still small voice whispered to me, "This is what you need to do." Build the church.

The next time you're torn between two decisions, let that voice through. Obey it. That's God's voice, folks. He's giving you the answer you need. The question is, will you listen?

I'd like to close this sermon tonight by reciting the passage from I Kings 19: 11-12."

"And He said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind and earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:  
And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice."

XXX

Mick_:_

_Every time I sit here in the pew listening to one of Robert's sermons, I marvel at the changes in my undead life this past year. For so long I thought God had turned His back on me. I really believed all the folklore I'd been exposed to as a child. Vampires as the soulless damned. I just knew what Father Mears, the priest from the church my parents took me to every Sunday, would have to say about us. I lived that model of eternal damnation for a long time. Until I finally figured out it was me who turned my back on Him. So here I am, every Sunday night, reminding myself not to shut that door again._

_I was so hung up on the fact that this undeath had been forced on me against my will…yet now I find myself wondering if it's right to choose it, to forgo the option of heaven. Robert believes a wife's place is with her husband, but I don't know… I hope Beth is listening to this sermon, because I think Josef is right, it can't be because of me alone. Thinking about Josef in church… I hope I don't get struck by lightning! I have a feeling it was just because he didn't want to be involved in a wedding at a rundown church building that he agreed to donate the money for this one. I haven't given up though; I may just drag him to church yet…_

Beth_:_

_Don't fall asleep, Beth – don't fall asleep! It's not that the sermon is boring, it's very nice. Did I remember to take the laundry out of the dryer? I totally support Mick, I think it's great that he's found religion again… it's not as if I'm not religious, I believe in God. Maybe I can get Mo to let me ditch the anorexic model story, if I can just come up with a juicy murder to cover… That's it; I'm going to hell, aren't I? Oh, wait, no I'm not, I won't be going to either place, will I? Okay, that wasn't a good thing to think about just now. Thank God I'm not that religious… It's a good thing I'm going to be immortal, or I'd be in so much trouble right now. You're babbling, Beth. Shut up and pay attention._

XXX

After services the congregation milled about the church, talking amongst themselves and stopping to say a few words to Reverend Autun before leaving. When Mick and Beth did their goodbyes, Autun took Mick aside and asked to speak to him privately after everyone left.

When the church was empty, Robert ushered the couple into his office. As they took their seats he was quiet for a moment, gathering his thoughts.

"There's a…situation I've come across that I feel I need to make someone aware of."

"A vampire situation," Mick guessed.

Autun nodded. "Lately there have been vampires coming to me for help with drug addiction."

"Vamps can get temporarily high from the blood of someone who has drugs in their system," Mick explained. "Generally, it's not on par with human addiction, vamp addicts are rare. It's blood we're addicted to," he admitted wryly.

"Food can be an addiction for any of us," Robert responded, in that way he had of putting vampirism into perspective. "And I know about that, I'm talking about being addicted to a _drug_, not drugged blood."

"That's impossible," Mick returned automatically, although he couldn't help thinking of the moonshine that Randy made. If an alcoholic beverage could be made, was it possible a drug could too?

"I'm bound to confidentiality so I can't give you the names of the addicts, but from what I'm hearing there is a dealer in the city who's pushing a drug for vampires."

"That can't be good, can it?" Beth put in. "Drugs can lower inhibitions; I would think that could be dangerous in a vampire."

"What kind of drug is it?" Mick asked. "Does it cause euphoria, hallucinations, what?"

"From what I gather, it's a general intoxication, with some loss of memory afterward."

"So they could be doing _anything_ while high," Mick said, thinking about the possible consequences. Any potential threat to the security of the vampire community was taken seriously by everyone.

"I'm not hiring you in an official capacity, I can't pay you. I just thought you should know about it."

"I'm going to look into it," Mick promised.

"Can you tell us anything else that might help the investigation?" Beth asked, earning a raised eyebrow from Mick at 'us'.

Robert shook his head. "I'm afraid not," he answered regretfully. "They won't reveal their source to me; I think they may be afraid to. It's just started though; I don't think it's been going on long."

"Well, that's one good thing," Mick said. "Thanks for telling me."

XXX

In the quiet of his office after Mick and Beth had left, Robert sat at his desk working on next week's sermon. He liked getting started on the next one right away, while he was still feeling the fire and inspiration from the night's service. He liked each one to build upon the one before. He'd just gotten started when he was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come," he said, looking up to see who his visitor was. "Well, if it isn't our anonymous benefactor," he exclaimed with a smile. "I'm surprised to see you here."

"Me too," the visitor admitted, shifting from foot to foot as if nervous. "I heard your sermon. It was good."

"Should I be expecting hell to freeze over?" Robert had always suspected that it was mainly Mick's entreaty that convinced Josef Kostan to donate the money. He didn't seem to be the religious type, but perhaps that was presumptuous of him to assume.

"Nah, neither side wants me, that's why I'm undead. Wouldn't get into heaven, and they know I'd take over down there," he said, sounding serious.

"What can I do for you?" Robert sat back in his chair expectantly.

Josef finally moved completely inside the office, taking a seat in one of the visitor chairs. "I'd like you to perform a memorial service."

"I can do that. Who is it for?"

"My wife."

"You have my condolences."

Josef waved the sentiment off. "There are a few things you should know first. I killed her."

"I see," Autun answered non-judgmentally, waiting for further explanation.

Josef continued, his words devoid of emotion. "We were married in April of 1955. She wanted to be with me forever." Emphasis on the last word giving no doubt to his meaning. "On our wedding night I tried to turn her into what I am. It didn't work, and for the last five decades she was in a coma."

"You 'pulled the plug'?" Robert guessed.

"In a manner of speaking."

"That must have been a very difficult decision for you to make," the minister responded compassionately.

"I don't usually do anything without some benefit to me," Josef told him frankly. "Donating to this church was a tax deduction, one that's coming in handy with the way hedge funds have been going lately. But I think I…might have heard that voice you were talking about," he admitted, sounding surprised. "I spent a long time trying to decide what to do. If an attempt to revive her had worked, it would be a complication I didn't want in my life at this point," he said with further honesty. "And there was the other side, the one that said I needed to try to bring her out of it. In the end…I couldn't do it. It was like there was something inside me that had nothing to do with what I wanted or what I thought I should do, stopping me. I feel like I gave her peace."

"That would be the still, small voice, my friend," Robert told him. "A religious man might say you released her soul to heaven."

"I'm not a religious man, but thanks for the sentiment," he responded brusquely.

"If you're not a religious man why are you here?" Robert countered.

"For Sarah."

XXX

Rock and Roll all night and party every day

Due to his position as an elder in the local community, Josef was naturally Mick's first stop in his investigation. If nothing else the vampire needed to be made away of the situation. He met his friend at his office at Kostan Industries early the following evening.

"You're older than me," Mick began.

"Don't forget more mature," Josef replied with a smirk that Mick ignored.

"Have you ever heard of a drug that can affect vampires? Get them high?"

Josef sat back, lacing his fingers together. "Why do you ask?"

Mick recognized a diversion despite the typical cool Josef kept, but let it go temporarily. "Because apparently there's a new recreational drug on the streets that's aimed at vampires. You know how dangerous that could be."

Josef was silent a long moment before he spoke. "I think I know someone who might be able to shed some light on the situation."

"Who?" Mick asked impatiently.

"Shane." Josef scowled irritably at Mick's clearly misunderstanding look of shock. "No, he's not dealing drugs. But several decades ago, he had a recipe…"

XXX

Shane's band had finished their three month tour a few weeks previous and was back in L.A. doing their regular gig as the Rock and Roll Rodeo's house band. Sara was in Alaska visiting her family; he was planning on joining her there shortly, as he still had some things to tie up in Resurrection. It had been decided that they would keep the house he had there as a second home base, at least until his lack of aging was too obvious to go unnoticed. That way Sara could spend time with her family, especially her father. Ethan had so recently lost his wife; they couldn't bring themselves to cut his daughter out of his life now. Whether to someday let him in on their "secret" or not was still under consideration and probably would be for years yet.

Until everyone settled into their own digs in L.A., the guest wing of Josef's house had turned into party central, much to his chagrin, rivaling any of the ones Josef had had in the "wild 80's." That might be why Josef was spending more time in his office. Shane and Josef's lifestyles didn't exactly match, and if he had thought Sara was going to be a disruptive influence on his freshies, he hadn't considered what it would be like having Freddy as a houseguest (not that the rest of the band members were angels by any means). He had visions of newspaper headlines proclaiming: "Rockers busted for drugs at Kostan mansion." Needless to say, he was eagerly assisting the search for their new accommodations.

"Okay, so there are parts of the situation that aren't all bad…" Josef told Mick as they walked past the pool area where several nubile groupies were having a nighttime swim – sans bathing suits. The chorus of hellos they received said that even though they weren't rock stars, the two good looking men were welcome to join them.

"I thought you wanted Shane to stay at the house," Mick reminded him.

"Yeah – and he's probably doing this on purpose, too," Josef replied suspiciously. "Shane, yeah, not the band and the roadies and the groupies… Well, maybe the groupies," he amended, leering.

Mick hunkered down beside the pool, addressing the closest girl. "Hey, there. Do you know where Shane is?"

"He's in the quiet room," she told him. "But it's more fun out here…" she purred invitingly, holding out her arm in a familiar gesture that said she wasn't _just_ a groupie.

Mick smiled, holding up the hand with his wedding ring on it. "Sorry sweetheart, I'm married."

Josef shook his head at Mick as they walked toward the house. "Your boy scout ways are going to fail you one of these days," he predicted.

"Keep waiting."

"Your problem is, you're still stuck in the fifties," Josef accused. "There's a difference between food and sex, you know."

"Somehow I don't think my wife would see it that way."

"Ah, and there's the makings of a huge problem."

"If you say so," Mick said dismissingly as they entered the room that Shane called "the quiet room" that he used for creative pursuits, like working on his planned album.

Shane was lounging on a long couch with his guitar in his lap, working on a new song. "Hey – what do you think of this?" he addressed former musician Mick, playing a few licks on the guitar.

"Not bad," Mick told him. "So what are you doing in here with all that scenery outside?" he teased with a knowing grin. "Don't tell me you're missing Sara?"

Shane fell back onto the couch dramatically. "It's torture!" It was, of course, the truth. Not having her around was too reminiscent of the dark time when she was at college for his liking.

Josef rolled his eyes. "We need to talk to you about a case Mick's working that you might be able to help him with."

After Mick related what Reverend Autun had told him, Shane threw a questioning look at Josef.

"I told him the concept of a vampire drug isn't exactly…unknown to you."

"I'm not revealing the secret ingredient," Shane said firmly. "I've never told anyone, and it stays with me. It's safer that way."

"Give us something to work with," Mick pleaded. "This could be potentially serious and you know it. Could someone have gotten a hold of a substance that affects vamps?"

Shane pondered the question for a minute. "Yeah," finally answered. "It would be unlikely and probably dumb luck, but it's possible. The main ingredient in the stuff I cooked up in New Orleans is an essential oil, I'll give you that much."

"Essential oil?" Mick asked, mystified. "You mean like those reed diffusers Beth uses to smell up, I mean uh, fragrance the apartment?"

"That's probably just perfume oil. Essential oils come from natural sources, woods like Sandalwood, or flowers, Jasmine and Rose. There are a lot of potent chemicals in them. The main thing about them that applies to us is that they can penetrate the blood/brain barrier."

"Ah, and so that's where the high comes from," Josef surmised.

"Some of them have…intoxicating properties, but in humans the effect is negligible because they'd have to take a toxic amount first. But for vamps -- don't ask me why I don't really know -- the effects are magnified."

"Could someone have gotten a hold of _your_ recipe?" Josef asked meaningfully.

"Angelique wouldn't give up her secrets," Shane replied.

"Not knowingly or willingly maybe," Josef added. The two seemed to hold a silent conversation between them.

"I guess we need to take a trip to the Big Easy."

XXX

When Mick left to get ready for the business trip, Josef hung back, taking a seat next to Shane on the couch.

"There's something I want to talk to you about," Josef began, studiously not looking at his sire. "I'm holding a small memorial service for Sarah," he told Shane. "I thought it would be…appropriate."

"We'll be there," Shane promised solemnly.

It was, in fact, the reason he'd held off till now, waiting for Shane and Sara to get back to L.A. That was the easy part. "There's something else you need to know first." He braced himself for the reaction. Knowing Shane, he wasn't expecting the elder vamp to take it well. "Sarah was my wife. We married before I turned her."

Surprisingly, the explosion of anger never came. Instead, Shane just looked at him for a long moment. When he spoke, it was quietly. "Is there something I've done to make you feel you can't be honest with me?"

Josef was taken aback by the hurt in Shane's voice. He expected anger, one of their typical fights. This response threw him. He had no clue how to answer the earnest question. "It wasn't… I didn't…" He hated the emotion coloring his voice. "No. I'm sorry."

"Why?" Apparently Shane wasn't letting it go. "Have I ignored you when you needed me? Not been there for you?"

The pressure built with every sentence, and Josef decided the new honesty between them wasn't as great as he'd thought it would be. Shane was waiting for an answer, but the excuse he'd given Mick, 'it wouldn't have made any difference,' wasn't going to cut it here.

"Did you ever feel something so strongly that you couldn't talk about it? Something that felt so private, you needed to keep it locked up inside?"

"I guess I have," Shane conceded.

"You know _everything_ about me," Josef continued. "You've known me for almost my entire life. Maybe I figured I deserved a few secrets from you."

"I would have found out if she'd woken up."

"Would it have made a difference?" a baiting question, with so many possible meanings.

Shane was silent for a long time. He didn't answer, and Josef was just as glad. When he did speak, it was with a touch of sadness. "Did I keep you from your true love?"

Josef gave him the ghost of a smile. Taking a hold of the front of Shane's shirt, he drew him closer, kissing his lips briefly. "No, you didn't," he answered simply.

Shane gazed at him for a moment, then away, as he resumed conversation. "You know how I live in the present, take responsibility for my actions and don't wallow in regrets?"

"Yeah…" Josef said tentatively, wondering what was coming next.

Shane reached out a hand, brushing the side of his face briefly, gently. "You're the exception to my rule."

"What…does that mean?" Not sure he wanted the answer.

"It means I've wondered if I screwed up with you. Go back over things I did and wonder if I shouldn't have, things I didn't and wonder if I should've. I've tried to do right by you, the best way I could."

"I don't want to be your responsibility. I want to be your…" he trailed off, unable to finish.

"You're the exception to a lot of my rules," Shane said meaningfully, the eyes meeting his charged with emotion.

It took all of his willpower to keep from falling to his knees. A word from this man, one single sentence held a power over him nothing else could. It was terrifying and exhilarating. He didn't want to hear more. For all his pushing, and demanding, he couldn't handle more. And yet, his reply came anyway, breathless and yet controlled.

"What are we?"

The answer given was the only one to give, simple and yet infinitely complex, saying everything yet saying nothing. "We're _us_."

XXX

"Let me get this straight…" Beth stood there glaring at her husband as he packed his overnight bag, hands on her hips. "I couldn't go with you the last time you left town on a case, now I'm expected to sit this one out, too?"

"It's just a quick trip there and back to follow a possible lead," Mick explained. "There's no story in it for you."

The transformation on her face told Mick he'd said the wrong thing. "You think this is only about whether or not I can get a story out of it?!"

"I'm sorry," he said contritely. He stepped forward, taking her shoulders in his hands. "I shouldn't have accused you of that. I know it's not true."

"So what is it, then? You don't want to work with me anymore? Now that we're married suddenly things have changed? I thought maybe we might be partners one day…" The image of the future letters on the glass had never left her: St. John and St. John, Private Investigations. Visions of long hours spent working together, him teaching her the ropes.

Mick cursed himself for putting the tone of doubt in her voice. Was he more concerned with her welfare now that he unconsciously tried to keep her out of his business? That was something to ponder at length another day. For now he had to fix things.

"Actually, I do need some help on this. I was going to ask you before I left," he fibbed a little. It _was_ true that he could use her assistance. "One of the ingredients in the drug might be an essential oil. I need you to do some research on the subject while I'm gone, maybe you can narrow it down and find out which ones are more likely. But don't say anything in front of Shane or Josef, this is just between us," he added, using the fact of a shared secret between them to his advantage as well. Going behind his back wasn't something Shane would be happy with, as vehement as he was about protecting the recipe. Josef… he just didn't know what Josef's reaction would be.

Beth's eyes lit up as her mind went into what he thought of as 'reporter mode.' "Then after I find the most likely oils, I can check them against the major suppliers, find out if anyone in the area has been purchasing large quantities lately..." It was a look that frankly, turned him on.

Mick had a sudden urge and followed it, pulling her to him and kissing her breathless. "I love you, Beth St. John," he said when he finally released her. She swayed a bit on her feet and he steadied her, grinning smugly.

And, as he finished packing and left to join the others, it occurred to him that Beth was a damn good partner, who was going to make a hell of a P.I. one day. She just might succeed in solving the case for him. It wouldn't be the first time.

XXX

The Boys Are Back In Town

Several hours later, the three vampires were in a cab travelling away from the airport, and Shane had given the driver an address in the heart of New Orleans. They still hadn't explained the details to Mick, who figured it was about time he knew.

"So who exactly is Angelique? How did you meet and what does she have to do with the drug?" Mick fired off his questions.

"She's a voodoo priestess," Shane replied. "I worked with her when I was a Bokor here."

"A what??"

"Witch doctor," Josef supplied with a smirk.

"Hey!" Shane hit him in the arm. "Show some respect."

"Very amusing, but this is a serious situation. It's not the time for one of your stories," Mick scolded.

Josef and Shane exchanged a look and laughed.

With a mischievous glint in his eyes, Josef starting singing. "Ooo eee,ooo ah ah ting tang, Walla walla, bing bang..." Shane smacked him again, but he ignored it and continued to serenade him. "I told the witch doctor I was in love with you, and then the witch doctor he told me what to do…"

"I think I also remember the zombie recipe," Shane drawled warningly.

"My friend the witch doctor, he taught me what to say. My friend the witch doctor he taught me what to do. I know that you'll be mine when I say this to you," was Josef's answer. "Oh baby, ooo eee, oo ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang—"

"Ooh yeah, that gets me hot," Shane quipped.

"Where are we _really_ going?" Mick complained over their antics.

XXX

The Botanica was one of the oldest in New Orleans. Not well known, hidden from the tourist area and tucked into a corner just outside of the French Quarter, in a neighborhood that had seen better days _before_ the hurricane.

As Shane led the way inside the darkened building, Mick took in his surroundings with surprise. It was obvious from the various potions and ingredients on display inside the shop that it was exactly what Shane had told him it was.

Josef picked up a jar that had the body of a frog in it, holding it up for Mick to see. "Hey – it's my old friend Kermit!"

"Yeah, uh, nice to meet you," Mick mumbled, feeling a bit ill at ease.

They followed Shane past the curtain separating the front of the store from the private area. A figure sat in a chair at a small table, her back to the visitors. She gave no indication that she knew they were there.

Grinning, Shane exaggeratedly tip toed up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, whispering in her ear. "Guess who?"

"I'd remember that voice anywhere," she replied with a mixture of amusement and warmth in her tone.

"Hey, beautiful," Shane greeted, kissing her on the lips. It was obvious from his affectionate manner that they had been close, and he was happy to see her again.

Angelique was in her late seventies now. Although she knew about vampires, she'd never wanted to be turned and didn't regret her decision. Her job now was to pass on her wisdom and experience to her children and grandchildren, a couple of whom had showed talent for the gift. The pleasure and gratification she got from preserving the old ways was all the immortality she needed.

"You remember Chucky," Shane said with a nod towards him. Josef had gone by Charles Fitzgerald in those days, and Shane had always enjoyed coming up with obnoxious nicknames for whatever alias he was using.

Josef picked up her hand, kissing it as he had done the first time they met. "Please ignore the idiot and call me Josef," he told her.

"This is our friend, Mick St. John," Shane introduced them.

"Strong name," she said, giving Mick a once over with a penetrating stare that almost had him squirming.

"Nice to meet you," Mick said as he and Josef sat down on the bench that was on the other side of the table. The former Bokor remained next to Angelique.

Shane got right to business. "We need to know if anyone's been around lately, maybe a vampire, asking questions about our recipes or anything unusual? Maybe non practitioners wanting to buy some ingredients? Anything unusual?" he asked his former priestess and lover.

"No. As I told you when you called, no one has ever been around, asking any sort of strange questions. When you disappeared there was a rumor that the spirit of Marie Laveau herself had put a curse on you and so the loas took you away," she told him with a twinkle in her eyes. She still had the same fire there.

"And what did you tell them?" Shane asked with a matching, knowing amusement.

"I told them you thought you were more powerful than me, and so I commanded Papa Legba himself to do away with you," she answered with a laugh. "I was the most feared priestess in the city after that!"

"There is no one more powerful than you, Angelique," Shane told her, sounding serious. As he leaned over to kiss her goodbye, she pressed something into his hand that Mick couldn't quite make out, quick as the exchange was.

It might very well be the last time Shane saw Angelique. Mick wondered how the other vampire dealt so easily with the specter of the mortality of those you cared about. Maybe someday he'd get the nerve to ask.

XXX

As they left the botanica and started walking towards the French Quarter, Mick glanced back one last time.

"Holy shit," he exclaimed, as everything finally sunk in. "You really were telling the truth!"

"Perhaps I lie less than you think I do," Shane responded cryptically.

After they'd gone a few blocks further, another thought occurred to Mick. "Wait a second – you talked to her on the phone?! Couldn't we have gotten the information that way?"

The other two grinned at him, as Shane replied. "Yeah. But then we wouldn't get to party in the Big Easy."

"You're incorrigible!" Josef told him, holding out a hand, palm up.

Shane placed the small brown pouch into his hand.

"What is that?" Mick asked with suspicion. No one answered. "Tell me you didn't do what I think you did?!"

"What do you think I did?" Shane inquired mildly, taking a pinch of whatever was inside the pouch and putting it under his tongue.

"You did!" Mick exclaimed in disbelief. "Here we are trying to find and stop a dealer supplying drugs to vampires and you decided to go and get high?!"

"Yep, pretty much." He held out the pouch to Mick. "Try some."

"No way!"

"Oh, come on, don't tell me you didn't do a little of this," he mimicked puffing on a joint, "back in the fifties when you were in the band. Everybody was doing it. Still are," he added.

"Oh my god, I feel like I'm in an old episode of "Afterschool Special."*

"Maybe it would be useful for research purposes," Josef suggested. "You know, for the case."

Unbidden, Mick's mind went back to a time months ago; Beth, coming to him high on black crystal. If he'd been high too when she asked him to turn her? He shuddered. Things may have played out very differently. Some people (and vamps) liked to play with fire. Maybe he had done it in his own way too, being obsessed with someone like Coraline sure qualified… and there was a time in his vamp life when he'd given in to the hedonism and the bloodlust, decided if he was a monster he may as well act like one. It wasn't a period he was proud of, and Beth had changed all that…

"I'll research from here, thanks," Mick told Josef. He took note of the fact that Josef didn't touch the drug, either, but didn't comment on it.

XXX

The three vampires wandered down the streets of the French Quarter, occasionally stopping for awhile to listen to some of the authentic New Orleans jazz spilling out onto the street from the bars along the way. As they passed an establishment advertising XXX girls girls girls on the sign outside, Josef paused and took a deep indrawn breath through his nose. Scent of many vampires inside meant one thing.

"This is the place," Shane said.

"What place?" Mick asked, started to get an uneasy feeling.

"I think it's time for some liquid refreshment," Josef commented. "I know _I'm_ famished."

Mick couldn't help himself from starting to salivate at the words. It _had_ been quite awhile since he'd fed, hours before leaving L.A. He was a master at self control – it wasn't many vamps that could leave a potential meal untouched even when dying in the desert – but he tried to avoid any tempting situations altogether.

"Nothing for me, thanks," Mick said firmly as Shane slipped inside the dark interior. When they were alone, he turned to Josef. "We could always stop at the local supplier; pick up a bag or two…"

"Do you know where that is?" Josef asked with arched eyebrow. "Neither do I, and I'm not going to go traipsing around the city for hours just so I can locate some of that stale, reconstituted, dead crap you subsist on."

Mick sighed, resigning himself to an awkward few hours. Maybe he'd be lucky and they would eat and run, but he doubted it. Josef enjoyed playing with his food too much.

XXX

Mick's suspicions proved correct. Shane had returned shortly with a girl on each arm, introducing them as Pammy and Cammy (Pamela and Camille). One blond, one brunette, respectively, they were as attractive as freshies usually are. Throwing off lots of excited hormones with the thrill of being with vampires and anticipation of what was to come.

The party of five now continued to enjoy the nightlife of Nola. They stopped for some drinks, ordering Hurricanes for everyone even though they were a bit mild for the vampire's taste (the famous New Orleans drink, not the one they serve at Hard Rock Cafes), and bought colorful Marti gras beads for everyone from one of the shops. Mick felt like the proverbial fifth wheel, and that bothered him for more reasons than just the obvious, but he wasn't willing to explore them in detail. When Pammy slipped some beads over his head though, the thought came to him.

Am I boring to them?

He'd once told Beth, 'perpetual coolness is the vampire's curse.' Right now he felt more like a geeky kid on a playground who's standing on the sidelines, watching the others laughing and having a good time, unable to join in. Would Josef rather have the Mick of the 80's as a friend? Everything was different now that Mick was in a new phase of his life, he wasn't sure yet how the past fit in with the present.

Being a vampire and thus attuned to others of his kind, Mick knew the instant the mood in the air changed. They'd been strolling down Bourbon Street when they abruptly veered off down a quiet side street, moving further from the noise of the partiers. Mick felt the sympathetic excitement dance along his nerve endings, unable to prevent it.

As Shane sat down on the stoop of an abandoned building and pulled Cammie onto his lap, Josef looked up at Mick from his perusal of Pam's arm, eyes turned pale meeting his. "I'm willing to share."

"You know better than that," Mick managed, his gaze sliding from Josef's down to the arm of the freshie that Josef held loosely. He couldn't tear himself away from the sight of the finger that was slowly caressing the vein, back and forth. He could smell the blood in the air from where Shane had already tapped Camille's vein.

"I thought you had accepted your vampire nature," Josef told him. "This is part of it."

"You'd want me to do that to Beth?"

"Do what to Beth?" Josef countered. "Did she specifically say you couldn't feed fresh?"

"That's a lame excuse and you know it," he growled. They had never discussed it, and Josef had probably guessed that.

"Maybe. But think about this. Beth will have to do it one day. You don't think, as a new fledgling, she's going to go right to bagged blood? She'll need to feed fresh, learn control so she knows how to take what she needs without draining anyone. You will be there, watching. Will you consider it an act of cheating on you?" He continued with the damning logic. "Will a decades out of practice sire be the one to teach her?"

"What do you want from me?!" Mick demanded in a rough voice. He had been sure he was okay with the whole turning issue…but now, talking about Beth and Beth drinking blood in the same sentence…maybe he wasn't as okay as he'd thought.

"I want you to act like a vampire, man! We drink blood, it's what we _do_." As if to punctuate that statement, Josef lifted the arm in his grasp up to his mouth, licking his lips once before sinking his fangs into the vein. The freshie threw her head back in pleasure. After a short time he lifted his eyes to Mick again.

"Maybe I haven't accepted it yet," Mick admitted, staring at the wound.

"Good place to start, then," Josef murmured quietly.

Maybe it was all a lie, his carefully constructed veneer of normalcy with its pretty excuses and happily ever after and talk of God and redemption…

With a mighty heave, Mick slammed the door shut on his mind and all thoughts and lunged, grabbing Pam's arm and placing his own mouth to the puncture holes. The all—too-infrequent taste of living blood went straight to his head as if he was mainlining it. He tasted Josef, and a trace of soap, but mostly the silky life-giving blood that was flowing from her into his own body. He noticed through the haze, a brief flash of shame that accompanied it, that Josef was actually murmuring words of encouragement and guidance to him, hand even rubbing comforting circles on his back.

After awhile his head lifted, unaware that he'd obeyed a quiet command of "that's enough," staring at Josef while he came out of his fog. Josef must be a great sire, he thought to himself. He couldn't help feeling inadequate next to that. Being a sire was a serious job. One he knew he wasn't ready for yet.

The vampires saw the woozy girls with the dreamy expressions back to the club then headed down Bourbon Street again, two of them in high spirits, one deep in philosophical thoughts.

"I thought this was a business trip," Mick said quietly, mostly to himself.

"Business and pleasure, baby," Shane told him with a grin and a slap on the back. "Business and pleasure."

"I love multi-tasking," Josef added with a happy smile. He took a deep breath of New Orleans air, smelling the essence of the city; flavors of alcohol, gumbo, ancient decay and pot smoke, the blood of thousands of humans being pumped through their veins by hearts that kept time with the drums of the jazz bands and a million other scents that coalesced into one overall signature that said: New Orleans. He had no need to taste anything. He could smell it.

"Is the drug you and Angelique made up addictive?" Mick asked Shane, trying to put his mind back to the case, a welcome distraction from thoughts of what was facing him back home.

"I don't know," Shane answered, his tone of voice suggesting he really wasn't taking the question seriously. "I don't have an addictive personality. Well," he revised, "I'm obviously addicted to Jay-Jay -- but except for that."

Josef laughed, looking pleased at the comment. "Can you imagine a vampire with the munchies?" He shuddered melodramatically.

Mick was about to open his mouth to suggest that perhaps the image wasn't really all that amusing, when Josef unexpectedly grabbed Shane and pulled him into the shadow of an alley and up against the wall, where he instigated a round of passionate kissing.

Rolling his eyes heavenward, Mick turned his back to give privacy. He waited impatiently a few moments, then called over his shoulder, "Whenever you're ready, we have to get back to the airport."

"Why, are you turning into a pumpkin?" Josef snickered. Mick had to wonder if he'd taken some of the drug after all. Or, maybe he shared a similar addiction.

Shane gave Josef a playful look, and they started walking down the street, arms around each other. Mick fell into step next to them, surprised when Josef tossed his free arm around him as well.

"We're vampires – the world is ours!" Josef declared loudly and with gusto.

Part of Mick really believed him.

XXX

They arrived at the airport a short time later, headed over the tarmac to where Josef's pilot was waiting for them, doing his last minute check of the plane. That's when it got _really_ weird.

Shane strolled over to the pilot, casually draping an arm around his shoulder. "So…" he drawled, nodding his head several times as if answering some silent question only he could hear. "You're Eric, right?" The pilot shot a quick, nervous glance at the others before nodding. "Did you fuck him, or did he fuck you?" His voice had taken on a distinct note of belligerence.

After the frozen moment of shock that followed for all, Mick glanced at his friend. He'd never seen such a look of astonishment on the normally unflappable face before. If vampires fainted, Josef would have been laid out on the ground.

"Just wondering…" Shane reminded them he was still waiting for an answer, the thin thread of danger present that those who'd known him for awhile could recognize.

Josef burst into action, diving forward and grabbing Shane's arm, physically dragging him away toward the door of the plane, muttering something about needing to have a word with him.

That left Mick and Eric alone, looking at each other and not knowing quite what to do next. With his sensitive vampire ears, Mick could tell that what was going on inside the plane definitely didn't involve an exchange of _words_.

"Are we leaving now?" the oblivious Eric questioned, glancing towards the door as if he might be thinking about boarding.

"Ah…not for a little while yet," Mick told him. He took what was becoming a habitual gaze heavenward. _Now that I know about the two of them **this **is what I have to put up with!_ He silently complained to the universe. Maybe whoever said ignorance is bliss had it right after all. He grabbed Eric's shoulder, steering him away from the plane and towards the hanger. "C'mon, I'll buy you a drink in the airport bar."

XXX

Mick figured he could use a stiff drink too, so he ordered two. The virtual strangers found themselves in that awkward place where both were fumbling inside their minds for conversation ideas.

"Thanks for the drink," Eric said, toasting him with the glass.

"You're welcome," Mick said, and then realized he'd just bought a gay man a drink. "I don't want you to get the wrong idea," he began stammering. "I mean, I didn't, I'm not… I'm married!"

"You haven't spent much time around gay men, have you?" Eric asked with amusement.

"I was turned in the fifties," Mick said by way of explanation.

Eric chuckled, luckily for Mick not taking offense. "We've been around since the beginning of time, you know, we didn't just pop into existence at Stonewall in 1969."

"I've led a sheltered life," Mick responded sheepishly.

"A vampire leading a sheltered life. That's too funny."

Mick agreed. And probably kind of pathetic, too.

XXX

"Well, we're coming back to the plane now…" Mick said in an unnaturally loud speaking voice as they returned a bit later. "And here we are," he said just as loudly as they climbed the steps and entered the plane, Eric turning left for the cockpit as he entered the cabin.

Josef was sitting in one of the seats, head thrown back in uproarious laughter, perhaps at Mick's exaggerated return. It was apparently one of the funniest things he'd ever heard, considering the length of time it took him to stop laughing.

"Are you sure you're not stoned too?" Mick asked, cautiously sitting in the seat next to him.

"I gotta flush that shit…" Shane muttered from the row behind them where he was sprawled out across the seats, his voice sounding much more sober.

Josef learned toward Mick conspiratorially, patting his jacket pocket where the pouch was safely tucked away. "I love it when he gets stoned," he admitted, grinning.

XXX

Nothing but a good time:

Beth breezed into Josef's office, a thick file in her hands. Mick had called her from New Orleans to let her know that the lead had been a dead end, and asked her to meet them there will the results of her research. He'd considered going over it with her in private, but frankly, he wasn't in a very good mood and decided he didn't care whether Shane liked it or not. He'd just have to deal.

Beth raised her eyebrows as she took in the scene before her. Josef was behind his desk, reclining back in his office chair and looking like a cat that had just gotten the canary. Shane was sprawled in one of the leather chairs, looking like he'd had a rough trip. Mick was perched on the edge of Josef's desk and giving off 'uneasy' vibes. All three of them had layers of Mardi gras beads around their necks.

_Yep, they've all been partying_, Beth said to herself. _Josef is in a good mood from partying, Mick's feeling guilty for partying, and Shane's been partying too hard._

Beth gave the beads around Mick's neck a flick with her finger. "Well, while you guys were out buying beads, I did a lot of digging, and I think we've got a solid lead."

Mick hastily yanked the beads off and tossed them around Josef's neck. "What did you find out?"

Beth took a perch of her own on the side of the desk where she could face everyone, and got down to business. She opened the folder and began her report. "Essential oils are extracts from plants and flowers. They've been around for centuries; the Egyptians used them for embalming."

At the mention of essential oils, Shane sat forward in his chair, and Josef's wandering attention focused on her as well. To Mick's surprise though, Shane remained silent for now.

"I'm just going to hit the main points; you can read over the rest if you need to. I've highlighted the information that's likely to be of most use to you."

"I see you did your homework," Josef quipped.

"I'll expect a gold star for extra credit," Beth quipped back, before returning to the file. "Okay. Basically, the blood/brain barrier is a filter to protect the brain. Most drugs are made up of molecules that are too large to pass through it, that's why chemotherapy doesn't work on brain cancer, or antibiotics for brain infections. Essential oils do pass through. Another unique thing about them that might have relevance for vampires is their frequency. That's the measurable rate of electrical flow. To put it in perspective, the average frequency of the human body is about 62Hz. Canned vegetables are a zero, and fresh produce can be up to 15Hz. Rose essential oil's frequency is 320 Hz's."

Mick whistled.

"Essential oils penetrate every cell in the body in twenty minutes," she continued. "Could be the length of time before the drug takes effect. There were a lot of them to go through, but I did separate a few for certain mild effects on humans that might produce some kind of high in vampires."

"Wait, go back a minute," Mick told her. "Could essential oils raise the frequency of someone who used them?"

"That's the claim." Beth nodded, digging through the pages a moment. "Diseases lower the frequency of the human body. Essential oils are used to raise it and restore health. FYI, they aren't taken particularly seriously by the medical profession here in the U.S. but in some European countries, doctors use them to treat patients."

"I didn't know they were so… powerful." Mick wondered what the frequency of a vampire body was, and if that somehow factored in.

"You thought they just smelled," Beth quipped.

"What ones did you peg as possibles?"

"The three that came up to the top of my list were clary sage, which can cause euphoria and be a narcotic in large doses, neroli is a hypnotic, and chamomile is a hypnotic."

Mick turned to Shane. "Is it one of those?"

"Fuck," Shane exclaimed, clearly not happy. "I'm not telling you anything more."

Mick decided it was time to take the kid gloves off. "This could be an important piece of information for the security of our community, and it was irresponsible of you not to turn it over."

"I was thinking of security when I _didn't_ reveal my recipe," Shane countered.

Since Shane didn't seem to be murderously angry, Mick decided to press his point. "Well obviously someone has a formula of their own, whether it's the same as yours or not. Maybe you have to realize that you're not a lone wolf anymore, and there are other people affected by what you do and don't do."

"I give you credit for balls," he heard Josef murmur in his direction.

Shane sat back in his chair, making "go ahead" motions with his hands. "I bow to the wisdom you've gained in your long fifty years of undead life."

"Maybe I'm not a wise vampire elder – but I've been a P.I. for over thirty years and I know my job. This is _my_ area of expertise. I'm not asking you to reveal your recipe, but the information you have might help us find the dealer." Maybe he was being disrespectful, but then Shane was being condescending, so he figured they were even.

Beth cleared her throat. "We might not need that." When she had his attention again, she continued. "After I had the list of possible oils I cross referenced them against the major suppliers and their customers, looking for anyone in the L.A. area who's purchased unusually large quantities of any of them recently."

"And?" Mick demanded when she'd paused for dramatic effect.

With a smile, she turned over the file to Mick. "There were a half a dozen likely candidates. Most of them are in the aromatherapy business in some way, but I figured that doesn't eliminate them as possible drug dealers. I pulled their pictures from the DMV. Maybe you'll recognize one of them as a vampire."

Mick flipped through the photos at the back of the file. When he came to the next to last picture, he froze.

"You know that one?" Beth asked impatiently.

Without answering, he passed the photo along to Josef, getting two raised eyebrows of reaction.

Josef then shared a look with Shane and held up the photo for him to see. "Cynthia," he said. He looked back at Mick again. "Mick's loose end."

"Who's Cynthia?" Beth asked.

Mick dropped into a chair, running a hand over his face. "Coraline's best friend," he answered. "She was helping her with the Cure. She disappeared after…after Coraline did."

"Well, we know what happened to Coraline," Beth corrected.

"Do we? All we know is she's dead. We don't know who killed her, or what Cynthia is doing involved in drug manufacturing now, or if there's any connection."

"Some things come back to bit 'cha in the butt, don't they?" Shane muttered to Josef wryly.

"No good deed goes unpunished," Josef responded.

"Why did you call her Mick's loose end?" Beth asked, wrongly assuming the exchange between the two referred to Mick and Cynthia.

"Because he apparently forgot all about her," Josef answered. "For all we know, she thinks _Mick_ killed Coraline. They were _close_," Josef emphasized the word.

"Like… you and Shane close?" Beth asked, once again quickly putting pieces together.

Josef pointed a finger at her. "Give Nora a cigar."

"I have a headache," Shane commented to the room, earning perplexed looks from the other vampires. "Anybody got an aspirin?"

"You're a vampire, you don't have a headache," Josef pointed out to him. "You've been hanging with humans too much."

"If I was human I'd have a headache right now." Shane insisted.

"If you were human, you'd be dead." Josef countered.

Mick sighed. "Okay. Cynthia's obviously our number one suspect. It's almost dawn, I'm going to go home and get some rest. Tonight I'll check out the address on her license. You two can come along – or not, your choice."

"I'll come," Beth said, earning her an exasperated look from her husband.

"If I only had a choice," Shane said in a sing-song voice.

"Isn't that 'if I only had a brain'?" Josef quipped.

Shane gave him the finger.

"Could be worse," Mick told him as the team of St. John and St. John headed to the door. "He could have cast you as the tin woodsman without a heart."

"That's harsh, man."

XXX

Well… tonight should be interesting," Josef commented after the couple had left.

"Every time you get involved with people they pull you into their shit," Shane complained to him. "Do you know how much I hate that?!" He was clearly working up to one of his trademark rants.

"Yes. Yes I do." Josef responded with his best wise ass delivery.

"Do I look like a law enforcement officer to you? Do you see a badge pinned to my chest? No. I'm not a sheriff anymore."

"Just out of curiosity, are you concerned at _all_ that there are drug addicted vampires running around L.A.?"

"Did you ever watch Chico and the Man back in the 70's? It's not my job, man," he told him in a terrible Freddie Prinze impersonation. "Isn't that what you have Mick for? He's the expert, remember? Do you even know how serious the situation is? If it even _is_ a serious problem?"

"I believe Mick wasn't able to get any information on that from Reverend Autun due to confidentiality issues."

"I see. It's just fine for him to keep information to himself that "could be an important piece of information for the security of our community"," he said, mimicking Mick's earlier words.

"Last I looked you weren't wearing any priest or minister robes, either," Josef commented with a smirk.

"Ah hah!" Shane jumped up and pointed a finger at him for emphasis. "I am a Bokor, and I'm protecting confidential information."

"You're insane."

"Well, if that's the best comeback you can come up with, I'm going home and work on my new songs," Shane told him.

"What new songs?" Josef asked in confusion. "I thought you already had all the songs picked out for the album?"

"These are for the next album."

"_Next_ album?!" Josef grimaced. "I think we need to have a talk." It wasn't going to be pretty, but Josef had one thing to his advantage – he was the only person on earth not afraid to piss Shane off. In fact, he did it quite often on purpose just to amuse himself.

"Why do I get the feeling I'm not gonna like this talk?"

"I thought we'd discussed this, and you weren't going to do anything crazy – like try to be a rock star. Fame is not the vampire's friend."

"You people are so melodramatic."

"Melodramatic?! During the tour your manager had me on speed dial in case I was needed to come and calm you down. You don't need drugs; you're addicted to rock and roll. Suddenly just playing in a local band isn't good enough. You're talking albums and tours…"

"If it weren't for you and Sara, it'd almost be worth it," he said, and the wistfulness in his voice might have been slight but Josef noticed it.

Josef's eyes flashed in anger. "So if you didn't _have_ to consider us you'd go ahead with this kamikaze rock star thing, is that it?" He continued before Shane could answer. "Is our love such a burden to you? If you go, we'll follow, you know that." Maybe it wasn't a fair thing to say, but he was trying to break through. Josef was well known to have thick shields, but he knew it was really Shane who was the expert. He could even hide from _himself_ with a thoroughness Josef could never quite achieve. The cracks were always showing.

"All right," Shane said, his tone of voice indicating his attention was fully on the conversation now, his blasé manner giving way to growing anger. "You wanna get down to it? I feel like who I am has never been good enough for you."

There was a momentary pause of shock from Josef. "That's not true. Just because I don't want to see you dead… I don't want to lose you; Sara doesn't want to lose you…"

"That's your excuse this time, what about all the others?"

"What others?" Josef asked, mystified and alarmed.

"Well, let's see… You've always thought my interest in rock music was a frivolous waste of time, when I was in New Orleans you enjoyed making fun of the religion I was practicing, when I was a bounty hunter you put _that_ down... You always wanted me to be something I wasn't."

For one of the rare times in his life, Josef had lost control of the conversation. He didn't have a smart ass answer, he couldn't think of an excuse, and he didn't want to tell the truth. His put downs were a defense against the truth. He'd had no idea Shane had interpreted them _that_ way. "It's not true…" he whispered.

Shane raised both eyebrows skeptically. "Are you denying you did all those things?"

It was a long silence this time. "You're a selfish bastard," he finally rasped.

"So are you!" Shane exclaimed, but there was more amusement than anger in it.

"Mick's right," he said, gathering some steam. "You never think about how the things you do affect others."

"You don't wanna answer me, so you're gonna change the subject, is that it?"

As the pressure of the truth built up, Josef fought to hold onto his composure. Did he have a choice? Maybe he was stalling for so long because he _wanted_ to tell it. "From where I'm sitting it's _me_ who's never been good enough!" he finally spat out.

"What?" Shane said, with a look of incomprehension.

"I really do hate you." He spun his desk chair around so that he was facing the window instead of Shane. Dawn was just beginning to color the horizon with pink hues. Well, Shane asked for it… So be it. "I wanted you to stay with me," he said in a voice nowhere near as steady as he would've liked. "I missed you. That's why I said all those things."

"Fuck," Shane said with feeling.

"I wanted you to love me enough to stay."

Shane moved behind the desk chair, putting his arms around Josef's neck. He lowered his head and closed his eyes. They stayed like that for awhile, touching, not speaking.

Shane broke the silence. "We're different, you and I."

Their eyes were drawn to the window, where the faint reflection of the two of them was still visible in the glass. Josef in his Armani and Shane in his ripped jeans and Jack Daniels T-Shirt. A study in contrasts.

"I know we drive each other crazy when we're in the same place for too long."

"But?" Shane prompted.

"I wish we didn't."

"Remember this," Shane said softly in Josef's ear. "We have eternity to work it out."

Feeling the need for a shift in topic, Josef returned to their previous discussion. "If your face gets plastered everywhere as the famous rock star Shane Alexander, how are you going to continue to play music after you've changed your identity?"

"You're the one who decided I was going for fame. I never said that."

Josef was surprised to find the truth coming out easier once started. "I don't want you to lose your music. I know how much it means to you."

"Trust me."

XXX

When Mick walked into the bedroom after his shower, Beth didn't even notice. She was on the bed with her laptop in front of her, engrossed in whatever was on the screen.

"New story?" he asked, sitting down on the bed.

Beth glanced up with a smile. "You're not going to believe this, but I actually _am_ going to do a story on essential oils."

"Pretty different from your usual stuff, isn't it?"

"Yes, but it's so fascinating, and most people have no idea. Of course I still have to work out an interesting angle."

"As long as it's not 'drug dealer specializes in vampire addicts'." She rolled her eyes at him. "You did good work today," he told her.

"I solved the case, you mean," Beth corrected boastfully.

"Probably," Mick admitted. "What can I say? You're right; we make one hell of a team." He watched her for a few moments, and then spoke again. "Listen, uh… I've got too much going on right now, but after the case is wrapped up I want to sit down with you have talk about your turning."

"What about it?" Beth asked cautiously.

"It's just that there are a lot of things I've never explained to you. I want you to have all the information you need, so you'll be prepared."

Beth smiled. "I'd like that."

She was obviously thrilled that Mick had brought the subject up himself and was willing to talk about it without having to be pushed. It was exactly how he expected her to act, and he admitted to himself that he was trying to 'butter her up' just a bit, get her in a good mood before the conversation.

"So…" Beth said as she powered down the computer. "Just how tired _are_ you?" She tried for a suggestive eyebrow wiggle, but it just ended up looking silly, and they both laughed.

"Never _that_ tired," Mick responded, closing the gap between them.

XXX

Loose Ends:

It was just after sunset when the three vampires checked out the address on Cynthia's driver's license. As they surveyed the scene in front of them, Josef was the first to speak up.

"Wow, Cynthia's really slumming it," he quipped. "I knew her to have much higher standards than this."

"Um… looks like an abandoned building to me," Shane added in a feigned serious tone.

Mick rolled his eyes at their sarcasm. "That's because it _is_ an abandoned building. Obviously the address on the license is fake." There was also no sign of any vampires having been around the building.

"Aww, I put my badge on and all for nothing," Shane said, referring to the fake children's tin badge he'd pinned to his shirt for the occasion.

Josef smacked him in the head. "Well, what's our next move?" he asked his P.I. friend.

"I've got some ideas to follow up on," Mick told him. "I'll let you know when I find her."

"Well, if the excitement's over for the night, I'm going to the club to get ready for tonight's show," Shane announced.

"Maybe I'll tag along," Josef told him.

"You wanna be my groupie?" Shane joked, slinging an arm around shoulders.

Josef rolled his eyes, looking like he wanted to say something, but was drawing a blank.

"Oh my god, you don't have a comeback for that," Shane noted in shock. Josef _always_ had a snarky answer for everything. "Are you losing your touch?"

Josef smacked him in head again.

XXX

Beth was waiting for Mick in his office when he got home.

"Sorry the address didn't pan out." As he sat down behind the desk, she claimed her favorite seat, his lap.

Mick's arms automatically went around her. "We should've figured she'd be more careful than that."

"What are you going to do now?"

"Call Robert," Mick answered, picking up the phone. He punched in the numbers and waited for the call to be answered.

"Hello?"

"Robert, it's Mick."

"You have good news, I hope?"

"Yes and no. We believe we've found the person responsible for the little…situation you came to me with," he explained carefully, not wanting to say anything too specific over the telephone. "The problem is, we can't locate this suspect."

"Then if you're calling me, you must have a reason," Autun guessed with his usual sharp grasp of things.

"I know you have confidentiality issues, but I _really_ need to talk to one of the customers," Mick explained. "In order to track down the manufacturer, I need to know who they're buying from, and where. Can you find out if one of them would be willing to talk to me?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line, then Robert answered. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks." Mick hung up, and once again put both arms around Beth. "Well, the only thing to do now is wait to hear from Robert."

"Hmm…since you have time on your hands…" Beth began.

"Are you propositioning me?" Mick teased, with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

"Actually, I was thinking maybe we could have that talk you wanted to."

"I suppose I might as well get it over with," Mick admitted. Actually, since he'd thought of a great way to explain things to her, he wasn't quite as reluctant as he might have been. "As Josef so _helpfully_ reminded me the other day, you and I have never talked about the subject of freshies."

"Do we need to?" Beth asked him.

Mick looked away a moment, then back. "Yeah, we do. When you're turned…" it felt a little surreal, saying that to Beth, talking openly about her being turned into a vampire. He was still far from totally comfortable with the idea. The romantic promises of forever were quite different from practical reality. "You're going to have to learn control, and that'll mean getting used to feeding from humans. Plus it'll be better for you to have fresh blood in the beginning. That means freshies."

Beth's face registered surprise; she obviously hadn't expected the topic to be her use of freshies. "Male or female?" she questioned.

Mick glanced away briefly again, knowing she wasn't going to be the only one who would have to adjust to the realities of being vampire. "Whatever you're most comfortable with," he answered grudgingly. He knew from his days with Coraline that watching your wife bite another women's neck wasn't exactly a horrible experience, but if he wasn't willing to stick to his own gender he had no right to expect her to – and the thought of drinking from another man when it wasn't in the midst of attack felt too weird.

"So…you'd be okay with me having buff young men around to bite?" Beth had seen vampires feed a time or two, she was aware of how sensual the act often seemed, especially when it was Josef and his bevy of gorgeous donors.

"It would be hypocritical of me not to be unless I was willing to do the same," he admitted.

"Ah, so now we get to what the conversation is about."

"It's about what I said it was about," Mick corrected tersely. He let the annoyance get him over the next difficult sentence. "You'll deserve a better teacher than a sire who hasn't fed fresh himself in almost twenty years."

"You have _me_ to practice on," Beth pointed out practically.

_Uh oh._ Too late he discovered there was a serious flaw in his foolproof plan. "I uh, I can't do that too often, and you know I don't take much when I do." _I'm gonna kill Josef._

"Okay," Beth said. "Now I'd like you to explain to me why you want to feed from freshies."

"It's not that I _want_…" he paused, frustrated. Still, she was giving him an opening for the speech he'd come up with. "Fresh blood is like biting into a juicy New York steak, bagged is like eating C-rations. For a vampire, resisting it is _always_ a struggle. Every day. It's like being an alcoholic; you take one day at a time. When you have enough of a reason to stay on the wagon, it's easier, but when you're comfortable with what you are – and I want you to be, because I couldn't handle it if you suffered like I did – it gets harder to resist. I'm sorry," he said. "We both have to accept the fact that there will be freshies in our future. Probably not exclusively, but it's a part of being a vampire."

"What does it feel like?" Beth asked after digesting his words. "I mean for the vampire," she added. "I _know_ what it feels like for the donor."

Mick wanted to kiss her for asking the exact question he needed her to. "Does it get me hard?" he said bluntly. "When it's you, every time. Otherwise… when you go into a restaurant, would you rather be waited on by an ugly woman, or a gorgeous young man? Be honest." Beth's non-answer _was_ her answer. "It may seem shallow or crass, but it's human nature. Besides that, a lot of us male vamps aren't too comfortable with the idea of being the cause of another man's pleasure."

"So you're telling me it doesn't mean anything to the vampires but it does the donors," Beth sought clarification.

"In nature some species have the ability to attract, paralyze or otherwise lure their prey, it's part of their survival. If being bitten by a vampire was always an unpleasant experience it would be a lot harder for us to survive, and a lot more dangerous to humans. I think the whole 'vamp appeal' is nature's way of making sure we always have a willing food supply. I know how it _looks_, but… okay, take Johnny Depp. He does a new movie and the theater is filled with a bunch of drooling women. They get turned on by him, dream about him, maybe even fantasize about him while they're with their husbands. Does that mean Johnny is being unfaithful to his wife – or girlfriend, whatever he has?"

"Well," Beth said, "okay, I might have had a dream or two about Johnny – but I guarantee you I _never_ fantasized about him while making love with you."

"I know I'm a tough act to follow," Mick joked, relieved that Beth was taking the situation as well as she was.

"I have to think about this awhile," she warned. "Make sure there are no holes in your story."

"Understood."

"Thank you. I know it had to have been hard for you to talk about this subject."

"You have _no_ idea," Mick told her.

"Now… speaking of getting hard…" she said, stroking the bulge in his pants, coaxing it to life.

Mick had to admit, this office had seen a lot of action since his marriage to Beth, and it was a guilty pleasure of his to have sex there. On the desk, or her straddling him in the chair… he had no idea why it turned him on so much, unless it was the combining of his two favorite things: making love to Beth and being a P.I. It was better than the shower, or the couch, or the floor, or the wall, or the car, or the elevator, or even the balcony.

Okay, this was definitely not bad either, Mick thought as Beth unzipped his pants and slid to her knees in front of him. His hands gripped the arms of the chair tightly as she began teasing him with hands and mouth. He closed his eyes, riding the growing arousal as it took him higher and higher.

When Beth abruptly released him and stood up, his hips involuntarily surged forward to try and keep contact with that mouth. His eyes flew open, his hot gaze fixed on her as she began removing her clothing, a piece at a time, slowly.

"You should see the look in your eyes right now," she said as he reached behind her to unclasp her bra and let it fall to the floor.

"And um, what do they look like?" he asked distractedly as she slid her panties down her legs and stepped out of them. It took all his effort to keep his hands where they were and not grab his erection to relieve the pressure there.

"Like you want to devour me," Beth answered in a low, seductive voice. "Like I'm the hottest thing you ever saw."

"You are."

Beth moved her feet apart, and reached her hand down to her center, stroking herself, sliding fingers inside her body.

_Okay, any minute now I'm gonna embarrass myself and start drooling_, Mick thought as he watched the erotic show Beth was putting on for him.

She started a circular motion, throwing her head back as she pleasured herself, a moan slipping past her lips that cause a surge of response in Mick's body. He ached to touch her, to feel her body molding to his, but was caught up in the spell of seduction and unable to move. He greedily catalogued the changes in her body, deciding he'd had to have been crazy to ever want to be human again, and unable to know her with his senses this intimately. He could hear the sound her fingers made as she got ready for him.

Beth stepped forward and offered the fingers to Mick, wet with her excitement. They trailed a path across Mick's lips, and then pressed inside. It was too much for Mick, and he could wait no longer. He took her hips and guided her slowly down onto him. The position was a bit awkward for her, but no problem for the vampire. He lifted her up and moved forward a bit, letting her wrap her legs around his waist. Her whimpers and cries increased as he fucked her. One arm around his neck, she slipped her free hand between their bodies to increase the stimulation.

"Oh godddddddd…" A long drawn out moan as her release caught her. "Johnny..." she managed to have the presence of mind to tease Mick.

Well, we couldn't have that. She wasn't supposed to know her own name, much less be able to make jokes. He pounded into her harder, pushing himself to his own climax. As it took him, he reached forward and sunk his fangs into her neck.

"Oh God Mick!" she screamed, and another orgasm crashed through her at the combined sensations.

XXX

"Is is always that intense with vampires, or is it just us?" Beth asked Mick a few minutes later, as they relaxed in the afterglow, still joined on the chair.

Mick chuckled. "Vampire sex is usually pretty intense," he admitted candidly. "But I think we inspire each other."

"I know we do," Beth said, kissing him.

The phone rang then, jarring them out of their mellow commune.

Mick grabbed the receiver. "Yeah?"

"This is Robert. I've found someone who's willing to talk to you. He'll be waiting here at the church."

"Okay, I'll be there in a half hour," Mick told him and rang off. He looked at Beth. "I really would take you with me this time, but our informant is probably nervous as it is, I don't want him to change his mind."

"I think I'm becoming too understanding," Beth quipped. "I'm going to have to work on that."

With a final kiss, Mick lifted her off him to stand on the floor.

"I really wish your dick wasn't inside me while you were talking to a preacher," Beth told him then.

Mick sputtered, unable to stop the laughter that sprang forth. "Could be worse," he added with a mischievous grin. "At least he's not Catholic."

XXX

Somehow Mick wasn't surprised when he entered the church and found Daniel Autun sitting in one of the pews waiting for him. He'd never realized that there could be vampires who had a worse time accepting themselves than he did, not until he'd met Robert's brother.

"Oh, Daniel…" he said sadly as he sat down next to the vamp.

"I know," Dan began, wringing his hands anxiously.

"Sharon?" he asked, not for the first time thanking God his relationship with Beth was strong enough to weather everything, including conversations like the one they'd just had.

Dan nodded. "We're having some…problems."

"This isn't the solution to them either."

"I know," he repeated.

"Tell me about the drug. Do you get physical symptoms of withdrawal if you stop?"

"No," Dan admitted shamefully. "It's more just… I feel like I gotta have it. Just to take the edge off, you know? Forget about the pain for a little while."

Mick nodded; it made sense it was a psychological dependence rather than physical given vamp physiology, but he'd wanted to make sure. "What's it called?"

"Ruby Delight. We usually just call it Delight."

"Do you know who makes it?" Mick asked, scanning his face intently.

"No. I only know the guy I buy it from."

"Vamp or human?"

"Vamp."

Now for the most important question. "Will you take us to the guy you get it from?"

After a pause, Daniel nodded.

"Thank you."

_Just another of the many things I'm finding out vampires have in common with humans. We all have our crosses to bear, our struggles and difficulties to get through each day. Relationships break up, people die. We can't always have what we so desperately want, and the knowledge of that can be heartbreaking. Is it any wonder a vampire might go looking for an escape through drugs too? Why Cynthia would want to exploit that was a question I couldn't wait to ask her._

XXX

When Mick arrived at the Rodeo that night, the show had just finished. Josef and Shane were backstage, trading wise cracks as usual. Mick pulled them aside and told him what he'd found out.

"I figure we can set up a buy with Dan's dealer, and when it goes down we can nab him and uh, _persuade_ him to lead us to Cynthia."

"Goes down?" Josef repeated. "Jeez, you've been watching too many 70's detective shows."

"Not my favorite use of the expression," Shane quipped suggestively. Then he sighed with a put-upon air. "I guess _I'll_ have to do it." They both looked at him. "What? Take a look at the three of us – who _looks_ like he'd be in the market to buy drugs?"

XXX

Mick regarded his wife suspiciously as he prepared to go out the following evening. Beth had been entirely too acquiescing about sitting the action out, and he couldn't help fearing she might show up on her own. It wouldn't be the first time.

"Well, I don't want to steal _all_ your thunder," Beth joked. "I can compromise. I _can_!" she exclaimed to his incredulous look. "I understand that as a human I'm no match for vampires, and having me to worry about would just get in your way. Besides, you won't be alone; Josef and Shane will be with you." Which Mick knew was the main reason she was okay with it.

"You know," Mick began, pulling her into his arms. "Considering how much you worry about me as an almost indestructible vampire, I'd hate to see what you'd be like if I was human!"

"Joke all you want, Mr. Indestructible. You wait until I'm one too, and see if you keep me on the sidelines _then_."

Mick knew he wouldn't have a prayer in hell of doing that, but decided he didn't want to think about it just yet. Lord willing he'd have plenty of time to get used to _all_ of the changes first.

XXX

Josef and Mick waited in Mick's car, parked under a broken streetlamp a block from the purported dealer's location.

"Vampires as common drug dealers," Josef spat, sounding personally offended on behalf of their kind. "What is this world coming to?"

Mick gave him a sideways glance, wondering if this situation had brought back memories of Lola. It was the last thing Josef needed now, while still dealing with his feelings for Sarah. "I just hope he doesn't smell something and get spooked before we have a chance to subdue him."

"Will you stop sounding like a bad 70's cop show?!" Josef demanded.

"I am not!" he defended himself.

"Don't worry. Shane is an expert at keeping himself blocked from vampire senses."

"Yeah, but what about Danny?"

Unfortunately, Josef didn't have an answer for him.

Soon the two figures approached. They watched as Shane walked with Daniel down the deserted street, stopping in front of what looked like an abandoned storefront. Dan rapped twice on the window. A few moments later, the door opened a crack.

"It's me, Danny; I brought a friend who wants to make a buy."

"How much?" the voice from the door asked.

"Five shots," Dan replied. He'd explained to them that Delight was measured in how many times one could get high off it. Five shots meant it would last through five trips. They injected it, ensuring that it travelled directly into the vampire bloodstream for strongest effect.

"Wait here." The door was closed again.

They all waited, tense, until the door reopened and a vampire slipped outside. He gave Shane a once over, eyes taking in the long hair, ripped jeans, and **Stand** T-shirt.

His eyes widened some in recognition at the logo; the black shirt had the names Stand and Shane Alexander in red, a white guitar and red blood splatters in the background*. "Hey, I think I saw you guys play once. You're pretty good."

"Thanks."

"I'm Rudy."

"Nice to meet you Rudy. Right now I'm really hankering for some Delight. The wasted freshies just ain't cuttin' it any more, you know what I mean? I'm tired of watchin' my human band mates have all the fun."

"I got you covered, no problem. I think you'll be very pleased with the product."

Rudy reached into his jacket to get the drug, but before he could complete the move he was staked by Shane. Josef and Mick had joined them, dragging the paralyzed vampire behind the building out of sight. Daniel stood nervously to the side watching the scene.

Josef looked at Shane. "T-Shirts? I thought we had this discussion. Now you're doing merchandising?!" he exclaimed incredulously.

Mick gave his friend a 'we don't have time for that glare' and stuck his face into Rudy's. "Okay, here's how it's going to go. I'm going to pull the stake out, and you will tell us where to find Cynthia Davis, your supplier. If you don't cooperate, my friends here are old enough to be experts in all those old torture methods they used in Europe."

To many of the younger vampires, especially the American ones, the old European vamps held a kind of mythic status. Add that to the fact that they were stronger and usually more influential, and having one look at you with unfavorable interest was something to be avoided.

When the stake was out, Rudy didn't try anything. With the three vamps looming over him he seemed to decide cooperation was his safest route.

"You know Cynthia?" were his first words.

"She's an old friend," Mick confirmed. "I just want to renew our acquaintance."

Getting in the middle of a bunch of old vamps was even less desirable. "1025 Mulholland," Rudy told them.

"Stupid fool," Josef commented as he plunged the stake back in.

"I hate this part," Mick muttered, looking away so he wouldn't have to see the vampire beheaded. It was a foregone conclusion that he wouldn't argue against; the simple fact that Rudy knew it was Shane who'd set him up and could be a danger to him, would ensure Josef made sure he wasn't.

Mick had taken his share of undead lives; true monsters whose heads he was only too happy to separate from their bodies…but some of them just made a really stupid mistake and paid for it with their lives. The secrecy the vampire community required wasn't very forgiving of sins against them.

"Take off," Josef barked to Daniel. "And straighten yourself up – for your own good!"

Daniel disappeared in a vamp blur, yet another who'd had the 'fear of Kostan' put into him. Mick hoped it would do what nothing else so far had been able to.

When the cleaners had arrived to secure the site, the trio got into Mick's car to head for Mulholland.

"Damn shame we had to kill a Stand fan," Shane commented.

"Yeah, he might have been the only one," Josef replied sardonically.

Shane smacked him. "Wise ass."

XXX

In a word, 1025 Mulholland was a fortress. A ten foot high spiked fence surrounded the property. There was an armed guard at the gate, an intercom system for communication to the house, and a sign on the fence that read "Beware of Dog."

"Forget the dog, beware the vampire," Josef quipped.

They'd crept around the back through the trees, looking for the best way in. Mick was about to grab the bars of the fence to test them when Shane stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"It's silver plated."

"This is paranoid even by _your_ standards," Mick said with a thumb pointed at Josef. "What is she so afraid of? And how the hell are we going to get in there?" he added wryly.

They all stood there looking at each other. Josef's eyes slowly settled on Shane, and Mick's followed questioningly.

"How the hell did you solve any cases before I moved to town?" Shane muttered, but he obligingly starting walking around to the gate.

"How is _he_ gonna get us inside?" Mick asked.

"Just be ready," Josef instructed, creeping along the shadows of the fence toward the front himself.

Mick and Cynthia had never been on very good terms – in other words, she'd never liked Coraline's choice of husband – and all things considered it was a good bet he wouldn't get an invitation inside. It was common knowledge that Josef was his closest friend, not to mention an important member of the L.A. community who might frown on certain risky activities. She wouldn't trust him either. Shane… he had quite a different type of reputation, and since he and Josef had kept their true connection to each other carefully hidden for four hundred years, she wouldn't consider him anything more than a distant friend who sometimes pretended to be his brother.

The guard looked up at Shane's approach, tightening his hold on the gun. It was a fairly good bet it was loaded with silver bullets. "This is private property," he warned.

"Yeah, I know," Shane drawled. "I'm an old acquaintance of Cynthia's. Can you tell her I've come to see her?"

Keeping a close eye on the visitor, the guard pressed a button on the intercom. "Miss Davis, there's a man here who says he's an old friend of yours."

"Who it is?" came her cautious response.

And that's about when Mick started putting some unexpected pieces together.

"It's Shane," he called out. "Shane Alexander."

"Shane??" Cynthia said with surprise at the unexpected visit.

"Yeah, I was partying with Rudy tonight. Imagine my surprise when he told me _you_ were his sugar momma," he added teasingly.

"Sugar momma?!" she responded indignantly, but with more than a trace of amusement. "You always did like slumming it. Never appreciated the finer things in life like the rest of us."

"Oh, I don't know about that, I've always considered you one of the finer things," he flirted.

They heard her laughter through the speaker. "Actually, it must be fate that brought you here tonight," she said thoughtfully. "Come on up to the house, I've got something to ask you."

The minute the intercom snapped off and the gate started to swing open, the other two sprang into action. Mick incapacitated the guard while Josef jumped into the air to quickly cover the security camera overhead with his jacket.

As they walked up to the front door, it opened and Cynthia stood there. Her welcoming smile dropped abruptly as she saw the other two, but Mick stuck his foot in the door and they were inside before she had a chance to make a move.

"I don't remember telling you you could invite _these_ two," Cynthia said peevishly.

"Sorry, love." Shane gave her a hello kiss on the cheek.

"Nice to see you again too, Cynthia," Mick told her sarcastically.

"Okay, what do you want?" she asked, going over to the wet bar in the corner and pouring herself a glass of blood champagne.

"No niceties?" Josef quipped. "You're not even going to graciously offer us a drink? I'm shocked."

"Getting straight to the point is fine with me," Mick said. "I'm just wondering why you decided to make a career of manufacturing drugs, and why you need vampire proof security?"

"It's obviously not vampire proof if even _you_ can get in," Cynthia told him. She gracefully glided over to the sofa and poured herself into it. Unlike Coraline, her act never slipped a centimeter. Coraline tended to get more criticism, but her passion was no match for Cynthia's stone cold.

"What did you want to ask me?" Shane questioned curiously.

Cynthia looked from him to the others, regarding them like a snake regards its meal. Finally her posture relaxed minutely, and she answered. "I was hoping you could tell me where Coraline is."

"Me?" Shane asked while the others squirmed slightly, both for different reasons.

Cynthia shrugged. "The last time I saw her she said she was going to visit a blond she used to have a 'thing' for. I thought you might be the blond."

"I haven't seen her in decades," Shane answered.

Cynthia deflated at the news. In a moment of surprising realness, she covered her face with her hands, clearly distressed. "Then her family has her," she stated, and something about the anxiety in her tone gave a clue to what was going on.

"Is that why you're living in a fortress?" Mick asked, taking an intuitive leap.

"You figure the DuVall's took Coraline back to France to punish her for dabbling in forbidden things – like cures for vampirism," Josef guessed, jumping ahead of Mick in deduction only because he had a lot of information Mick didn't. "You're afraid they'll come for you now."

"You know how powerful and dangerous they are," she told Josef.

"Okay, um," Mick shook his head and looked at each of them in turn, trying to follow the conversation and wondering suddenly why he'd never cared to find out _more_ about his in-laws all the decades he was married. He was going to have a long talk with Josef – and Shane – when this was all over. "So you've barricaded yourself here to hide from Coraline's family. What does that have to do with manufacturing a vampire drug??"

"Do you know what University costs these days?" she asked him rhetorically. "Getting my PHD's, -- not to mention all the money we spent on setting up a lab, research, incidentals… I'm low on funds, and I'm afraid to touch the money I have in Swiss accounts; they may be watching those. While I was doing all that research I accidentally stumbled across a substance that affects vampires like street drugs do humans. It was an easy way to make some money."

"And of course you never stopped to think how dangerous getting a vampire high could be," Mick retorted. "What a risk it could pose to the whole community."

"It's not physically addictive," she argued. "It's no more dangerous than vampires drinking laced blood. You really have changed, Mick" she told him. "Coraline was your wife. She could be suffering right now at the hands of her sadistic family, and all you care about is if a few vamps here in Tinseltown are shooting up Delight?"

Mick found himself taking pity on Cynthia. He sat down beside her and put a hand on her arm. "Coraline is dead, Cynthia."

"No…" she whispered, genuine tears appearing in her eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Positive. I saw her…remains. I'm sorry."

Josef cleared his throat. Mick could tell he wasn't too happy about the release of that information, but Mick thought they could use it to their advantage.

"If the DuVall's killed her, I'd keep a really low profile if I were you. I don't think dealing drugs to vampires qualifies. In fact, if they were to somehow find out about all your activities…" Mick let it trail off, the threat clear.

"I get it," she snapped through her grief. "Quit the drug business and behave myself or you'll rat me out to the family. Real nice, Mick."

Then Josef said something surprising. "Do you have enough money now to get by?"

She smiled slightly then. "The supplies for this drug were very inexpensive, and the profit margin was quite nice, thank you."

"What are you going to do?" Mick asked her.

"Without Coraline? I don't know if it matters."

"She made her bed, Cynthia," Mick began, hoping to get his message across. "It was the things she did that led to her death. She could have changed if she'd wanted to, and still be alive. Instead she crossed too many people, broke too many rules. Hurt too many. Maybe she wouldn't want the same thing for you. She loved you, and I think if she was here she'd tell you to stay safe and be happy."

"Are you finished with your preachy little speech?" she asked snidely, even as her tears began to slide down her cheeks. "Because if so, please leave. I'd like to mourn my lover in private."

As they began to file out, Josef stopped in front of the sofa. "Mick's right," he told her. "We all have to accept the responsibility for our actions and their consequences. She could have settled down with you somewhere, lived a good life with someone who really loved her. Instead she remained obsessed with Mick and willing to risk her life time and time again to get him back. She made her choice…and she lost."

XXX

It was an uncharacteristically quiet drive back to Josef's. No one spoke until they were almost at his house.

"Can someone tell me why we didn't kill her?" Josef asked.

"It wasn't necessary," Mick told him.

"Define 'necessary'."

"We don't execute every vamp who kills a human," Mick reasoned. "We just call the cleaner and have it covered up. Some of them are pretty careless. If that doesn't pose a "risk" to the community, I don't see where this is so much worse, especially as long as she stops."

"One of these days that bleeding heart of yours is going to get ripped out," Josef commented. "Hell, you don't even _like_ Cynthia. There was never any love lost between you two."

"Surprise – maybe I don't like killing my fellow vampires unless there's no choice."

Another silence descended, lasting until Mick was pulling up in front of the house. All three of them got out of the car.

"I had a wonderful time tonight, we'll have to do it again some time," Shane quipped, sounding like he meant the opposite.

Mick started to turn away, then raised a hand and turned sideways, looking up at Shane. "Uh, one thing I was wondering about," he asked nonchalantly. "It's just that you told me you didn't know Coraline or the DuVall's."

Josef grabbed the sides of his head in his hands exasperatedly. "Gah -- now he's doing Columbo!"

"Yeah, I did," Shane answered mildly. "That was back in the good old days, before I started breaking my rule about getting involved in other people's shit."

"_Were_ you the blond? Just wondering if you're going to lie again or tell the truth," Mick added angrily.

"Okay," Shane said pointedly, his tone becoming challenging. His next words were stunning in their unexpectedness even though the thought _had_ been going through Mick's head. "Yeah, I killed her. Anyone who is a threat to Sara is going, period. I protect my own."

"I can understand that, but you couldn't have _called_ me to tell me?! You had to send me that little surprise package?!" Mick was nearly apoplectic with incredulousness.

Shane pointed a finger at Josef. "Hey—that was his idea, not mine!"

Mick's gaze whipped over to Josef.

Josef held his hands up in a placating gesture. "I thought he was joking!" he defended. "I didn't know he was going to _do_ it."

Mick was appalled by the way they could so flippantly discuss murder. "You know what? Maybe we _are_ monsters."

Shane took a step forward, his eyes flashing, his stance making it clear he found that remark, aimed as it was at all of them and that included Josef, came under the heading of 'protecting his own.'

Josef's arm shot out, holding him back. Instead, he insinuated himself between them and faced Mick down. "Yeah, he killed her – because you didn't have the guts to! Would you rather lose Beth, so you could spend eternity mourning her? Sometimes I actually think you'd prefer that! Then you could carry on with the pity party you enjoyed for so many decades."

The silence this time fell upon them like a bomb, angry words echoing around them, none of them knowing quite what to say next. Some serious words had been exchanged, ones that couldn't be left unattended to.

"She was dangerous," Shane began. "I knew that already, and hearing what she did to Beth… I'll do whatever it takes to protect Sara, and Josef," he included, glancing at him. "Tell me you wouldn't do the same for Beth? If it were anyone but your sire, that is," he added.

"I'm not trying to justify Coraline's actions," Mick said.

"How could anyone?" Josef asked. "I had a pretty messed up bond with _my_ sire," he began relating in a subdued voice. "Uh, I mean the vampire I _thought_ was my sire," he quickly corrected. "Max. I _know_ what that's like, believe me. You love them but hate them and you can't help being drawn to them, and they mess with your head until you don't know how to break free. I knew there was only one thing that could sever your sire bond with her – death. Until then you'd _never_ be free, and you and Beth would both be in danger. If you ended up having to kill Coraline yourself, you'd be all angsty about it. Just like you were all those years thinking you'd killed her in the fire. You and Beth both deserve better than that. So yeah, it was a bit of shock therapy. You needed it."

Mick remained silent, digesting what Josef had told him.

Shane stepped closer, putting a hand on Mick's shoulder. "You've probably got more heart and soul than I've ever seen in a vampire. Even with everything you've done and been through, you haven't become jaded. I hope you never lose that. The community needs the example you set. Josef knows _I'm_ a stone cold bastard," he added ruefully. "He knew I wasn't going to shed any tears."

"Yeah, but you're _my_ stone cold bastard," Josef said affectionately, resting a hand on Shane's back.

"I don't want to fight with either of you," Mick admitted wearily. "Good friends are hard enough to come by."

"All right, let's not get too mushy about this," Josef warned good naturedly, punching him lightly in the arm.

"Oh, you mean I can't do this?" Mick asked, grabbing Josef in a hug, unable to resist an opportunity to tease him.

"Hey, now," Josef said, after he'd hugged back momentarily, making an elaborate show of stepping back away from Mick. "Careful." He shot a look at Shane. "I'm sort of, kind of, practicing gender specific monogamy at the moment."

Both of Shane's eyebrows rose to his hairline in surprise. He said nothing, letting his expression speak for him. It said, "What the fuck??!!"

"Yeah, well, I figure I could try it, on a trial basis of course, maybe on a one year contract and see how it goes from there…"

No one said anything for a long moment.

"So I guess we should go inside and hammer out the details of the contract," Shane pointed a thumb towards the house. "Put our John Handcocks on the bottom—I mean, dotted line…"

"I'll need that in duplicate," Josef quipped right back.

"I've got to amend the 'rule book,'" Shane muttered as he headed for the front door.

Mick turned away to get into his car, but Josef grabbed hold of the back of his coat, stopping him. "Did I just promise not to sleep with any other men but him?" he asked as if it was just sinking in.

"Uh, yeah, you did," Mick responded in an amused voice.

"Damn. It's a good thing I enjoy challenges."

XXX

When I look to the sky:

Reverend Autun looked out into the pews as he waited for the service to start. There were less than a dozen people in attendance; most of those hadn't known the departed. It hadn't been an easy service to prepare. Kostan sat through the premiminary planning with stoic indifference, but as it had progressed, as more verses and words were contemplated and put in the 'possible' or dismissed pile, he'd grown increasingly uneasy and hadn't been able to hide it. It must be an odd thing, for a vampire who'd been alive that long to plan a memorial service, to face a confusing specter of mortality that they had no reference for in their own lives. Eventually, when he realized his control was gone he announced he couldn't handle it and left. Leaving Robert to piece together a respectful service for the woman he had never met.

After that he'd enlisted Beth's help, and through her learned that Sarah Fitzgerald's great niece had inherited the family townhouse in New York after the death of Sarah's father, John Whitley. From her he was able to get more old photographs to use in the memorial. And then Kostan had breezed back in with a song he felt would be perfect to play at the service, his mood swinging again, this time to eager participant.

Off to the side of the altar there was a long table set up with a white linen tablecloth. A row of photographs of Sarah lined the top. Placed in front of each one were cards with different poems written on them. Crystal vases each holding a single red rose were interspersed between the photo frames. White candles burned in matching crystal holders, lending a soft glow. The song chosen played in the background, loud enough to be heard but still allowing for conversation.

When everyone had taken their turns viewing the table and reading the poems, the Reverend walked up to the altar to start the service. He paused to let the murmur of voices die down, and then began.

"We are gathered here together tonight to honor the life of a young woman who was called Home sooner than expected. Sara Fitzgerald was a beautiful and intelligent girl, who loved with a trust and devotion that's rare to see. Without reservation, without judgment. Her love was pure and honest. We mourn her absence from this world; the loss leaves an empty space in our hearts. We don't always understand God's plan, but we can be comforted during our difficult times by the knowledge that He _does_ have one. Everything in the universe is as it should be."

Sarah was stubborn, too. She'd worn him down and wouldn't take no for an answer, until he lost all reason… And he found he couldn't look into her eyes and say no, and one day he said yes…

"I believe the most difficult lesson we have to learn in life is to let go. Sarah is at peace; we must struggle to find our own peace on this earth. I'd like to quote part of one of the poems on display tonight.

_You can remember her and only that she's gone__  
__or you can cherish her memory and let it live on_

_You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back__  
__or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.__"_

"And now, Sarah's widow, Josef Kostan, would like to share a few words with you." That was new too; originally the vampire had stated in no uncertain terms that he wouldn't be making any speeches. Robert was half surprised when Josef did indeed walk up to the front.

Josef cleared his throat, looking more uneasy than those who knew him could ever remember him being. After a pause that was a bit too long, he began in a soft voice.

"I met Sarah at Grand Central Station in New York. We were both waiting for a train and she asked me for a light." He smiled a little. "I found out later she had a lighter with her, she just wanted a way to strike up a conversation with me. The moment I looked into her eyes… I knew she was special. I know that sounds corny," he laughed a bit. "Love at first sight, fate, karma… they're more complicated than they sometimes seem."

Suddenly it all came rushing back to him in vivid detail. He wasn't inside the Sanctuary Church any longer, he was in New York in 1955. He remembered how excited she was that night, their wedding night. How happy. He could even smell her perfume. It was intoxicating, and he couldn't recall ever feeling as alive as he did in those brief hours.

"I proposed to her where we first met, Grand Central. There's a place there called 'the whispering gallery.' If you stand facing the corner under the arches and whisper, someone on the opposite end can here you just like you were standing next to them. She had no idea why I was making her stand there and wait… I remember how her face lit up when she realized it was me she was hearing and what I was saying…"

Images assaulted him, dragging him further into the past until the present was just a vague background blur, and every emotion was as strong and fresh as if it was happening now. Laughing and kissing as he carried her over the threshold of the townhouse that would be _their_ home now. Her face full of joy, and the promise of things to come shining in her eyes. Of forever…

He gently put her down on their bed and she stretched out, offering her neck. He felt the rush as the vampire took over. Her expression never changed. She reached out and cupped his cheek in her hand, drawing his face closer to her neck. The sweet smell of blood filled his senses as his fangs pierced her skin, and he drank her essence into himself. As her human existence faded away, he sliced open his arm with a knife and offered it to her, thinking a more perfect act had never been performed, the ultimate symbol of her love for him. Heartbeats ticked the seconds away, slowing down and finally stopping. An eternity went by as he waited for those eyes to open, for their new life together to begin. Dawning realization crept up on him as the moments went by and there was no sign of her awakening. Tendrils of fear snaked through him, progressing to panic, and finally knowledge and… pain.

"And then she was in a coma and then she died. The end."

It washed over him, almost bringing him to his knees. The small part of him still connected to the present mumbled something, and then he fled.

There was a moments' surprised silence from those in attendance as Josef made his quick exit. Then Robert moved to the front again to bring the service to a close, sans two people. Josef, and Shane who'd followed him.

XXX

"Are you okay?"

He could hear the tentative question, but not see the speaker since he was leaning against the wall with his head down. The past and present swirled and morphed together until he wasn't sure what was reality.

"Who am I?"

"What?" Now he could hear fear for him in the voice.

"I'm not _him_… I just, I don't…"

"You're my Jay-Jay."

"Oh." He collapsed then, but Shane caught him.

There was no one else in the world he would let see him like this. As the arms held him tightly, he let the emotions of the past seep out of him in cleansing tears. Eventually, the past released its hold on him, and he was back in 2008, drained.

Sensing the change in mood, Shane drew away and held him by the shoulders. "I'm going to take you home. Wait here while I go let Sara know to catch a ride with Mick and Beth, okay?" He put emphasis on the last word, as if not certain Josef would stay put until he returned.

Josef nodded.

He'd wait. Contrary to popular belief, he was very good at it. He'd waited over fifty years for Sarah to wake up… and four hundred for Shane.

XXX

**Note**: This scene contains brief, m/m slash descriptions. If that offends you, feel free to skip it. You don't be missing anything vital to the main plot, but it _is_ a pivotal scene to the Josef/Shane relationship. FYI: Sarah's memorial is up on You Tube if you're interested in seeing it. I'm Mscatmoon there too.

Turn Around:

.

_Turn around, look at me; I'm the guy who loves you_

_And when you get tired of running around_

_Turn around, don't turn away babe_

_Turn around; I want you to stay…_

_--Turn Around, Neil Diamond_

_._

Josef stood with his palm resting on the glass that comprised the wall of his master suite, staring down at the city of L.A. in all its nighttime splendor. This was the city's version of twinkling stars, since most of real ones were obscured by smog.

The pair had arrived home a few minutes earlier, Shane trailing Josef as he retreated to his private space. He put a CD into the stereo, and now stood transfixed by the view and possibly memories.

"Hard to believe this place was once just a pile of dirt and a few buildings."

"I remember," Shane said quietly, following Josef's lead, waiting and watching. "The time we came down from San Fran to look around it was hard to imagine it amounting to anything. I bet you're sorry you didn't anticipate _that_ investment opportunity."

"Did I do the right thing?" he asked abruptly, and Shane knew he wasn't talking about L.A.

Second thoughts? The notion was enough to terrify with its implications. He moved up behind Josef, placing a hand over his on the glass. "Seems to me the Reverend was right; it's time to let go."

"Some things you can let go of, and some you… can't. Funny," Josef answered casually.

Shane decided he didn't like the melancholy mood, and it was time for some TLC. He turned Josef around and started loosening his tie. "C'mon. Get out of this suit and get comfortable. It's not your style." It was a simple black suit with a white shirt chosen for the service, plain and totally unlike Josef's usual attire. Shane began gently undressing him.

Josef stood passive as he worked, watching in silence as items of clothing were removed and placed on the chair next to them. "You're not destroying this one," he noted with the ghost of a smile.

"You know, you're right. This is worse than your wardrobe, it doesn't deserve careful treatment." He picked the jacket up off the chair and proceeded to rip it to un-repairable shreds. As if he was shredding Josef's pain with the symbolic act. When he was done, he returned to an amused Josef. "Much better."

"Not often I get to see _you_ in one," he said, fingers curling into lapels of Shane's dark burgundy jacket. "I should rip it, just on principle." He waited a beat knowing no protest would come. "But you wouldn't care."

There was something odd about Josef's tone, as if some meaning to the words he couldn't grasp. Shane shrugged out of his jacket and tossed it on the chair, knowing Josef wouldn't feel very comfortable if he were the only one undressed. He didn't quite know how to get his message across; he didn't want Josef to think he was looking for something from him, like sex, his aim was to comfort.

Josef reached out and undid the tie holding Shane's long blond hair back. "I've always been ambivalent about your hair," he remarked with a slight smirk.

Shane raised eyebrows. "You just mention this now, after 400 years?"

Josef grinned, and somehow the mood had already shifted with the return of their banter. He was totally into Shane now, completely wrapped up in the spell woven between them. The eyes that met his glittered with an emotion Shane feared to name, no trace of sadness or pain remaining.

"What, make you forget you're with a guy?" Shane joked.

Josef snorted, nuzzling the side of his face. "Trust me, you've never made me forget I was with a guy."

They stayed that way for awhile, close, touching, silent.

"What do you need?" Shane finally whispered.

"You."

_Shut your eyes and sing to me._

_I want so much to open your eyes, 'cause I need you to look into mine_

_Tell me that you'll open your eyes_

_(shut your eyes, open your eyes, Snow Patrol)_

Shane took Josef's hand and pulled him to the bed, vague notions of platonic support and comfort vanishing in the reality of the two of them together. Their bodies knew what to do, no matter where their brains were.

The rest of the clothing was removed and slid to the floor. They sank onto the mattress together, hands and mouths exploring territory more loved for its ancient familiarity. Cool fingers skated across naked flesh, leaving goosebumps in their wake. Their bodies held an entire conversation together while their befuddled minds struggled to interpret it.

Josef lay back against the pillow as fingers that knew him so well they were almost a part of him wrapped around his erection. For a time he floated in a sensual haze. The erotic tension slowly increased until other feelings started bleeding in. Love, fear, desperation, longing, flooding out of him and into Shane. His body shifted restlessly on the mattress.

"Need more. Please."

"Fuck yeah."

He waited, suspended in limbo and listening to the sounds of preparation until he felt his legs being pushed apart and back. He opened his eyes to watch their joining, hooking one leg around Shane's back to encourage the process and wrapping his hand around his now neglected cock.

_This is about as real as it gets. No hiding here. 400 yrs and it still feels like **this**. That's got to mean something. Its magic, can't you see that?_

_There is a darkness deep in you_

_A frightening magic I cling to_

_Gimme a chance to hold on_

_Just gimme something to hold onto_

_It's so clear now that you are all that I have…_

_(--You're all I have, Snow Patrol)_

His fingers clutched Shane's back as they made love, nails digging into flesh as pleasure so intense it was almost pain washed over him.

_Under your skin feels like home…_

_Electric shocks our aching bones_

Lately when he was with Shane, the emotions always seemed to get the best of him. Up to now he'd done his best to hide it, but found he craved it like a drug.

_I would give everything to you, if you would take it. If I'm not in love…then I don't know what love is._

_If heaven and hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
And illuminate the "no's  
On their vacancy signs  
If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark_

_(I'll Follow You Into The Dark, Death Cab for Cutie)_

Josef let himself spiral away on the sensations, shields falling like tissue paper before a hurricane. He was turned inside out as release took him, shattering what was left beyond hope of putting back together.

XXX

_It's never enough to say I'm sorry_

_It's never enough to say I care_

_I'm caught between what you're wanting from me_

_And knowing if I give that to you I might just disappear…_

_It's like one step forward and two steps back_

_Maybe we're not meant to be…._

_(Not meant to be, Theory of a deadman)_

"I'm sorry."

Josef's eyes opened at the softly spoken words, and he turned his head to regard Shane. The anguish in the blue eyes was so far from what Josef was feeling at the moment that he was baffled. "For what?"

"I'm sorry I didn't handle things with you better, the past 400 years and… the last few months."

Josef stopped Shane before he could say something he had no intention of hearing right now. "I happen to be pretty happy with the way things are."

"Pretty happy, huh?"

"There's always room for improvement."

There was a pause before Shane spoke again. Josef had never mentioned it, never hurled those damning words at him even in the midst of their worst fights, but the knowledge lived inside Shane anyway. "If you'd known what went wrong with your own turning, you would have been able to bring Whitley out of it in 1955. She'd be here with you today."

It was the proverbial bucket of ice water dousing his mood, as well as the final straw that broke the camel's back. Josef stared incredulously. Even after everything that had happened, Shane could still be as dense as a brick. Josef had the urge to hit him in the head with one.

"You think I would trade you for Sarah?! What do I have to do, take an ad in the paper, put it on a billboard?" He turned away then, his back to Shane so he wouldn't have to see the reaction. "I'm in love with _you_."

There was no sound, no movement for a long moment. Too long.

"This is why I never said the words," Josef told him. "I didn't want to hear the silence after."

"You have to give me time," Shane finally said in an agonized whisper, helplessly.

"I truly am a masochist," Josef murmured. Still, the answer had hope in it; it was more than he'd expected. He rolled back over to see Shane had sat up in the bed, and was running both hands through his scalp.

"You think this is easy for me?! I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions. I need time to find a balance."

Josef sat up, intrigued with the revelation. "You're conflicted?"

"Of course I am! How could I not be?!"

The news was not unwelcome; it was validation to him, of them. No longer casually dismissed as just friends with fringe benefits, his negative reactions classified as 'Josef being difficult.' Vindication. He was the one who'd been there for four hundred years; right of prior claim should have been his. He found acknowledgment of that was enough for now.

"I'd never ask you to choose between us," Josef told him, wondering if anyone should be surprised that he meant it.

Shane was starting to look at their relationship in a way he never had before, they were being more open and honest with each other, and Shane was living in L.A. again. And it was all because of Sara Adams. Any hope they had, in some bizarre way, was because of her. Why? He didn't know if he'd ever understand. For all he knew, she was the reincarnation of Sarah Whitley; it would make an odd kind of sense. He wasn't about to share that crazy thought aloud, though. He just knew this is the way it was meant to be.

"Then what…" Shane trailed off, as if not knowing how to finish the sentence.

_What do I want from you? You know. It's okay though, I've already got more than I thought I'd ever have. I can wait._

_And I'll remember you  
And the things that we used to do  
And the things that we used to say  
I'll remember you  
Always_

_(Perfect Memory, Remy Zero)_

It felt like the sun came out, and for the first time as a vampire Josef welcomed it. Whatever the means, he felt Sarah there with him. Encouraging, helping, wanting him to have love again. An ending and a beginning.

Josef smiled and kissed Shane reassuringly. "We've got all the time in the world," he said. "We've got eternity."

XXX

_Never gonna be alone from this moment on_

_If you ever feel like letting go I won't let you fall_

_We're gonna take the world on_

_I'll hold you till the hurt is gone_

_(Never Gonna Be Alone, Nickelback)_

The happiest day of Josef's four hundred plus life began overcast. Billowing white clouds filled the Los Angeles sky as he drove to the office with the top down on the Ferrari, taking advantage of the lack of sun. Cruising down Santa Monica Boulevard, his fingers tapped the steering wheel in time to the music playing on the radio. He was more or less at peace now. Sarah had had her memorial; he had bared his soul enough to last for centuries. He could live with the rest.

Afterword, he'd thank his lucky stars that he was stopped at a traffic light; otherwise he would have surely crashed the car. Waiting impatiently for the light to turn green, he glanced up at the billboard on the side of the road, expecting to see the ad for the car dealership that had been there for months. What he saw instead would have made his heart stop, had it been beating…

**JAY-JAY,**

**YES, I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.**

**SHAY.**

_Turn around, look at me_

_I just want to tell you what you're looking for you've already found…_

**end Sins of Omission**


	7. Clueduh!

**AN**: Slash m/m concepts herein, if that bothers you don't read it! Nothing explicit, this chapter is rated G. This was in response to a challenge on a ML board, to write a story using the prompts: watering can, ice cream man, and museum. It takes place directly after the final 'billboard' scene in "Sins of Omission."

----------------------------------------------------------------

**Clue – duh!**

An unusually subdued Josef Konstantin arrived at Kostan Industries and headed for his office. No greeting; he didn't even ask if he had any messages, his secretary Bonnie noticed. He just walked into his office and closed the door.

Duty called however, despite her boss's mood. She'd seen just about all of them over the years of her employ. Bonnie got up from her desk and went over to his door, knocking softly.

"Come."

She entered the office. Josef was behind his desk, looking a bit shell shocked. Her grandfather had been in The War, so she recognized the look.

Bonnie held out his paper, just like she did every day.

"That's not the Wall Street Journal," Josef noted of the neatly folded L.A. Times in her hand.

"Um, yes I know, sir, but this one was delivered special for you. I thought you'd requested it."

Josef took it out of her hands gingerly, cautiously, as if it was a snake that might bite him any moment. "Thank you, Bonnie, that will be all."

XXX

After his secretary left, Josef stared at the paper a long time, recent memories playing through his mind. The words he'd blurted, in frustration and anger…

_What do I have to do, take out an ad in the paper, put it on a billboard? I'm in love with you._

And today, the answer had come in a billboard, declaration before the city of Los Angeles that he still had no idea how to handle. It was understandable that he was reluctant to open the newspaper now.

Challenges, deals, difficulties, passion, anger, hunger… Josef was well familiar with most feelings and the things that caused them. This simple one however, was one he wasn't prepared for. Mick wasn't the only one who had been lacking in happiness, it's just that Josef had long accepted and was content with what he _did_ have. Well, up until a few months ago, that is…

Bracing himself, he unfolded the newspaper. He was saved from having to scan the contents for ads of declaration (would it be in the comic section? The announcements? Or perhaps the obits) when a piece of paper that had been tucked inside fluttered onto the desk. Opening it, Josef read the short message there, written in Shane's handwriting.

GO TO THE PAGE MUSEUM. SEE THE ICE CREAM MAN THERE.

"What the hell?" he murmured. Solving mysteries was Mick's department, not his. A bit leery of the adventure he was about to embark upon and its conclusion as well, he cancelled his appointments and left the office.

XXX

It was a location Josef was very familiar with, as he frequently made good use of the Tar Pits outside the museum. That being the case, he was quite sure there was no ice cream man inside. Never the less, feeling foolish and excited both, he combed every inch of the area – only to finally find what he was looking for, outside. On the sidewalk on Wilshire, in front of the museum, was an ice cream cart.

Embarrassment was another emotion Josef rarely felt. He wasn't entirely thrilled to feel it now, as he went up to the man behind the cart.

"What can I get you?" the man prompted when Josef didn't speak.

"Uh… I'm supposed to 'see the ice cream man'?" he ventured, feeling like an idiot.

"Oh," the man said in recognition. He reached inside the portable freezer and produced an envelope, handing it to Josef.

When no future information was forthcoming from the man, Josef took the envelope and turned away to open it. Inside was another note.

FIND THE WATERING CAN.

"What the hell?!!" Josef exclaimed. _I'm going to kill him._

XXX

This time it didn't take Josef as long to find the specified item. On the grounds near one of the excavation sites was a metal watering can.

"Now what am I supposed to do with this?!" Josef muttered to himself. And why was Shane sending him on this wild goose chase? The only thing he could think of was to reach inside the can. Sure enough, he found another note. If this led to yet another bizarre clue, he might have to get his brick. He hoped the conclusion of this little romp wasn't going to be something overly mushy or sickeningly romantic. That had never been their style. For the first time he wondered what the most recent change in their relationship meant for them…and maybe gained some insight into why Shane was so reluctant to change the status quo. Would they lose what they already had? Or would it change nothing at all?

He ripped open the envelope and took out the note. It held only an address. One Josef was very familiar with – he should be, since it was the address of Kostan Industries.

All this, just to send him right back where he started from?

He hoped that wasn't a portent for their future.

XXX

When Josef arrived back at the office, his secretary was no longer at her desk. There was someone in his office however; the familiar presence he could sense from a mile away.

He opened the door and stepped inside, closing it softly behind him. His desk chair was turned around so that its occupant was facing the window, and all Josef saw was the back of the chair.

"Y'know," a voice drawled casually. "I was originally going to continue with my plans to fly to Alaska earlier today." Shane swiveled the chair around so that he was facing Josef. "I finally realized you'd be pissed off if I did that."

The first sight of him since…since disrupted Josef's nerve endings in a way it never had before, although he fought to remain outwardly nonchalant. There was silence for a long time, as the two of them just looked at each other, as if neither quite knew what to say now. Only their eyes did, swimming with emotion.

Josef made his feet move, carrying him closer until he was leaning his butt against the desk next to his chair. Run off to Alaska without facing him? No, he would have not been pleased. _And they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks._ The thought was in character, but perhaps the fact that he didn't say it aloud wasn't.

"Good," Josef finally managed, his lips hinting at a smile. "Because I got myself a brick with your name on it."

"Huh??" Shane asked in confusion.

Josef reached over to the briefcase on the desk, opened it and took out an item that he held up. It was exactly what he said it was – a brick with Shane's name printed on it. "I figured I'd keep it on hand, so the next time you act particularly dense I can hit you upside the head with it."

Shane shook his head slightly. "You hit me with that thing, I _will_ beat the crap out of you," he warned seriously, although his eyes were dancing with mirth.

"So tell me, what was this little scavenger hunt all about?" Josef asked then.

Shane grinned. "Hmm… well, let's see… You ran around chasing cryptic instructions, struggled to figure out obscure clues and make sense of it all, maybe felt confused, annoyed, and a bit foolish?" he guessed perfectly. "Now you know how I felt these past few months."

Falling back into the old familiar banter felt comfortable, safe, like nothing had changed. But Josef didn't want to feel that way. Instead of responding, in any way, he decided to say nothing, just wait silently.

Shane rose to his feet, drawing Josef into an embrace. "Hey," he whispered in a belated, hesitant greeting.

"Hey," Josef answered in a voice that he hoped didn't found as shy to Shane as it did to his own ears. In that moment, he felt like he could happily stay in those arms forever. "I'm sorry."

"I was only teasing," Shane dismissed the apology.

Then he was being thoroughly kissed, as if Shane had sensed that he'd had one insane moment of insecure panic at the words, thinking perhaps he meant the whole thing was just a joke. What this man could reduce him to _really_ annoyed him… but then he supposed that was what attracted him as well.

"What now?" he said when their lips finally separated.

He felt Shane shrug. "I finally got a clue, huh? The rest we'll figure out together." And then he gave Josef what he wanted, needed, and had waited several lifetimes for. He said the words directly to him, in person, whispering them in his ear.

"Yes, I'm in love with you."

.

**End: Clue-duh!**


	8. Intermission: Soulmate

**AN:** Rated G. Just a short segue. Call it thoughts, or journal entry, or whatever you wish. Whose thoughts? Could be anyone, or everyone. Who is the intended recipient? Possibly everyone. You decide how you wish to interpret it. It's the echoes of people who are living parallel lives; lives that have intersected on the way to the destiny that prophesy will fulfill.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

**Intermission:**

**(SoulMate)**

**.**

_It's like one step forward and two steps back_

_It's never enough to say I love you, no it's never enough to say I try.*_

_._

To my Soulmate,

What would you say if you knew I was terrified of these looming changes? I don't know what they mean for us, for me. I'm afraid I won't measure up, that you'll be disappointed in me – that I'll be disappointed in you. Will we survive, or fail each other? Can it last forever? Or will we jinx it?

I need you to see me for who I really am, to accept all of me without reservation or hesitation. Know the secret parts, embrace the darkness. Forgive my inadequacies. Know I try to be everything to you, even as I inevitably fall short. See me.

You mean more to me than anything else in this universe. You are the center of my world. Would it frighten you to know that, or are they the words you've been longing to hear? I try to tell you, but words are pathetic attempts to explain the mysteries of love. There are no words for what we are. Being with you is my reason for existing, you are all I need.

Am I all you need?

With love eternally,

Shane,

Josef,

Mick,

Beth,

Sara

.

_You're never gonna be alone from this moment on_

_if you ever feel like letting go, I won't let you fall_

_When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on_

_We're gonna take the world on_

_I'm gonna be there all the way_

_I won't be missing one more day_

_--Never Gonna Be Alone, Nickelback_

[b]The end.[/b]

*Opening song quote from "Not Meant To Be" by the group, Theory of a Deadman


End file.
